Brilliance Tarnished
by kk-twin
Summary: Raito X L. What if Raito decided that L was better alive than dead? Bondage, non-con, and head games.
1. Disclaimer

Here's your standard disclaimer! I do not own 'Death Note' or its characters in any way, shape or form. 'Death Note' and said characters ARE owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata, and are licensed by Viz Media and Shonen Jump Advanced. I make no profit from this. **This disclaimer applies to all chapters.**

**THIS IS WHAT I DO FOR FUN. WTF? XD**


	2. Ensnared

**A/N: OMG, I am still alive! And yes, I write ridiculously slowly, especially when I'm trying to do too many things at once. I have been scratching away at this fic for several months and finally decided to post the first chapter. I hope that you haven't all abandoned me! :P**

**Light vs. Raito – I decided to go with 'Raito' for now. I may change that later. Meh.**

**Please be warned that updates will be VERY slow. I am not kidding. But that does not mean that I have given up or that I will not be working on the fic in my 'spare time'. Ahahaha.**

* * *

"Yagami-kun, I fail to understand the logic behind this." L spoke in his usual calm, soft voice, belying the anxiety he was feeling.

Raito slanted him one of those impenetrable looks from where he sat on the couch, redirecting his attention to L from the laptop balanced on his thighs. "Ryuuzaki, you must admit that we would not be here if I had not taken this action." Raito's voice was reassuring, persuasive. Coaxing, even.

L was not reassured. He knew Raito far too well to be reassured by the pleasant face that smiled ever so slightly at him.

His last memory was of the two of them sharing coffee – and then his vision had blurred and tipped dizzily as he slid to the floor. His last fading moment of awareness had been filled with the sight of Raito's sly and smirking face.

When he had come to, he was sitting upright on the floor of an unfamiliar apartment, his arms pulled behind him and handcuffed to a metal pole that was quite securely anchored to the floor.

Ignoring Raito's nonsensical reply, he tried a question. "I've never seen this place before. Where is this?"

That earned a sincere curving of the other boy's lips into a threatening Mona Lisa smile, as well as an intimate arching of those shapely brows. "Did you think that I did not have my secret places as well, Ryuuzaki? Come now, you're supposed to be so clever. How are you to catch Kira if you're thinking like this?"

"Yagami-kun is quite rude to his guests," L said quietly, trying to study the room discreetly. "I thought we were friends."

It was a dreary, unattractive apartment, furnished only with the old gray couch that Raito occupied, a brown recliner in the corner complete with footrest, and a 15" TV on a basic white TV stand. The upholstery was tired and worn, and the TV stand was rather scratched up. There were no wall hangings or anything else of interest, and the kitchen behind him seemed small and unappealing - the sort of place that no one would want to linger in.

Raito set his laptop aside, closing it gently with graceful fingers. Crossing his legs and steepling his fingers before him, the smile faded from his beautiful face. "But we _are_ friends, Ryuuzaki. I would never have invited you over if we weren't. No, there are other alternatives for those I do not consider my friends."

Since regaining consciousness, L had been thinking furiously, trying to determine why Raito would go through all the trouble of kidnapping him and restraining him if he only intended to kill him in the end. He had no doubt whatsoever that Raito was Kira. None. He had been a fool to let his guard down even the slightest bit, but he had been confident that the other boy wouldn't – _couldn't_ try anything within the security of their headquarters.

And indeed, Raito _hadn't_. He had dragged L out to a quiet little coffee shop with him. He would never, ever leave his cup unattended again, no matter if Watari or any of his other contacts called him. That was how he had gotten himself into this mess.

He had no idea how the other boy had managed to transport his unconscious body without other people being suspicious, but he knew that Raito could charm anything and anyone into believing in him, so he wasn't terribly surprised.

He was only surprised that he had allowed himself to be lulled into the slightest feeling of false security by the charming devil sitting across from him.

Aware of Raito's less-than-patient gaze boring into him, he regretted that he had drawn the other boy's full attention. L cleared his throat, gathering his composure. "But why do you put your friends in bondage, Yagami-kun?"

Raito's expression suddenly shifted into something sharp and dangerous, dark amber eyes steely. "Stop calling me 'Yagami-kun'."

L winced internally, but only stared blandly back into those menacing eyes. "What shall I call you then?"

"True friends call each other by their _given_ names," Raito informed him coolly as if speaking to an imbecile, predatory gaze narrowing.

"Ah…Raito-kun, then?" he tried, only just realizing that he had revealed his own negative feelings by calling Raito 'Yagami-kun' instead of 'Raito-kun' since he'd regained consciousness.

Why did he always seem to lose his self-awareness when he was around the other boy? His mind became fuzzy and scrambled, no matter how he attempted to focus. It wasn't only the drug he'd been given. It happened all the time.

Raito relaxed, brutal eyes softening. "You would not have come here if I hadn't drugged you, Ryuuzaki. Indeed, things would have had to take an unfortunate turn sooner or later."

L felt a chill crawl over him. "Unfortunate?" he prodded tentatively, futilely testing the handcuffs.

The other boy continued to watch him with a level gaze. "I've realized something, Ryuuzaki. I've felt more alive in the months we've worked together than ever before in my life. You are the only thing in this world that alleviates my boredom in a reliable fashion."

"And so…handcuffs," he said with a straight face. The attempted levity drew no response from Raito. "Do I have to sleep like this?" he asked dully, wondering how in the hell he would ever escape if the other boy insisted on keeping him handcuffed all of the time.

"You don't sleep that much anyway, Ryuuzaki. But yes, I have made provisions. There are means of securing you in every room of this apartment so that I may keep an eye on you at all times. You do have a bed, and I have allowed you slightly more freedom in the bedroom."

L blinked wearily, staring at the slate-colored utility carpeting at his feet. Where had he gone wrong today? He'd had cherry pie instead of cake for breakfast this morning and had skipped lunch. Perhaps that's when it had happened. Raito had been so charming earlier, too. A much more obvious warning of impending doom than mucking about with his sugar schedule.

"Raito, who on earth furnished this apartment?" he heard himself ask in a slightly slurred voice, thinking of the barren walls he had glimpsed. "Surely not yourself."

"It is a bit unsightly. Not my style, Ryuuzaki, I know. It was already furnished and I had no time to improve its aesthetics. It suits my needs, which I suppose is all that matters."

_Will killing me be one of those needs at some point in time? _he thought darkly at Raito's perfectly sculpted form.

It had to be quite late in the evening – or very early in the morning.

"Would you like some tea, Ryuuzaki?" Raito inquired in his smooth and cultured voice.

L blinked. "If I had a hand with which to hold a cup, then yes – I would like some tea."

The other boy smiled, rising to his feet. "I think that we can arrange for you to have one free hand, so long as you promise to behave yourself." Raito crossed the space between them and knelt immediately before L, looking deeply into his eyes. "Can I trust you to do that, Ryuuzaki?" his captor asked softly.

L stared mutely for a moment, making a mental note to stay as far away from Raito as possible. This close, the other boy was devastatingly beautiful, lashes framing his fascinating eyes to perfection. That lustrous shade of darkest amber—

"Ryuuzaki?" Raito repeated softly, raising a hand to touch L's cheek with light fingers.

_Danger._ His breath hitched and he recoiled the slightest bit – he felt it, and he was certain that Raito had, as well. "Yes, Raito-kun. I will…be good." _For now._

Those eyes were now weighing him, considering his interesting reaction to proximity with their owner. "Good. I'll make you tea then. But first, let me free one of your hands. Stay very still, Ryuuzaki."

He watched with no small amount of shock as Raito's sensuous lips pursed and the small key slid out from between them, gleaming with the wetness of the other boy's mouth. For no reason he could name, it sent a strange, hot thrill of sensation down into the pit of his stomach.

Raito looked up at him through those lashes again and retrieved the key with one hand, leaning into L rather than circling behind him. "Don't move," the other boy repeated.

How was he supposed to move? He found that his eyes had closed the moment Raito leaned into him, the clean scent of feathery, light brown hair filling his sense of smell and his mind. Dexterous, clever fingers danced over his vulnerable wrists, and he almost imagined that he felt them stroke the skin there briefly before he suddenly had the use of his left hand.

Raito leaned away again, slipping the key back into his mouth before rising to seek out the kitchen.

L struggled with a peculiar tightness in his throat and focused on working his newly freed hand. He knew very well that he and Raito_Kira_ were not friends. He knew that. But sometimes…sometimes he could almost believe that perhaps the other boy had some small measure of affection for him. It was what had kept him holding out hope for that twisting soul.

He wanted to believe that he would be dead already if Raito were utterly beyond redemption, and the fact that he was still alive gave him some slight hope.

But perhaps he was merely being detained here for some other purpose before being killed a little later. He must not underestimate his so-called friend any more than he already had.

The one thing that made him feel a little more secure was that Raito did not have the shinigami eyes, and thus Raito did not know his name. That meant that he could not be killed using the Death Note. And he was almost positive that Kira was an opportunist and would not stoop to perpetrating violence directly upon another human being. It was too messy, too personal. He was _almost_ certain.

As he listened to the gentle _tink-tink_ of the spoon stirring sugar into his tea, he wondered if those rules applied to _him_. Raito seemed to behave rather _personally_ towards him, and him alone. Much more so than Misa, the adorable girlfriend. Strange.

But then, he supposed that he was Kira's only equal and obstruction in the world. That would garner some attention from a megalomaniac such as they were dealing with.

Raito was suddenly beside him again, offering him tea in a delicate porcelain cup painted with scattering sakura blossoms. The tray on which it was offered was beautifully lacquered and was painted with a matching pattern of petals.

"I thought you said you didn't have time to furnish," he murmured, taking the proffered cup gingerly.

"Well, slightly," the other boy replied with a minimalistic shrug, watching him surreptitiously, yet intently, as the tray and other teacup were set aside.

_Surreptitiously yet intently._ That was a skill that only Raito had.

L sipped at his tea. "Not enough sugar," he complained.

"That's all you're getting," Raito replied firmly, eyes acquiring that steely gleam again. "You need to reduce your sugar intake."

L thought that Raito would make a frightening and Hitler-esque wife, but kept the thought safely to himself. "Thank you for the tea," he said belatedly, taking another sip.

His captor relaxed again, picking up the other teacup. "Yes, well…anything for my dearest friend," Raito said in a tone like warm honey.

He choked on his tea and had to cough frantically, only slightly aware that the other boy had rescued the cup from his hand to allow him to die freely. When he was at last able to breathe again and was certain that there was no longer any tea left in his lungs, he looked up with watering eyes, ready to reclaim his cup.

Raito was watching him with a peculiar expression of blended concern and annoyance. "Is it so absurd that I should say something like that?" The hand holding L's tea moved out of range, holding it hostage.

_Damn you, Raito! _He wanted his tea desperately. "I was just surprised. Raito-kun isn't given to making emotional statements."

"Is that a request? A complaint?" Dark amber eyes narrowed at him again.

"Neither. Merely an observation. Raito-kun is typically obsessed with," _taking over the world_, he thought, "capturing Kira."

"That's an annoying habit you have there, Ryuuzaki. 'You' would suffice, since I am the only person you are conversing with. If I had to guess, I would say that particular behavior is an attempt to distance yourself from others. Would that be accurate?"

L felt a stab of dismay. Raito wasn't supposed to psychologically analyze _him_. He was only supposed to think about himself. Didn't Kira only think of himself?

"I want my tea," he said petulantly, refusing to feed Raito's curiosity.

"You can have your tea if you answer me," the brunet said firmly, taking a sip of his own tea.

He tried not to think of how lonely his life had been. He tried not to think of how nonexistent his interpersonal skills were. "Maybe," he admitted grudgingly.

His tea came back within range and he snatched it, taking an eager sip. Raito was watching him with an expression that bordered on contentment, cradling the other cup in both hands now. But it couldn't be contentment. The other boy had to be plotting, or considering a likely plan. Contentment was not something that would be at home in Kira.

Raito glanced at his watch. "Well, Ryuuzaki, it's time to move you into the bedroom. I'd say that 3 A.M. means that it's time to sleep."

"Whatever Raito-kun would like," L agreed complacently. It was never wise to antagonize a sociopath, even though he couldn't help but to do so every once in a while.

That response earned him another considering look from those keen, lovely eyes.

What was it about what he'd said that had set things to clicking within that mysterious mind? He often wondered. He always wondered.

"Yes, it _is_ whatever I would like, isn't it?" Raito smiled darkly at him, rising to his feet.

L looked up into the angel of death's face, Kira's face, and it blurred before him. "Sleep?" he mumbled hopefully. He was not equipped to take the other boy on at this moment, so he sincerely hoped that this was not some new turn for the worse.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki. Sleep."

He thought for a moment that he had felt Raito's fingers stroke through his hair, but suspected that he might have imagined it due to his complete and utter exhaustion. He made a satisfied noise to let his captor know that the idea of sleep pleased him and waited for the other to move him.

* * *

Raito stared through the darkness to the bed that rested a few feet away from his, like another small island in the empty world. He had handcuffed L to the wrought iron headboard, allowing enough play in the chain so that some modicum of comfort could be found. He had also bolted the pieces of the bed frame together and bolted each leg of the frame to the floor, driving into the concrete under the carpet.

He had chosen this place and prepared it for one reason and one reason alone. The possibility that he might decide to keep L alive.

He had fantasized about killing his competition, his ball and chain, for months. Over and over again. It had been all that he could think about. He had obsessed about leering down into that dying face. But with the means finally within his grasp, he had found that he wasn't so certain after all.

If L were gone, whom would he converse with? Who would challenge him? Who would irritate him? Above all, who would remind him that the God of the new world had a human side, warning him away from the pitfall of overconfidence? The world would be…perilously boring without his companion.

He was aware of it every time his fingers traced some contour or another of L's hands or face, every time his mind pressed against the boundaries of the detective's mind.

Yes, this place. It had been ready for some weeks, but it was only tonight that he had decided to make his move. The scale had been tipping back and forth in his mind – kill, preserve, kill, preserve. But today, everything had snapped into clarity, and the scale had shifted decisively towards preservation.

Why that was, he couldn't say. He was thoroughly annoyed with himself for having no logical reason whatsoever for keeping L alive. After all, with the other boy alive, his own life was at risk, and his goals were in danger of remaining unfulfilled.

Maybe it had been the easy way that the detective had been with him lately. Maybe it was the fact that L nonchalantly brought him black coffee when making his own sugared nightmare sludge. Or perhaps it was something in the other boy's smile – the way it quirked up sweetly at the edges when he thought Raito was unaware of being observed by him.

He saw it all. He was perfectly aware that his dark-haired companion stared at him more than was polite. But what could one expect? L was notorious for his lack of normal human behaviors. Kira was notorious for his lack of normal human emotions. Weren't they perfectly inverted reflections of each other?

Raito idly clenched and unclenched his right hand where it rested before him, fisted in the sheets. He felt exhausted, yet wide awake, and was unable to believe that he had actually acted on an _emotional impulse_.

He felt relieved that those pitch black eyes weren't riveted upon him anymore, and yet he wanted them to be. He had always felt that those eyes, darker than the depths of outer space, could somehow see beyond his false humanity and find the truth of God lurking in the darkness. Yes, that L could see his divinity…_and everything else_.

_The truth. The __**lies**__._

Raito pushed the thoughts away impatiently, scowling at L's back in the darkness. The Death Note had fallen to _him_. He had been _chosen_. He must not back down. It was his duty to purge the world of its human blight, to excise its human tumors, and yet while L was alive, he would be unable to do so effectively.

He could still kill him later, if necessary. If L became too much of a hindrance, a bother. But what would be the point? Hadn't he preserved the other boy in order to remain bothered? Perhaps L was a burden that God must bear. A test. Yes, a _test_.

_I will __**beat**__ you_, he thought furiously at that long, slender back where it curved before him, so close and yet beyond the reach of his hands. Like the true name of his opponent.

Raito sighed. He was committed to this. There was no sense in rehashing it in his mind over and over.

_Lewis, Lloyd, Lawrence, Lonnie…_

If he knew that name, would it be too much of a temptation? He almost couldn't believe in the reality of L's mortality until the other was sprawled lifeless before him.

But a mortal God was not so powerful that he could lift that cold body and make it breathe once again if life had fled. The limits of his power vexed him, but at least he was cognizant of them. Thus, he would not kill L out of hand.

It was comforting in a way he had never known to sleep with L so close to him. To be alone with him at last. Strange.

He closed his eyes again, listening to the sound of the other boy's even breathing until it drove him into sleep.

* * *

L opened his eyes slowly, groaning softly into his pillow. His head was _pounding_, and something hard was biting into his right wrist, cutting off circulation to his hand.

Abruptly, the events of last night came rushing into his awareness, bringing him to full alertness. Very slowly, he rolled over to face Raito's bed.

Raito's empty, made bed. The other boy was nowhere to be seen. "Raito-kun?" he called out, listening for a response. Nothing.

He sat up suddenly and regretted the movement immediately as his head spun. Holding his free hand to his temple, he lifted the cuffed hand and pulled experimentally. The chain stretched taut between his wrist and where it was fastened to the heavy wrought-iron headboard, but there was no give. No weakness.

He noted the padding wrapped around the metal with slight amusement. Raito wouldn't want his chain and cuff to clatter against the metal all night as L tossed and turned. Kira's rest must _not_ be disturbed.

L scanned the drab room with quick eyes, looking for anything that might help him escape. Searching every surface for a carelessly forgotten key to his handcuffs. He knew Raito must have taken it out of his mouth before sleeping, but he did not see where the other boy might have put it.

The solitary bedroom did not have a window. In fact, the only window he had noted had been in the living room, but the heavy wooden blinds had been closed, permitting no outside light to enter. He had no idea what floor he was on, no idea of his surroundings.

Aside from the beds, a modest dresser and a battered end table between them for a single lamp, there was no other furniture in the room. The closet was only a few feet from his bed, the sliding door left open. In the gloom, he could see that there was indeed clothing amassed within its depths. A sign that Raito planned an extended stay here.

The light was on in the small bathroom on the other side of the room, but he could not ascertain the purpose of the light being left on. Unless Raito was trying to be considerate by not leaving him in total gloom? No, his captor must have forgotten to turn it off for some reason. Kira was not considerate. Not in the least. It didn't fit the profile.

He heard a door open somewhere else in the apartment, and knew that it had to be the front door. He had missed his window of opportunity – Kira was home.

L listened closely, hearing movement in the kitchen, but was unable to see through the partially closed bedroom door.

The door was pushed open a minute later and Raito entered, carrying a plate of croissants in one hand and a mug in the other. "Good, you're awake," the brunet murmured, setting the plate and mug down on the end table between their beds.

L made a noncommittal noise, reaching for the croissants eagerly. A hand suddenly clamped around his wrist, forestalling him.

"What do you say?" Raito prompted softly, looking intently into his eyes.

He gritted his teeth. "Good morning?" he grumbled. His eyes went back to the warm croissants and the steaming coffee.

Fingers clamped on either side of his jaw, forcibly turning his head so that he had to look into Raito's paling amber eyes. "That's a beginning." The softness of that voice was menacing.

L recalled his sense of self-preservation. "Thank you, Raito-kun. Did you make a special trip for me?" Upon realizing that such had to be the case, he was touched despite himself.

Raito's lashes came down and he glanced to the side, fingers releasing their grip upon L's face. "Well." With that, he turned away, walking back towards the bedroom door as if to leave L alone.

"Isn't Raito-kun going to eat something?" he asked, surprised.

"I'm not hungry anymore," came the muttered response, the door closing behind his only companion.

Dammit. Now he was left in here alone. Left to his own devices. The boredom would kill him before Kira did. He scanned the room again, but to the same effect. Nothing here would allow him to free himself. Even if he did, was he prepared to use violence against Raito, if it came to that? He had to be. He had to find it within himself.

The thought of harming his supposed friend, of injuring him, made L feel ill. Perhaps this would be the end of his life. If he was incapable of striking at that lovely, evil, leering face, then everything was already lost. He had no resources here with which to cleanly ensnare Kira. Even so, Kira would get the death penalty, as should any mass murderer.

L rubbed his face, sighing, and picked up a croissant to devour while he thought. The death notebook was around here somewhere, he was certain of it. Why couldn't Raito have resisted its call? Why couldn't a normal life have been satisfactory?

What was he thinking? _He_ hadn't been satisfied with a normal life, either. It was a worse fate than death. This new life that he had created insulated him from other human beings, provided a convenient excuse to avoid forming bonds to other human beings. He should know better.

The realization that his behavior could and would drive Raito away from him and thus leave him locked away in a room with his boredom made him reconsider his strategy. Perhaps it would be better to play to the other boy's desires. He could be a little more polite, couldn't he? He knew how it was done; he just hadn't felt the need to bother with the niceties of such pleasantries before now.

L had finished his croissants. He tested the coffee and found that it had more sugar than his tea from the night before. After working on it for a while, musing on the nature of his captor as he did so, he set the half-empty mug down. Time to try again.

"Raito-kun," he called. Nothing. "_Raito-kun!_"

The door opened a minute later, revealing Kira's cool, assessing eyes. "Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

"I apologize for being ungrateful, Raito-kun. My head hurts horribly, I need to use the restroom and I need a shower. I think that drug is still affecting me."

"I'd say _not_, Ryuuzaki. You've always been ungrateful. There's nothing unusual about that." The words were delivered frostily, with a subtle kick.

He wanted to kick Raito in the head for that, but there was no way he could reach – and that behavior would _definitely_ not achieve any of his goals. "Everyone has personality flaws. But friends accept each other in spite of them, isn't that so, Raito-kun?"

Those Kira eyes bored into him relentlessly, failing to yield the hoped for response.

"_Please_, Raito," he said quietly, trying to force his features into making the appropriate expression. Much as he despised being expressive, Kira was not going to be drawn in without a show of vulnerability.

Raito suddenly smirked, eyes glinting with amusement as he moved into the room. He was dressed in his usual immaculate 'uniform' of white dress shirt and slacks. "Feeling closer to me since the croissants, Ryuuzaki?"

He pretended to be confused. "What?"

"No honorifics all of a sudden. 'Raito', you said." The eyes that looked down upon L were bright with triumph.

"I…suppose I did, Raito-kun," he replied, scratching his head and looking away to be convincing.

"_Raito,_" Raito repeated forcefully.

"What?" he asked again, his surprise sincere this time as he peered up into those disturbing eyes.

"No 'kun'. Call me Raito. _Raito._" Those dark amber eyes were burning with a peculiar light.

"O…kay," L agreed slowly, perplexed and a little alarmed. Every time he thought he was adjusted to Kira's peculiarities, some new behavior or quirk emerged to throw him off balance again.

Raito slipped the key to the handcuffs out of his mouth again, and L resisted the urge to close his eyes. Would he lose his own sanity if locked up with a lunatic for long enough?

He liked to think that he would remain sane.

The other boy rested a knee on the bed, leaning over L's folded legs to open the handcuff and transfer it to his own wrist in order to relocate him to the restroom. "Come, Ryuuzaki," Raito murmured, a casual hand glancing lightly over the back of his head in a not-quite-caressing motion.

L rose compliantly enough, but he was wondering if it was possible to overpower Raito at this moment, when the key was easily within reach. He was slimmer than his captor, but also taller when he straightened to his full height. He did not know how their strength compared.

"Don't make me hurt you, Ryuuzaki," Raito murmured from behind him as he herded L into the restroom.

"How would I _make_ you do such a thing, Raito-ku…Raito?" he murmured back.

"By doing something unnecessary and futile. I hope you know that I am not as unarmed as I appear."

L felt his eyes widen with surprise, but swiftly resumed his deadpan expression. Even though Raito was behind him, the mirror in the restroom was now reflecting both their faces.

Raito unfastened the handcuffs from both their wrists. "I will leave you 'alone' for approximately 150 seconds so that you may use the toilet. Will that suffice?"

He nodded. He had been terribly stupid to assume that Kira would be unarmed based on appearances.

* * *

Raito waited only until he heard the running water of the sink to re-enter the bathroom. He was amused to note that L looked like a deer in headlights. "Take off your shirt, Ryuuzaki," he ordered casually.

"But you're in here…Raito," the dark-haired boy protested weakly.

"Have you never been naked around your friends before, Ryuuzaki? Really. You get stranger and stranger."

A brief look that could have translated to, '_you_ should talk' flitted across L's features before being reabsorbed by the standard flat expression that the detective liked to adopt.

He found it entertaining and endearing to observe his captive's small acts of rebellion. He cherished them, really. Except when they made him angry.

Raito watched as L slowly pulled his white long-sleeved shirt over his head, eyes consuming the pale, hungry body as it was revealed. The other boy wouldn't meet his eyes, but only stood there looking at the beige tile of the floor, shirt bunched before him in anxious hands.

He took the shirt from L and draped it over the towel bar on the wall, never taking his attention completely away from the detective. Looks were always deceiving. Always.

Raito snapped one of the cuffs closed around L's right wrist and pushed him towards the shower stall, forcing him to get in.

"Raito…Raito, how am I to shower like this?" L asked hesitantly, slight lines of stress appearing around the inexpressive eyes.

He secured the other cuff to the grab bar on the longest wall of the shower stall where it stretched a few feet below the small window. "Easily. I'm leaving you a hand free."

"But…you're not staying _in_ here, are you?" Those dark eyes met his only briefly before darting away to examine the restroom walls again.

Raito smiled. He couldn't help himself. The bold, intrepid L, incapable of meeting his eyes because of a little breached privacy. Incredible. He made a mental note. "Of _course_ I'm staying in here with you, Ryuuzaki. There's no way I would be able to trust you alone. There _is_ a shower curtain." He indicated the thin white plastic with the flick of a finger. "I'm not going to _watch_ you, you know." He tried to control the wild spread of his smirk. Tried, but failed.

L shot him an uncertain, cagey look, seeming to wrestle for control of his expression at the same time. Long, pale fingers pulled the shower curtain closed between them, breaking their eye contact, but thanks to the light coming in from the small window, he could still see the vague shadow of the other boy's body behind the curtain.

Raito sat down on the closed lid of the toilet and watched that silhouette moving. He listened to the sound of the detective's ever-present jeans being unfastened, the sound of fabric being removed from a too-thin body. The clothing was ejected to land on the floor before him a moment later, and he made a face at the very boring and utilitarian underwear half-disguised under the folds of the jeans. Not that he had expected anything else…

The sound of drumming water filled the small space, and Raito's gaze returned to watching L's silhouette.

"Raito-kun—" L began.

"_Raito!_" he corrected sharply.

There was a small silence from behind the curtain, a pause in the figure's movement. "Raito. Raito, I do hope that you have clothing for me…?"

Raito made a disdainful noise. "Of course I do, Ryuuzaki. What kind of idiot do you think I am? I told you that I prepared your accommodations. I know the drab clothing that you choose to wear, so I purchased accordingly. Your clothing is in the dresser."

There was no response from behind the shower curtain for a few minutes. Then, "Thank you, Raito." L's voice sounded small and vulnerable.

"You're my only true friend, Ryuuzaki. I can't let you go naked, now can I?" He attempted a joking tone, but sensed that his captive was not in a joking mood.

"You'll do whatever you like," the silhouette replied flatly.

Raito scowled. "That's not so. I have taken your needs and even your wants into account. You're being rather unfair to me in saying such a thing."

Another long silence from behind the curtain.

Raito was not averse to filling it. "How do you think the search for Kira is going without us? Do you suppose they've caught me yet?" He felt his face split into a wide, manic grin.

There came the sudden _thump_ of the soap being dropped in the shower stall. "_W-what?_" L blurted out, voice pitched higher than usual.

"I said, 'Do you suppose they've caught him yet?'," he repeated in an exasperated tone, watching the silhouette of the other boy carefully for any other amusing reactions.

L stooped to pick the soap up. "That's not what you said, Raito. You said 'me'. 'Do you suppose they've caught _me_ yet?'." The detective's tone was insistent.

"Honestly, Ryuuzaki, you carry this obsession with Kira too far," Raito teased in a mock-bored tone. "You think that _everyone_ is Kira."

"No, Raito, just _you_," L replied, voice low and intense. "And considering that you have drugged and abducted me and made references to avoiding unfortunate outcomes, I'd say that there is no doubt whatsoever that you are Kira. We're at 100 probability now."

He was surprised at L's boldness in saying so much, considering the current situation. "Would you like me to _pretend_ that I'm Kira, Ryuuzaki?" he taunted coyly. "Hasn't that always been your fantasy, what you've clung to all this time? You need me to be your Kira, isn't that right?"

Raito heard the _thump_ of the soap being dropped a second time, barely able to keep from laughing aloud. He watched with glee as the slender silhouette reached sharply for the edge of the curtain, no doubt in order to rip it away and confront him – and then stopped. Watched it hesitate, waver and at last resume its former position. Watched it retrieve the soap again.

A somber mood slid over him suddenly. "I'm protecting you from a dangerous world," Raito said softly into the humid air, rapacious eyes leaving L's silhouette alone for a moment in order to study the discarded clothing once again.

There came a faint vocalization from L, but it wasn't a word – just an inarticulate sound.

"Don't you need me to be Kira for you, Ryuuzaki?" he prodded insistently, seriously.

"Actually, no. What I really wish, Raito-kun, is for you _not_ to be Kira." L's voice sounded pushed, rough and half-swallowed.

Raito sat up straight, slanting a startled look at the silhouette playing against the curtain. L _didn't_ want him to be Kira? That didn't make any sense. Not at all. They only thrilled to each other's presence because they challenged each other, because he was Kira and L needed him to be Kira. Wasn't that so? There wasn't any other reason.

He rose and left the bathroom, going directly to the dresser to pick out some clothing for L. As he considered and chose, he turned the key to the handcuffs over and over in his mouth, his tongue toying with it.

He hadn't liked the idea of keeping it in his mouth initially, nor the metallic flavor, but there was nothing else for it. Putting it anywhere else was simply asking for L to escape him. When he went to sleep, he tucked the key securely under the sheath of the small dagger that he now wore at all times on the inside of his left arm.

The precautions were tiresome. _So_ tiresome. Why couldn't L simply be a good captive and succumb? But part of what he liked about the detective was that annoying stubbornness.

He returned to the bathroom with his choices. The sound of water stopped as he entered the room. He waited patiently as L toweled off.

"Raito?" the dark-haired boy called warily.

"Are you ready for your clothes now?" he asked.

Raito watched in fascination as a white, disembodied hand reached towards him from behind the curtain, examining the way the digits curled loosely, the angular and interesting shape of the palm and the slender, fragile-seeming wrist that the hand tapered into.

"Raito?" The fingers opened wider, searching. Querying.

He nudged the underwear into that hand first. Listened to it being pulled up. Offered the fresh jeans. Listened to them being struggled into, listened to L making annoyed noises.

"Raito!" the detective snapped, obviously frustrated. "Will you help me, here?"

Raito set the clean shirt on the edge of the sink before pulling back the shower curtain. The sight that greeted him was both amusing and…intriguing. L looked slightly pitiful, slightly vulnerable…and very…_interesting_. The dark hair that typically fell in tapered points was slicked down, softening the angles of L's face and making the large, bruised eyes seem even more prominent in that ivory face.

His gaze skimmed down the slender shoulders, the slim build – and stopped at the bony hips. L had only managed to get the jeans halfway up his hips, leaving them sagging and unbuttoned, partially revealing his underwear.

"And you want me to do what?" Raito asked curiously, bringing his eyes back up to meet L's with an effort.

Was L _blushing_ just the slightest bit?

"I need you to finish what I started. Pull them up the rest of the way and button them. This doesn't work with one hand." The black eyes seemed to add an '_obviously_' as they stared at him.

If that was the way L wanted to be… "Of course, Ryuuzaki. I'll help you."

He stepped into the stall with the other boy, standing as close to him as possible, and bent his head to focus on what he was doing. He _accidentally_ caught his fingers in the band of L's underwear, _unintentionally_ stroked his fingertips over the exposed hips as he sought to pull the jeans up. L flinched a bit both times.

Raito continued as if oblivious, but as he pulled the zipper up on the jeans, he exerted a light pressure upon the sensitive flesh beneath the fabric. This elicited a small choking sound from L. It was quickly stifled, but he heard it in the silence of the bathroom.

He looked up again, meeting dark, wide eyes from a distance of no more than several inches. The blush had spread. "Are you all right, Ryuuzaki?" Raito breathed, attempting to look concerned instead of how he truly felt.

L's lips moved soundlessly for a moment, eyes remaining fixed upon his with a singular focus.

Raito looked down again, deliberately fumbling at buttoning the jeans. "You know, Ryuuzaki, I will never understand why you insist on wearing these things. Slacks are much easier." Deciding that he had embarrassed L enough, he finished buttoning them and released the handcuff from the grab bar in the shower stall.

"Shirt," L managed to mutter.

"Oh, yes." He stepped out of the shower stall and passed the article of clothing without further comment, waiting until it was on before fastening the handcuff again.

Raito led L through the bedroom and out into the living room, noting how the detective looked longingly at the laptop. "You don't need that," he assured L.

He caught the tail end of the resentful look the dark-haired boy shot him, but paid it no mind. "I'm going to let you watch TV, Ryuuzaki. Hopefully that won't be too boring. I have to go out."

As he handcuffed L to the pole in the living room, the detective glared sullenly at him. "Raito, how long are you going to keep me like this?"

"As long as necessary," he replied gently, failing to be offended by the other's childish behavior. He was in a pleasant mood. Shaking L's confidence always seemed to improve his mood.

Raito dragged the upholstered footrest away from the recliner in the corner and brought it close to the pole so that L could sit upon it as he watched TV. He then brought the remote. As an afterthought, he turned on the light.

"I'll be home soon, Ryuuzaki," he promised his captive, locking the door behind him as he left.

The only response was the screen of the TV flaring to life.


	3. Sinking In

**A/N: Hello again! More fic! And by the way, please feel free to message me if you notice mistakes. I haven't had much time to proofread and edit.**

* * *

L stared sullenly at the TV screen, but only half of his attention was on the news at the moment. Raito's behavior was occupying the other half of his mind.

What was going on? Raito had always had those teasing moments, but what he had been subjected to in the bathroom had no precedent. He had never been flirted with before, so he couldn't even say for certain that Raito _had_ been flirting with him. But his embarrassment and Raito's subsequent smugness were simply too conveniently matched.

It _had_ been deliberate. But why would Raito go to such lengths to embarrass him? Was it because of how he had flinched last night? If this was the other boy's new way to torment him, it was working splendidly. He must _not_ give his captor any more ammunition. He must _not_ react! His will was stronger than this.

L brought his free hand to his lips, gnawing determinedly at the side of his thumb. Damn Kira for analyzing him and observing him. Damn him for kicking a hole in the profile that L had meticulously constructed from observation, evidence and what _had_ been inevitable conclusions. And damn Kira for being so _beautiful_.

Not just beautiful. Alluring. Charming. Persuasive. Brilliant. Humorous.

He winced as he bit down on his thumb too hard, but continued to chew and stare fixedly at the TV screen, no longer seeing it. Anxiety scrabbled in the pit of his stomach.

Why did he react to Raito at all? He'd never found anyone attractive before. When had he begun to think that those features were beautiful? When had he begun to pay attention to the changing colors of those eyes, the myriad expressions that flickered across that face, so subtle and swift that no one else but L saw them?

Was he so weak that he became vulnerable to the first person to treat him like a human being and not another resource, or an extraordinary mind without any emotions whatsoever?

Raito had always looked directly into his eyes - directly into _him_, it seemed. It was extremely disturbing that the only person that had ever truly _known_ him was a sociopath and a mass-murderer. And it was even _more_ worrisome that said sociopath was the only person that he enjoyed bantering with and sharing tea with, the only person that he could relate to.

But in actuality, he and Kira were nothing alike. It was only _Raito_ that he related to. But there was no separating one from the other any longer.

L suddenly tasted the metallic tang of blood in his mouth and withdrew his thumb, surprised. He had bitten down too firmly and hadn't even realized. That was the alarming affect that Raito, and even thinking about Raito, had on him. It had to stop. It _had_ to.

How long would he be forced to look at that face, finally unmasked? Raito was a murderer. Raito was cruel. Raito was cold.

But also endearing. _There_, the error in his assessment. How could someone like Raito be considered endearing?

He watched the blood ooze slowly from the small cut on his thumb, hypnotized.

It was imperative that he have this sorted out in his mind by the time Raito returned. _Essential._

* * *

"Thank you, I'll just be a few minutes," Raito assured the bank employee. He entered the indicated private room and sat down, opening his safe deposit box.

Contained within it were L's cell phone, his own, false identification, both Death Notes and miscellaneous odds and ends that he didn't want accessible to just anyone.

He drew his cell phone out and checked his messages, lips compressing with displeasure as he listened to Misa's whining voice. She wanted to see him. As usual. The only reason he continued to communicate with her was to allay further suspicions and to keep Rem from deciding to kill him out of hand.

He must not let Misa know that L was with him, nor that he had any interest in keeping the detective alive. It would give her – or more accurately, _Rem_ – something with which to control him and blackmail him.

Not that he cared about L very much at all, but he had gone through a great deal of effort to preserve the other boy. Only _he_ would say when L was to die.

Could he set up a situation in which Rem would be forced to kill someone else to protect Misa? That would be effective in removing the shinigami from his path. Yes, perhaps he ought to look into arranging such a situation.

Raito smiled to himself as he deleted Misa's message. Checking his watch, he confirmed that she should be in the middle of a photo shoot. He called her home phone and quietly crooned plausible excuses about why he couldn't see her just yet - the task force, suspicion, et cetera.

The part about the task force was true, however. That would be his next stop. It shouldn't be too difficult to convince them that he was innocent of involvement with L's disappearance, however. No one had seen the two of them leave together last night. As far as they knew, L had remained at headquarters when he himself had left for the evening. That would be his story.

The other reason he couldn't see Misa at the moment was that it would simply take too long. He didn't want to leave L to his own devices for that long, and not just because he feared the detective might somehow find a means of escaping. He also did not want to be burdened with an angry L, and his teasing this morning had apparently gone too far for his companion's comfort.

Amusing, and most fascinating. Of all people, he would never have suspected L as being one to have a weakness to charm and physical contact. Now that he knew, he would hammer that vulnerability relentlessly. He had initially been troubled as to how to control the detective without knowing any of his weaknesses, but that was now a moot concern.

He considered L's entertaining reactions as he listened to the second message. It was his mother asking if he would like to have dinner with the family on Friday – tomorrow evening.

Raito quickly returned the call and left a message confirming that he would love to, then turned his cell off and returned it to the metal box. He lightly stroked his fingers over L's silver flip-phone, smirking to himself as he thought of the 'L' wallpaper on the phone. _You're actually quite as vain as I am_, he thought with something akin to satisfaction.

His own black phone was rather minimalist compared to L's, which had all sorts of functionality, but their phones were actually very similar in appearance. This also pleased him for no reason that he could articulate.

He picked up L's phone and opened it, noting that the detective had several messages, as well. As he listened to the messages, he frowned. They were all from Watari, asking why L had missed his usual rendezvous with the older man, and in the last message a reference was made to some plan that the two of them had arranged in the event of L's death. Watari was saying that he would active said plan if he did not hear from L soon.

_Dammit. _He hadn't wanted to be troubled with disposing of Watari, but what else could he do? He would have to figure out a way. Raito closed the phone and replaced it back in the box, disgruntled.

_L, why are you so damned annoying?_

He closed the box again and stepped out of the room, signaling that he was done. The young woman that had assisted him initially ran right over, beaming up into his face with near-adoration.

"Are you finished, sir?" she asked breathlessly.

He smiled back. "Yes, thank you. You've been most helpful," he scanned her name tag surreptitiously, "Otsuma-san."

She fluttered at him a moment more before he managed to extricate himself. As he stepped out of the bank, his strides lengthened and the smile on his face disappeared as if it had never been.

Now it was time to confront the members of the task force and make excuses about why he wouldn't be able to spend much time there today. Perhaps something about being tired, and wanting to work on the Kira case at home on his own for the evening. Yes, perhaps that would work. He knew they would be somewhat suspicious of him due to L's annoying habit of broadcasting the percentage of likelihood that Raito was Kira to everyone in the vicinity.

Now…_now_ he had the freedom to smack that clever mouth if it said something that he disliked. He would prefer not to resort to doing such things, as leaving L untended was apparently a more effective punishment, but…it thrilled him that the option was open to him. _Any_ option was open to him. He **loved** having complete control over the detective's life. There was no other feeling as beautiful, nothing else that could give him such a high.

He was in a splendid mood. Perhaps he would pick up a treat for his sullen captive on his way 'home' from headquarters – and after he checked up on his real apartment and made it look a little lived in by cooking something to leave in the refrigerator and throwing some clothes in the hamper, et cetera. Ah yes, and he mustn't forget to water the plants.

Sooner or later, the task force would want to investigate his apartment when L did not return. He would be _ready_ for them.

* * *

L was startled into full wakefulness when the front door suddenly opened. Without realizing it, he had begun to fall asleep with his back against the pole for support. A good thing he hadn't been left to sleep like that – he would have been rather displeased if he had fallen off of the footrest and wrenched his arm or worse.

He heard the refrigerator door open and close, and then the sound of Raito's footsteps coming back towards him.

Raito stopped and stood motionless in the foyer, just looking at him. The shadows covered most of the other boy's face where he stood, making pools of darkness in the hollows of his eyes.

"Raito?" he asked tentatively. "What time is it?"

"Six or so," the shadowy figure replied tonelessly, still not moving.

"I have to use the restroom, Raito," he said pointedly.

"Of course you do, Ryuuzaki. Did you miss me?"

L blinked several times, squinting in surprise at Raito. "Er…no? It was only a few hours. But it _was_ very boring here." He had missed Raito a bit, but he wasn't going to say such a stupid thing.

"Oh? Perhaps I should leave for a while." Raito's tone was slightly playful, but also had a slight edge to it.

_Great, __**antagonize**__ the sociopath as soon as he comes home. _Mind clearing, L tried again. "Well, perhaps I did miss you…a little," he admitted grudgingly. Nauseating. He would have vengeance on Raito for this one day.

Raito finally stepped into the light, wearing his usual mysterious smile. "Ahh, I suspected as much. Why do you attempt to hide your feelings from your friends, Ryuuzaki? Honestly, I don't understand you at all." The sly smile creeping over Raito's face said otherwise, however.

_Glad you're __**so**__ pleased, Raito-__**kun**_, he thought in irritation. It vexed him even more that he didn't even dare to say it aloud.

He watched as Raito walked over to him, thinking it unfair that the other boy was so graceful – dancing in slow motion, every movement a perfect coordination of long, shapely limbs. He suppressed the urge to bite his thumb again. This way of thinking was getting him nowhere.

"What's wrong? You seem…disturbed." Raito's amber eyes were concerned, sympathetic.

He wasn't falling for it. The predator sensed weakness – that was all. "I'm fine, Raito, just bored out of my mind. If we weren't such close friends, I'd say that you were trying to torture me." He kept his tone light and benign.

"You're angry with me," Raito stated flatly, glancing at the TV screen. "Nothing that I do makes you happy, Ryuuzaki. _Nothing._ The only thing I could do to please you would be to become Kira for you."

_What??_ He frowned up at his captor, noting the tenseness that lined the other boy's body. But he was more concerned with the words that were coming out of left field. Was that truly what Raito thought and felt? Ridiculous! He could deal with the logical Raito_Kira_, but not the emotional one. And he knew better than to point out to Raito that there _was_ an emotional Raito_Kira_, because his 'friend' seemed largely unaware of that fact.

"We've been over this. You know that I would rather you _not_ be Kira, Raito-kun—"

"No '_kun'_!" Raito raged, suddenly whipping around to slap him in the face.

The shock of it knocked him off balance and he ended up sprawled on the floor, his arm wrenched. The pain that seeped into the muscles of his shoulder and back told him that he had strained them a little. He gritted his teeth, suddenly angry.

"Ryuuzaki!" Raito exclaimed in concern, moving to his side with alacrity.

As soon as Raito was within range, L kicked him in the side. This was apparently the wrong thing to do.

Raito immediately seized the offending limb in an iron grip and cuffed L in the head yet again, but more seriously this time. "Don't.**fucking**.," Kira growled in a menacing and deadly voice.

L froze, despite the fact that his ringing ears only made him more furious with Raito. He did not, however, want to have a physical fight with his captor when he only had one hand to use and no range of movement. He was horrified to hear himself make a slight choking sound as his own helplessness overwhelmed him.

Raito drew closer to his face, amber eyes as pale as he had ever seen them. "Look what you made me do," the brunet whispered chidingly, lightly touching L's bleeding lip.

L flinched, unable to keep from stealing glances up at that face, but he had nowhere to go. _Get away, get away, get __**away**__…don't touch!_

Those eyes closed slowly, and as if in a dream, Kira leaned in and delicately licked at his bleeding lip.

His heart stopped. Stopped and _froze_ before suddenly speeding up wildly. He wanted to escape, needed to run away from this insane boy, but he was trapped. _TRAPPED_, and utterly deprived of his precious freedom.

"What you always _make_ me do…" Kira repeated huskily, licking L's lip more boldly. Sensually.

L shuddered and closed his eyes. He couldn't help it. He wasn't sure what to do in such a situation. He had studied and observed just about everything else that was relevant to his existence and the necessary interactions with others, but he had never thought that he would be in this position. It wasn't even a kiss. As far as he could tell, Raito was intent upon his blood. Which only made things worse. He could have clearly rejected a kiss. He had no idea what to do with someone licking his bloody lip - the lip _they_ had cut.

His entire body was shaking. He was ashamed, and terrified, and ashamed of being terrified. He was angry and disturbed, unsettled and confused as to what to do. And he was disgusted, _disgusted_ by the thrill chasing up his spine and radiating through his stomach.

L became aware of someone murmuring. He realized with a start that it was himself, murmuring, "Stopitstopit_stopit_," in a hoarse litany.

The insistent lapping at his lip continued for a moment more before ceasing altogether, and he tried to focus on Raito's hand where it lay against the side of his face, fingers slightly twisted in his hair.

"Do I frighten you so much, Ryuuzaki? Just cleaning the blood from your lip? I apologize for hitting you. You know I didn't mean it." Raito's tone was faux-tender and cajoling, trying to bring him back to reality so that he could appreciate his torture.

He opened his eyes warily, just a bit freaked out by the smear of blood evident on Raito's full, sensual lips. "That…was unsanitary," he choked out, attempting to enforce some normalcy.

Raito's eyes had returned to their usual color, and his expression was contrite. "You shouldn't have kicked me, Ryuuzaki. You know that I have a temper."

"You shouldn't have slapped me," he shot back.

"You shouldn't have _disobeyed_ me, Ryuuzaki," Raito growled. "That was what began this."

"It was an _accident!_" he exploded, pushed beyond his limit. "Calling you with an honorific is a _habit!_"

"I apologized already," Raito murmured, leaning in again as if he intended to lick at L's lip once more.

He blocked the attempt with an arm across his captor's collarbones. "It's _fine_," he said pointedly.

"But you're bleeding again," Raito insisted, expression focused and determined.

"Raito! It's—" His arm was suddenly forced back by his captured wrist, and the heat of the other boy's mouth was back, gently sucking at his wounded lip.

He wasn't one for cursing, but…._**fuck**_!

"**Raito!**" he barked out, trying to turn his head away. "This is completely unnecessary, and you're invading my personal space to an absurd extent. Stop it, or I'll be forced to kick you again."

"But this is what friends do, and you're my closest friend. And my only."

"Raito, I have to ask where you picked up this insane notion of friendship. Bondage, beating and lip licking are not really friendship activities."

"And how should _you_ know, Ryuuzaki?" Raito taunted softly, drawing back to look into his eyes from a minimal distance.

"I am familiar with common culture and typical human interactions and their range of behaviors during said interactions," he explained. "Can you please get off of me now? I despise close contact with people, Raito. You know that. If we are friends, you must respect my personal space."

"If we are friends, you shouldn't _mind_ being close to me, Ryuuzaki. Perhaps you're playing me false, and all you've ever cared about is your notion that I might be Kira." Those eyes were beginning to resemble Kira's again.

"Please, I'm exhausted. And I have to use the restroom. Please allow me to do so, and then I'd like to request that we go to bed." _**And**__ I'd like to kick you in the head._

L was subjected to watching Raito's pupils pin in response. He really didn't want to know why any of what he had just said should elicit such a response from his captor. But he was about to discard the profile that he had put together so painstakingly. It had once been accurate, but at this point, it seemed that almost everything they had known about Kira was now useless.

"Very well, Ryuuzaki. Is your arm all right?"

"It hurts a bit, but I'm certain that the damage is not permanent. It doesn't require any attention, although I'd prefer not to have it be the arm that is handcuffed tonight."

"Of course. You know that I'd do anything for you." Raito was smiling.

L shot a searching glance at the other boy to gauge the tenor of that smile. There was no way that Raito meant that seriously. It was simply too obnoxious, especially after what had just happened. It was another taunt.

"Yes, I'm sure," he muttered as he collected himself and sat up. "I couldn't ask for a better friend."

"I'm glad that we're in agreement on that," his captor replied smoothly, freeing L's handcuffed hand and helping him up.

L wisely kept his retort to himself.

* * *

Raito waited patiently until he was certain that L was asleep before slipping quietly out of bed. He moved with silent stealth to the detective's bedside and stared down at the vague form for a moment before leaning down to bring his lips near L's ear.

"I'm _Kira_," he whispered sweetly into that ear, lips brushing its curve lightly as he spoke.

Immediately he was back in his bed as if he had never left it, lying motionless and listening.

L awoke with a gasp, actually sitting up in bed. Aside from frantic breathing, there was silence for a very long moment before the detective said, "Raito?" in a thready voice.

He played dead, watching his captive's darker shape against the general darkness of the room with half-closed eyes. He didn't want the gleam of his eyes to give him away. There was precious little ambient light leaking into the room. Only the soft light that he left on in the foyer bled its way in under the door. It was just enough.

"Raito," L whispered to himself, somehow conveying fear through the susurration.

Raito felt a smile take over his face – the sort of smile that displeased L the most. He had never enjoyed himself so much in his entire life. Why hadn't he done this before?

L was _easy_ to play, but despite that, so very entertaining to play _with_. None of his other toys or distractions had ever pleased him like this or filled him with such wondrous glee. This annoying detective was the best thing that had ever happened to him – in disguise.

The other boy had settled back to lie down again. Raito sensed more than saw that L was watching him in the darkness.

_That's better, L. Focus all of your mind upon me. No distractions! You need to be paying attention when I'm stalking you. That's how you played into my hands in the first place – by allowing yourself to be distracted by lesser things._

But it was too late for L now. He had already fallen into Raito's hands. He would not permit the detective to escape him, not ever.

* * *

Raito resisted the urge to prop his head on his hand as he pretended to focus on Misa. He was actually keeping an eye on Rem while the model chattered on.

"We should make wedding plans, Raito—" Misa began, insipid eyes full of hope.

"_Kun_," he interjected firmly. "Raito-_kun_. We're not married just _yet_, Misa, and you mustn't assume that I'll be able to make plans right now. I'm very busy and I don't have time for that sort of thing."

She pouted at him, winding a finger in one of the blond locks falling over her shoulders. "But we're in love, Raito-kun! And why can't I just call you Raito?"

He had fond thoughts of L. If only he were spending this time with the other boy instead of being tormented by Misa.

"Because it isn't proper, Misa! Think of your reputation – and mine. You know how I feel about propriety."

She frowned thoughtfully, seemingly tripped up by considering the notion.

He could feel Rem's ugly gaze boring into his temple.

"You still haven't gotten the chance to kill that detective, have you?" Misa asked in a rare moment of solemnity.

"Don't say things like that here," he hissed, glancing around the restaurant surreptitiously as he sipped his third glass of scotch. "Besides, it won't matter once this world belongs to Kira."

Raito resisted the urge to sneer at them both. As if he would kill L now after so carefully preserving him.

"Aren't you being overly confident?" Rem asked coolly.

"Not at all," he assured the shinigami. "L is easy enough to distract."

Internally, he was seething. He _loathed_ being questioned about his ability to fulfill his goals. And he found it intolerable when others tried to influence his actions and choices.

He found his gaze wandering to track a tall, slender boy across the restaurant. The boy's posture was slightly sloppy, just like L's, and the dark hair was vaguely reminiscent.

Raito pressed the glass of scotch harder to his lips, recalling the wild, frightened look the detective had worn when trapped beneath him. Those large, dark eyes were quite striking, especially when the sleepless shadows beneath them had faded.

That beautiful, delectable fear, the bleeding lip trembling beneath his stroking tongue…

Raito set his glass down determinedly, dragging his gaze back to the very blond Misa with considerable effort. "I'm very tired, Misa. I know it's unfair, but I'm going to have to cut this short."

"Will you at least think about where you'd want to have our wedding, Raito-kun?" she entreated, gazing up at him with wide eyes that did nothing at all for him.

"Yes, I'll give it careful thought." He casually laid money on the table and picked up his coat, shrugging into it.

He smiled once more at Misa and Rem before walking with determined steadiness down the aisle towards the door. As he walked, he scanned the room again for the boy he had seen earlier, then smirked to himself.

It didn't matter. The person the boy resembled was helpless to do anything but wait on his pleasure. _His_ pleasure… Raito lifted his hand and pressed the back of his fingers to his lips unconsciously, strolling out into the night.

He should probably give L the pie. With the awkward events of last night, he had never had a chance to mention it. Perhaps they'd have tea when he got home, and the detective could have his treat. The domesticity of it pleased him in a way having girlfriends and being with his family never had.

But there was still the irksome matter of preventing Watari from executing whatever contingency plan that he and L had concocted. After thinking fruitlessly for a moment as he walked, he shrugged. His mind had a way of working things out on its own. It was one of the reasons he always carried a voice recorder with him.

No matter how he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about the detective's delightful reactions to him. Fear, vulnerability, disturbance. All of the things he craved and had always wanted to see breaking the surface of that reserved and unflappable exterior. Now that he had his wish, he was addicted. He couldn't stop trying to provoke those reactions.

It was even more intolerable to waste his time with Misa and the task force when he knew he could be tormenting L in new and exciting ways. Without limits, without boundaries. That was what he loved the most - violating L's boundaries and pushing him beyond his limits.

_Shake for me. Break underneath me. __**Cry**__, and cry for mercy._

Raito smiled to himself, but he felt slightly restless. Somewhat anxious and displeased. There was a growing hunger for something within him, and he had no idea what to do about it.

The streets were quiet and deserted in the falling dusk, with only one or two people walking by on the other side on his way to 'his' neighborhood.

Pushing L too far would ruin his enjoyment, he was certain. It might even stir a pang of guilt or two from the dust at the bottom of his nonexistent conscience.

So perhaps _break_ was too strong a word. He merely wanted to fracture the other boy. That was all. Just crack L open a bit to see the hot, melting inside.

He was certain that it would be well worth it. Most people lived on the surface, but both he and L concealed their true selves deep within. L had seen some of _his_ true face, but he had yet to see L's. He planned to change that very soon.

As he turned down the street to the apartment he kept L in, he felt his mood lift slightly.

Raito licked his lips, as they were still tingling from the three glasses of scotch that he'd had. He didn't often drink, but he felt that this evening had certainly merited some alcohol to numb the tedium. He couldn't keep up the charade with Misa for much longer. It was taking up too much of his time and energy.

He found his feet ascending the stairs to the apartment, and his heart leapt within his chest in an unsettling fashion. What was going on with his mood tonight? Perhaps he ought to make a point of avoiding the alcohol.

* * *

At the sound of the door, L looked up slowly from the tedious book that Raito had allowed him for this latest abandonment, registering that the brunet had entered the apartment and turned into the kitchen. Raito was currently rummaging in the refrigerator.

"Raito, this book is awful. I would ordinarily never say this, but this book deserves to be burned. I certainly hope you brought me something home from your date to make up for this drivel."

Raito turned to face him over the bar, setting something on the counter. "Actually, Ryuuzaki, I bought you a treat yesterday, but wasn't able to give it to you then. Your behavior has been considerably better today, so I thought we might have some tea together while you had your dessert."

"You brought me sugar?" he exclaimed, leaning forward in excitement.

"I did, and they only have this particular pie available a couple times a year. Fresh buko pie. Do you want it?" Raito's eyes were gleaming subtly with suppressed emotion.

L could barely contain himself. He'd heard of buko pie, but had only ever seen it available frozen, and he was quite selective about how his dessert came to him. He always preferred them freshly made.

"Well?" the brunet prompted again, smirking just slightest bit.

"Yes, please, Raito," he replied with perfect manners, eyes wide and hopeful.

Raito turned away to make tea, but L suspected that it was, in fact, an attempt to conceal a genuine smile. Odd.

"We're going to bed right after this, Ryuuzaki. I'm exhausted, and Misa didn't help at all."

"Have you seen the members of the task force?" he asked casually, wondering if Watari had executed their emergency plan yet. Not that it would help him personally at this point, but it would greatly inconvenience Raito.

Raito shot him a dry, quelling look from over his shoulder. "Indeed. They wonder where you are, but I've assured them that you disappeared without me. There have been no further challenges yet, but I'm prepared for them."

"Raito's cute little innocent face can be _so_ convincing," he mused aloud, looking up at the ceiling as he rocked slightly on his footstool, knees drawn up to his chest.

"Oh? You think I'm cute?" Raito was smiling at him like Death.

L felt a jolt of pure panic lurch through him. "Ahh…well, you…" his words trailed off, and he stared helplessly at the other boy, not knowing what to say to draw Raito off of the scent.

"Never mind, Ryuuzaki, you know I'm just teasing you," Raito said in his best honeyed tone as he brought the tea and pie out.

L watched as the tray holding the tea and dessert was placed on the coffee table, words failing him completely. He was determined to avoid those eyes, as well. He didn't want to see their dark amber mocking him from beneath lashes more beautiful than any girl's. It was humiliating.

Raito crouched behind him to free one of his hands from the cuffs, then knelt at the coffee table. "Shall we?"

"But you're not having any dessert," L pointed out.

"Tea is all I want. Dessert is for you. You know that I don't favor sweets the way you do."

At last, he found the courage to glance at Raito's eyes. They weren't mocking, merely amused. And oddly warm, which made L immediately wary.

"How did you enjoy your date with Misa?" he asked lightly.

Raito rolled his eyes as he took a sip of this tea. "Oh, please, Ryuuzaki. You know that I can't stand her. I don't care what she says about marriage. I have no intention of marrying her, or even being with her."

L stared down into his tea, a pang of some unidentifiable feeling falling through him. "Raito is fortunate to have people that care about him like that," he murmured.

The brunet made a sound of amusement. "You wouldn't know what to do with a girl that liked you. Trust me, it's very annoying. And she'd want to touch you all the time, which you definitely wouldn't want any part of."

He tried to imagine a girl liking him or touching him and he couldn't. Not at _all_. Raito had been the only person to touch him in any way. He didn't know how to deal with that, or even what a normal reaction would be to the closeness and the hot-cold treatment that the other boy subjected him to on a regular basis.

"You're probably right," he muttered, focusing on drinking his tea in order to escape the loneliness and shame that were growing within him by the minute.

Being around someone like Raito only exacerbated it. The brunet was everything that he was not, everything that he would secretly like to be, but couldn't be. What would it be like to be wanted the way Raito was wanted by practically everyone?

It had never really bothered him before. Not before taking on this case and being immersed in human contact. They had contaminated him with their need for affection and acceptance, and now he couldn't shake it.

L almost leapt out of his skin when he felt warm fingers brush his cheek. He looked up at Raito, startled.

Those eyes met his, almost concerned. "What's wrong, Ryuuzaki? You look like you're brooding over something."

"It's nothing," he assured his captor, concealing how much Raito's sudden touch had shaken him. How did the other boy _always_ know when he was vulnerable?

"It has to be something serious to make you ignore pie," Raito pressed, frowning slightly.

"Ah…" Dammit, he was being obvious again! L immediately picked up his plate and fork and began eating his pie. "This is delicious, Raito! Thank you so much."

It truly was delicious. The pie wasn't the problem. Everything else was.

L worked determinedly at finishing his pie and tea, aware of Raito's intense eyes resting on him periodically. Something was up. Something had to be. He knew the brunet too well not to suspect something strange afoot.

After he was done, Raito collected the dishes and took them to the sink, leaving them there. "Come, Ryuuzaki, let's go to bed. I'll give you your time in the bathroom first."

The leaving of the dishes was highly unusual as well, especially since Raito was otherwise so meticulous and fastidious about everything. He was becoming concerned. "Is everything all right, Raito?" he asked tentatively. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"I have no reason to keep secrets from you," the other boy replied smoothly as he knelt to release the handcuffs.

L rose automatically, obediently following Raito into the bedroom. It had only been a few days, but he was always annoyed with himself for complying with his captor's wishes and being so obedient. True, it did earn him liberties, but still. His _principles_.

He went through his usual routine in the bathroom, noticing with surprise that the circles of exhaustion that were usually so present beneath his eyes had faded a great deal. Could it be that he actually slept better in this situation? Ridiculous. **Impossible.**

He opened the door and went to his bed, closely followed by Raito. The other cuffed him to the headboard, as usual, but left him with a lot less play in the chain, which was _not_ usual. "Raito, I don't think that I can―"

"I'll fix it in a moment, Ryuuzaki. Just let me get ready for bed." Those eyes were slightly Kira-esque again.

L sighed and relaxed against the pillow as Raito vanished into the bathroom, having nothing else to do with his hands drawn up in such an uncomfortable fashion. He honestly wasn't certain what to make of the other boy's peculiar behavior tonight. Even for Kira, it was slightly bizarre.

He was fairly relaxed when he heard the door open again. There was a long, pregnant pause, and it caused him to open his eyes, turning his head to examine Raito in the soft light of the bedside lamp. The brunet was just standing there staring, gaze fixed and glimmering like steel.

L felt the tension of anxiety constrict his throat. "What is it, Raito?"

Without answering him, his captor walked over to him slowly and stood beside the bed, just gazing down upon him.

L could barely breathe. He was rapidly becoming certain that he was suddenly expendable, and it caused a chill to course down his prone and helpless body. He didn't _want_ to die. "Raito," he whispered to those vaguely human eyes, "_please_."

The wicked, sinister smile that he loathed began to creep out, spreading over the other boy's face and transforming it into _Kira's_ face.

_I __**hate**__ you like this_, he thought vehemently, closing his eyes to shut it out.

He heard the click of the lamp being shut off, and darkness descended in the room. The soft sound of something being set on the bedside table was also audible. Raito's weight on the bed startled him, however.

L opened his eyes, trying to see something. _Anything._ But there was only the dark silhouette of his captor looming over him.

"You're mine now, aren't you?" Kira's voice slid through the darkness like a razor blade.

"Yours…?" he repeated uncertainly, wondering if Raito meant it in a triumphant way or a killing way. A sudden whiff of alcohol surprised him. "Were you _drinking_?"

"You tell me," Raito whispered, lips suddenly descending on L's and forcing them open.

He gasped in shock, twisting under Raito's weight to no avail. His mind swam as that mouth consumed his hungrily, spreading him open too personally, too **intimately**. He was horrified and terrified by it, but something deep inside of him sang and thrilled to it, having known it was coming. Somehow, it had _known_.

Something inside of him was opening its arms to something inside of Raito, to _Kira_.

_Fill me, fill me, fill this emptiness…_

L tried to reject the thought and that dirty, disgusting part of him. Raito_Kira_'s hands rose to cup his face, caressing his jaw as their lips and tongues continued to move against each other.

He kicked futilely, but he was well-pinned. One of the hands left his face to creep under his shirt, stroking confidently over his stomach and hips. L writhed, his traitorous body fluttering, catching fire and wanting to strain into those divine hands. Hands that belonged to a beautiful monster, which only seemed to increase the heat raging to break through his skin.

Raito allowed him to turn his face away finally, and he panted with embarrassing reaction and vulnerability. He could feel those eyes devouring his naked face. "Ra…Raito…this is sick and wrong, don't―"

An especially adventurous hand slid over one of his hips and slightly under the waistband of his boxers, making him cry out and buck. "What is it, L?" Raito asked in a slightly breathless voice. "Didn't you want this, want for someone to touch you?"

L made an inarticulate noise in the back of his throat, jerking his wrists against the handcuffs violently. The frustrated misery of this entire situation was lodged in his throat and wouldn't come out.

Raito leaned down. "Was I drinking?" those lips murmured against his.

He inhaled his captor's breath, choking on the ravenous feeling inside of him. Was this desire? Was this what it felt like to want someone? Was it supposed to be so violent, twisting so viscerally like a knife in his stomach?

The brunet's lips flirted with his, brushed over them again and again.

"Raito!" he gasped out, maddened and lost.

"If this is sick, then I want to be as sick as possible with you," Raito breathed darkly into his mouth before delivering another slightly bruising, open-mouthed kiss.

L felt previously unknown depths opening up within him, and the pressure was crushing him, leaving him feeling desperate and panicked. He felt the other boy's hand suddenly slip much lower and wrap around his aching desire, which he had been trying to ignore until that moment.

Raito stroked him teasingly, not permitting him to get into a rhythm. He twisted and arched helplessly, uncertain if he was trying to get away or if he was just asking for more.

Suddenly, the hands and lips withdrew, leaving him struggling for breath and burning up. "Raito?" he whispered into the darkness, feeling deprived.

"You were thinking that you wanted me to stop, weren't you? You seem so _frightened_, L." The voice was taunting, yet full and caressing. There were promises in it. Threats.

L swallowed anxiously, trying to ignore his throbbing body and the feeling of closeness that had swamped him when he was being kissed and touched by Raito. Kira. His enemy. His friend.

"That's right, Raito," he asserted in a slightly tremulous voice. "I don't like this sort of thing, even if you might go in for--"

Raito suddenly leaned in again. "Then why are you so aroused, L? Tell me that, because I was holding you in my hand, so I'm well aware of how you felt about it."

L flinched into the pillow in shame, silent. He didn't _want_ to react that way to this beautiful, monstrous and maddening person that taunted him and mocked him. He closed his eyes against the desire of his body, trying to will it away. But it seemed that once his body had realized its desire, it refused to back down. Just as Raito had said, he was painfully aroused.

"I know what you want, L," Raito murmured, hand returning to stroke his side lightly. "Why don't you tell me? I can see it in the way you look at me. Even before you knew, I knew you wanted this."

L thought that sounded like an utter lie, but he knew better than to disturb the flow of Raito's con act when it was in action.

"_Tell_ me," Raito growled, hand coasting down L's body to grip him almost painfully.

He strangled his cry of pleasure, trying to retain at least a shred of his dignity. He couldn't stand being so helpless during something like this, and with Raito, no less. But it was also sickly appealing to him, and he hated that even more. This way, he had an excuse to give in to his captor.

"There's nothing to tell," he managed to force out, challenged by the effort it took to string coherent words together when Raito was touching him so intimately.

Raito unbuttoned, unzipped and wrestled L's jeans off, then divested him of his boxers. L thought of struggling, but all he could do was lie there as if in shock as he was methodically stripped. Raito then spread L's legs apart forcefully, easing down to lie between them. Their noses touched briefly as the brunet came in for another punishing, soul-tainting kiss.

The feeling of Raito's slacks sliding over his arousal made him whimper and writhe, and he would have bitten his lip except his mouth was no longer his own. Those hips moved demandingly against his as his captor's tongue stroked his, plunging into the soft flesh of his mouth.

L had never felt so exposed and overwhelmed in his life. In fact, nothing he had ever experienced even came close to this. It made him want to run away as fast as he could, but also birthed a fierce desire to hold onto Raito as if there were no tomorrow, to dig in until he drew blood.

It was pathetic that simple sexual contact could make him feel this way. _This person is truly amazing_, L thought wryly.

Raito pulled back slightly, separating their mouths, and began to stroke L's desperate flesh with his hand again. "Come on, give it to me," the brunet crooned sweetly to him, fingers working his body expertly.

Just hearing something so scandalous from Raito's lips made him want to comply. "Why are you…doing this?" L panted hoarsely.

"Kira _likes_ you," Raito said softly into his ear, running his tongue lightly over the lobe.

He felt his heart skip a beat before it accelerated even more. The blood was rushing in his ears, and there was an unbearable gathering low in his groin, a feeling that was spreading into his stomach and drawing his entire being in.

"And you said you didn't want Kira," Raito murmured as L's body went into overdrive.

He barely heard the words, so preoccupied was he with what was happening within him, not to mention the maddening stroking of that capable, clever hand. He lost himself within it, but faintly heard the sound of low laughter in his ears as he found release, spending himself in Kira's service.

"Giving in to me isn't so bad, is it?" Raito whispered against L's heated cheek, brushing a light kiss over it in passing. Again came a click from the bedside table.

The other boy suddenly rose and went to the bathroom, leaving L to listen to the sound of running water and to contemplate the horror that had just occurred. He was mortally ashamed of himself, and disgusted. He found that he wanted very much to bathe and pretend that he had never allowed Kira to touch him that way.

L consoled himself with the fact that he was handcuffed and had not been able to get away. Any healthy young man would enjoy being stimulated in that way, even if it were by someone they despised or weren't attracted to. Any young man. In fact, he had probably held out much better than most people would have. Raito was very beautiful and skilled, despite being a mass-murderer and male.

_Anyone_ would have reacted the way he just had. Anyone.

* * *

Raito groaned into his washcloth as he stroked himself in the shower, unable to stand it any longer. _Ryuuzaki, Ryuuzaki, Ryuuzaki…_

He had never seen anything more desirable than his half-naked and helpless captive, gazing up at him with those vulnerable eyes, with desire and need. It had been so difficult to restrain himself, to keep from going all the way right then. He had wanted to so badly. **So** badly. To just lose himself in L's body, to spread him wide open and drive his need into him over and over, to make the detective scream and cry. Oh, **god**, he wanted it more than anything.

Even more than a pure world. Utter blasphemy for anyone aspiring to be a god.

And the **noises** the detective had made for him. GOD. He had almost lost it half a dozen times listening to those arousing, sensual noises as he touched that pale body. Raito closed his eyes tightly, clenching his teeth and breathing hard as his orgasm snapped through him with surprising savagery.

He shuddered violently against the bathroom wall, riding it out as he curled in on himself. He had never wanted anyone this badly. _Never. _How had he not seen it for what it was, that desire to imprison, control and manipulate the detective? The desire to keep L alive, no matter how dangerous it was.

Would he ruin his plans with this insane lust? This demented lust that climbed up his spine with steel hooks and took over his supposedly brilliant mind with the overriding need to bring his flesh into contact with Ryuuzaki's in the most intimate ways possible.

Raito straightened and rinsed himself off. He still had to clean L up.

And he knew that L would not ever suspect that he had told the truth when he said he liked him. Obviously he must, otherwise he would not have been the victim of this wild lust.

**No more alcohol.**

But at least he now had a way out of the Watari issue.


	4. Caged

**A/N: Yay, more Light X L! Sorry for the long delay! I sincerely appreciate all of the wonderful reviews! Thank you for your support. Those of you who would like to offer criticism, please be more specific about the things that you think need correction. :) Here we go!**

* * *

"Ryuuzaki, will you have croissants for breakfast?" Raito asked from the kitchen.

L nodded mutely from his perch on the footrest, unable to meet Raito's eyes. Ever since waking up this morning, he had been utterly incapable of looking the other boy in the eye. Or even the face.

The things that Raito had done to him didn't bear thinking upon. But think upon them he _had_, almost constantly since last night. He fervently wished that he had the privacy in which to freak out.

But he did not have that luxury at the moment. So he simply sat staring at the floor, his chin tucked into his upraised knees.

_Raito's hands. __**Delete.**__ Raito's lips. __**Delete.**__ Raito's dark and taunting laughter. __**Deletedeletedeletedeletedeletedeletedelete!**_

"..zaki? Ryuuzaki!"

Raito's impatient tone broke through his barely contained panic, and he reached out to take the plate of croissants that was being jabbed at him. "Sorry," he muttered, barely noticing the coffee that the other boy set down on the coffee table next to him.

The brunet's scent was overwhelming him. Raito had not straightened from placing the coffee, but remained leaning over. He could feel that penetrating gaze trying to pry his brain apart.

"Ryuuzaki, what's the matter?" The concerned tone of the question only made it worse.

"Raito, please," he choked, turning his head away. After a moment, he heard his captor straighten, felt the sanity-numbing focus upon his person ease up.

"I don't know what's wrong with you today. Perhaps I should just leave early. I won't be back for quite some time, as I have dinner at my family's house this evening." Raito sounded waspish.

"Fine," he murmured, not rising to the bait.

"But first, I need your assistance, and you're going to give it to me."

L raised his head at the arrogant tone, finally glancing at the other boy grudgingly. Raito's expression was indeed arrogant and assessing. "And why would I do that?" he grumbled rebelliously.

"Because you'll _always_ give me what I want, L." That smirk implied levels of meaning.

He looked away again, face burning with humiliation. No matter how he tried, the images from last night kept pouring over him, tearing his pride and self-respect down piece by piece.

"If you thought that I wouldn't realize that you had a contingency plan set up with Watari in the event of your disappearance, you're wrong. We're going to record you saying that everything is fine and to abandon that plan until further notice. You're going to tell him that you're going underground for a while on a hot lead, and not to look for you."

L stared even harder at the floor, biting down on this thumb aggressively. "Again, Raito, there is no reason for me to feel compelled to assist you."

"Oh, but there _is_." The brunet's voice sounded smug, self-satisfied. "I will release _this_ to the internet and to all major news networks if you don't make that recording for me."

As L lifted his head and turned to look at what 'this' might be, he heard his own voice gasping out of the small recorder held in the other boy's hand. He stared in horror.

_"I don't like this sort of thing, even if you might go in for--"_

_"Then why are you so aroused, L? Tell me that, because I was holding you in my hand, so I'm well aware of how you feel about it."_

Raito pressed another button, fast forwarding for a moment before pressing play again.

_"Ah! Please…!"_

_"And you said you didn't want Kira."_

_"Ah…nn!" Heavy gasping._

Raito pressed the stop button and smiled sincerely at L. "You see? The entire world would know that the great L gave it up to another boy. It would be simple to distort the sound of my name and my voice and release this as L with Kira, wouldn't it? And even if everyone wasn't convinced, it would still greatly damage your reputation. So shouldn't you just make the recording telling Watari to stand down?"

L buried his face against his knees. He didn't want to _live_ like this. And the worst of it was that he now suspected that he had actually always liked the brunet, had always wanted him. But like this…and yet, would it have ever happened otherwise?

He didn't care. He despised it, he didn't want it.

"Come on, Ryuuzaki," his captor crooned, sounding closer. "Do this for me – in return for my care of you."

L glared up at the other boy as he approached. "You're sick."

"If this is sick, then I want to be as sick as possible with you," Raito repeated, gaze darkening.

He tensed as the recorder was lowered to his face, a few inches away from his lips, and tried to push away the images that came with Raito's repeated words from last night. Was he truly going to do this? Help this charming, mass-murdering rapist escape capture?

But did he really want that recording out on the internet?

Finally, he nodded jerkily and Raito pressed the record button. "Watari, it's…L. I'm placing the emergency plan on indefinite hold. I'm fine, but I'm going to have to remain out of contact. I think I'm close to capturing Kira, and I can't jeopardize that by trying to make regular communications. I'll let you know when I have something." He deeply wished now that he had gone over an innocuous phrase to use that would indicate duress or a hostile situation, thus negating his assurance that all was well.

But he had never arranged anything of the sort because he had always been so secure in the notion that he would never be under duress, that no one would manage to capture him with all of his security and the many other precautions he had always observed. He had been arrogant.

He hadn't counted on someone like Raito.

Raito stopped the recorder and lightly stroked the back of L's neck, making him flinch and shudder. The hand on his neck paused, then clenched, securing him.

His captor leaned down until their faces were too close. "Don't tell me that you don't enjoy my touch, Ryuuzaki. I know better." Raito brushed a gentle kiss over L's lips, the tenderness belying the violence that the other boy was capable of.

A shiver and a yearning went through him from the slight contact of their lips and the pressure of those fingers clamped at the base of his neck. He pulled away, disturbed, and Raito allowed it.

The other boy straightened, gazing down upon him with the smile of a conqueror. "Be good, Ryuuzaki."

L didn't answer, staring at the wall as Raito left. He only allowed himself to relax when he heard the locks slide home. He brought his hand up to his mouth immediately, biting down on his thumb again to tear his thoughts away from the brunet's perfect form.

_He __**is**__ like a god to me, if I could ever believe in such a thing. His clever mind, the way he speaks, the way he moves…and the incredible beauty of him on every level. To have Raito's attention like that was terrifying…and intoxicating._

"It's _that_ type of thinking!" he snapped out loud, shutting his eyes tightly. "I am _letting_ him do this to me because I'm too weak!" He felt the vague burn of tears behind his eyelids and refused them. The greatest detective in the world was **not** going to be brought to this simply because he was backed into a corner by his quarry.

He would find a way.

* * *

Raito was so content that he could almost allow himself to hum. Not that he _would_, of course, but the feeling was there, bubbling in his throat.

His first stop was the bank, of course, where he was about to ensure that Watari would cease and desist all pursuit and execution of whatever contingency plan L had established previously.

He sat down in the chair provided in the private room and opened his safe deposit box once again. Removing L's phone and opening it, he scrolled through the contacts until he found Watari's number. At this time of day, the man would likely be working with the task force and be unable to answer the call. Presumably. But just in case, he would record it onto L's phone and send it as a voice message rather than risk a direct call.

Raito sighed at the inconvenience. He didn't feel comfortable doing it at the bank. He would have to leave the building with both phones and then return shortly thereafter to return them. How troublesome. But what was necessary was necessary, and he had never been one to shirk.

After that was taken care of, L was all his. He would have to stop in over at headquarters just to make his usual appearance to prevent any suspicion against him, and then he'd have to go and check on his other apartment.

After that, he would go and be the dutiful and innocent son, perfect in every way.

To think...L was paying him very well to do this to him...or rather, to be on the task force. But it amounted to the same thing.

_You've always wanted this,_ he thought at L, smiling. _But I __**am**__ entertained by your token resistance._

He slipped both phones into the pockets of his slacks, one on either side so as to be less obvious, and closed the safe deposit box, preparing to leave.

Overall, today would be pleasant. If he tried, he would be able to leave his family's house in a timely fashion and spend some time with L before the end of the day. Even though he had just left the detective a short while ago, he was already looking forward to seeing him again.

* * *

L was trying to shrug the stiffness out of his shoulder when he heard the front door being unlocked. Raito was home. A surge of delighted dread went through him.

He picked up his book from the coffee table quickly, pretending to read as the door opened. "Raito's books leave something to be desired," he remarked to the brunet, who was just then walking into the kitchen.

"Hmm," Raito responded, checking his watch as he took a couple of bottled waters from the refrigerator. "You must be hungry, Ryuuzaki. I brought home some leftovers, so I'll heat something up for you right now."

L blinked.

The other boy rounded the corner and came towards him, offering one of the bottles and setting the other down on a coaster on the coffee table. Without pausing, Raito slipped the key to the handcuffs from his mouth and bent over L, unlocking the remaining cuff.

L stared.

Raito took the handcuffs and slipped the key back into his mouth before heading back into the kitchen to use the microwave.

He stared down at his completely unfettered hands, shocked. It wasn't like the brunet to give up control, not at all. He had never known him to do so unless it was part of a...plan. Part of a plan? But what plan could that possibly be? He was already trapped here. Was it to make him overconfident? But to what purpose?

His captor returned, bearing a plate of rice, fish and vegetables. L recoiled. "Ugh."

The reaction earned him a stern glance from Raito. "Ryuuzaki, you need to eat a balanced meal _sometimes_. You're going to eat this."

L stared down at what he was being offered, analyzing the contents of the plate again with evident disgust.

"Eat it or wear it," the other boy threatened, burnt amber eyes warning him to cease all resistance.

L sighed and took the plate, picking up the chopsticks that rested on the side. If this was his penance for having both hands free, so be it. He began picking determinedly. Nothing was worse than an angry Raito, not even a balanced, sugar-free meal.

Raito went into the other room with the handcuffs, taking off his shirt as he went.

He was forced to pause with the chopsticks halfway to his mouth as he caught a glimpse of the brunet's back and side before his view was cut off. He berated himself silently. So what? It was skin. They were boys. Being shirtless wasn't momentous. Besides, why should he care? He wouldn't have cared even had Raito been a girl.

L resumed eating impatiently, annoyed with himself for the way his mind refused to stop fixating on what Raito was doing in the other room.

Raito walked back in wearing a white terry bathrobe, perfect hair slightly disheveled. The lines of his throat and collarbones were revealed by its gape, as well as the beginning of a smooth, well-shaped chest.

_**EATING,**_he thought forcefully, continuing with an effort.

His captor collected his own bottled water from the bar and began sipping at it, regarding L calmly the entire time.

"I can't eat when I'm being watched, Raito," L complained.

The other boy paused in his drinking to answer. "Why not? You can do other things while you're being watched. What's eating compared to that?" _Smirk._

He turned multiple shades of deep red and refused to answer, doggedly finishing his meal. If this was going to be his companion's mood for the evening, he didn't want any part of it.

Raito set the water down, then took L's empty plate from him and went to the kitchen with it, washing it and putting it in the rack to dry, as was the usual routine.

That was reassuring, at least. It was when the other boy deviated that he _truly_ had to worry.

"Come, Ryuuzaki. It's time for bed." Kira was peering out from behind Raito's eyes again. It was also in the sheer, unadulterated arrogance, the commanding tilt of that lovely head.

"So how did things go at headquarters? Does everyone believe that I've gone underground?" His tone was slightly challenging.

"Yes, they all believe it. No one is concerned, not even Watari. He came by today and informed all of us of the message you'd left, and that we would just have to continue on our own for a while. No one is looking for you, _L_." Raito was sneering at him now, not even bothering to disguise it.

He gave the killer his most deadpan stare in return. "You're not a very nice friend, Raito. In fact, I don't think that I like you very much."

"Is that so?" the other boy breathed menacingly, shifting his weight slowly from one leg to the other, his hand on his hip. "Then you won't mind if I just _order_ you to bed. I think I'm done enduring you for tonight."

L felt faintly offended and hurt, despite the fact that he had just insulted Raito and had only received the inevitable response.

He rose to his feet, uncertain of how far he should push the brunet - but willing to test his boundaries. "What if I say no?"

Raito shot him a dark look. "Then we'll just have to fight it out, won't we? You're going where I say you're going, and that's final. It's just a matter of whether you go willingly or not."

Not worth it. "Fine, Raito, I'll go to bed."

"You get the bathroom first," his captor said firmly.

"All right," he responded uncertainly, turning to head into the bathroom. He was aware of Raito close behind him. What was with the other boy tonight? Despite the relatively normal behavior, L felt disturbed by the presence of Kira.

Instead of allowing him to close the bathroom door behind him, Raito pushed in right behind him, crowding him and herding him forward.

"What are you – Raito! I thought I was going to –" he broke off as he was pushed roughly towards the shower stall.

"Get in," his captor ordered coldly.

L was forced to comply in the interest of not cracking his head open on the tile. He didn't think that Raito was above hurting him to attain the desired result. "If you wanted me to take a shower so badly―" he began in exasperation.

Raito suddenly grabbed the hem of L's shirt and dragged it up over his head, dropping it on the floor. The other boy was unbearably close to him, and the robe had slipped off of one shoulder in an effect that was startlingly appealing.

He was so intrigued by the naked shoulder before him that he was startled when he felt handcuffs close over his wrists. L jerked in surprise, looking down. He was handcuffed to the usual rail, but this time neither hand had been left free. Had the handcuffs already been there, or had Raito pulled them out of his robe pocket while L was distracted? He was definitely slipping if he couldn't say which it had been.

He turned back to Raito to gaze down at him questioningly. "Raito, what's with all of the…the…" he trailed off as he realized that his captor was ignoring him in favor of getting his jeans unbuttoned and off of his hips.

There was a growing feeling of dread-excitement in the pit of his stomach. Perhaps it wasn't only a shower that Raito wanted from him. Maybe…his captor wanted to touch him again? His eyes slid closed against his will, and he forced them open again. He must _not_ give in.

Raito chuckled softly, darkly, slipping L's underwear off as well. "You see, Ryuuzaki?" the brunet murmured, gazing down at his body.

Reluctantly, he looked down at himself. It was obvious that he was at least slightly aroused. Humiliation and shame sizzled up the back of his throat, making it clench.

"That's just perfect," Raito whispered, untying his robe and allowing it to fall amongst their other clothing.

L stared silently. Raito was definitely aroused, and there was no doubt about it. "R-raito…"

"Yes," the other boy whispered, pressing close to him. Those lips were hunting his.

He turned his head sullenly, trying not to become involved any further. Not that resisting would matter – this was Kira, after all, his friend, and both were very determined people.

A hand clenched forcefully in L's hair to keep his head still and Raito's lips found his, forcing his mouth open, cutting lips on teeth with the roughness of it. He thought of biting, but thought again when he considered how _that_ match would go when he didn't even have a hand free.

A hand stroking over his left hip and lower stomach made him flinch back, but he was pinned between the wall and the beautiful boy in front of him – and the handcuffs weren't about to disappear.

Raito's arousal was rubbing against his, driving him wild, and that demanding mouth stole L's strength from him. Without warning, hands on his shoulders forced him down on his knees before the other boy. Those same hands then pressed him closer, lightly combing through his hair.

He couldn't help but be painfully aware of where that put his face in regard to the evidence of Raito's arousal. A moment later, its silken heat was pressed against his cheek.

"Ryuuzaki…" the brunet growled, hands urging him silently.

Raito wanted him to actually…._actually_…??

* * *

"Shouldn't Misa be doing this for you?" Ryuuzaki said suddenly, an edge to his voice.

Raito looked down, surprised at the nerve of the detective. Those dark eyes were narrow with resistance, but the pale cheeks were flushed and his captive's body had definitely defected to _his_ side.

"Misa is boring," he replied coldly. He tenderly stroked the dark-haired boy's cheeks. "Come on, just a little," Raito murmured, gently rolling his hips against Ryuuzaki's face.

_I want into that obnoxious little mouth, _he thought fiercely. He would use force if the other boy made him resort to it.

"No," the detective said shortly, glaring up at him.

"This can be as easy or as difficult as you'd like," Raito said with faux sweetness, smile curdling with cruelty.

Had Ryuuzaki just flinched slightly?

"Kira likes it when you resist," he whispered, pushing it further. The negative reaction was immediate in the tightening of the skin around the other boy's eyes, the thinning of those lips. But would that work for him or against him?

Silence. Ryuuzaki's eyes had closed, brows slightly knitted with what looked like pain or unhappiness.

He took the opportunity to position himself, pressing slightly forward between Ryuuzaki's lips.

The other boy made a dismayed sound, trying to back away, but there was nowhere to go. Wide, dark eyes looked up at him with frantic, betrayed anger. Meeting that gaze calmly, he pushed a little further into that mouth. Waited. The ambient heat was driving him insane, and the tightness of the lips around him was torturous. If only L would _just_…god. He wanted to let go and do this properly and thoroughly, but his captive wouldn't _let_ him.

He felt a moment of rage and frustration at being denied, but he had to be slightly patient if he wanted to take L apart from the inside. It had to be done…just like this.

"Come on, Ryuu…" he entreated, stroking the other boy's face again. "You're the only one I can do this with." He pushed further, and he felt his arousal brush across Ryuuzaki's tongue. He gasped, closing his eyes tightly for a moment as his hands clenched in dark hair.

When he recovered himself, he opened his eyes and looked down. Dark eyes were watching him with wariness and surprise. Did the detective think that he was immune to this sort of thing?

Raito drew back slightly and pushed in again, once more feeling that tongue as his sensitive skin moved across it. He clenched his jaw against the pleasure and repeated the movement against L's sounds of protest around his hard heat.

"It's easier if you just…_take_ it, Ryuuzaki…_ngh_…" His breathing was elevated and he was losing control of himself, unable to remain calm and gloating with this distraction.

The resistance around him slowly eased, and he was able to gain true access to the wet warmth of Ryuuzaki's mouth. It was letting him in now, no longer rejecting him.

Raito looked down again and found that the dark-haired boy's eyes were shut, and the tormented expression was back on his pale face. Those fists were clenched over his head where the handcuffs restrained them, and L was making soft little noises of…grief? Pleasure? He couldn't tell.

He continued to stroke L's face and cheeks in rhythm with his thrusts, whispering, "Take it, take me in," over and over between his own moans and gasps.

It wasn't long before he wasn't able to hold back any longer. Just seeing himself being enveloped in that defiant, clever mouth was painfully pleasurable. And the faint, independent flicks of L's tongue warily and discreetly tasting him were unbearable and quite enough to make him want to do this all night.

"Ryuu…_zaki_…ah…I'm going…_going to_―" Raito clenched his fists in the other boy's hair, forcing the detective to continue pleasuring him without moving as his pace quickened and he released his heat and passion into that waiting mouth. He shuddered violently, biting the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. His knees were trembling, and only his impressive will kept him on his feet.

_You __**want**__ this. You want it __**just**__ like this, L. I know you._

Ryuuzaki made a faint choking noise and swallowed, not trying to resist anymore. Raito stayed where he was for long moments, gazing down at that face and the mouth that still held him in its sweet, soft humidity. He felt…warm inside.

Those eyes didn't open, and the pained expression didn't change, although L was trembling slightly, fingers twitching from time to time.

Raito slowly pulled out of Ryuuzaki's mouth and knelt, gently wiping the other boy's lips as his captive sagged. "You swallowed me just like you were supposed to. I'm very pleased."

Dark eyes opened slowly, faint and flickering as they gazed into his. Was that…despair? Shame? Surely something as small as this wasn't enough to defeat the indomitable L. He pressed a tender kiss to those lips once, twice. "You're beautiful," he said almost sweetly. "Did you know that?"

Ryuuzaki's eyes widened slightly, looking more alert than they had a moment before.

Raito traced a line down the detective's stomach. "Yes, you are. I'm certain that no one has ever said so. But there you have it. Instead…they look at people like _me_ and say that, but they have no idea."

He reached out for the nearest bottle and squeezed some shampoo into his hand. Setting it aside, he reached out for that helpless body, his lips flirting with those of the dark-haired boy.

"No," Ryuuzaki breathed, trying to twist away.

"Why are you bothering to protest this? I'm just making sure you're comfortable." He smiled reassuringly.

Those dark eyes locked on his, looking haunted and tormented. "No more," his captive pled.

Raito sighed, hanging his head. "You're being absurd. Just relax." He trailed his fingers up the other boy's length, allowing the shampoo to run down his fingers and ooze its way onto Ryuuzaki's skin.

L gasped, twisting futilely against the handcuffs as his back arched. He moaned as Raito's fingers crept around him, tightening and sliding with a ruinous confidence.

Raito smiled, trying to suppress the wide grin that his friend hated. But _this_…this was what he had always wanted from his life. He had simply never known it before now, yet had always been searching. Somehow, it was in Ryuuzaki's harsh breaths, that damp skin, those spread legs. Ryuuzaki, L…made life truly worthwhile and entertaining, ultimately. Nothing else could hold his attention in this way.

He leaned in and penetrated L's mouth with insistent, patient thrusts of his tongue, and another gasp let him in. Raito cornered the detective in his own mouth, pushing, dominating, gently violating…as his hands worked skillfully between them.

The dark-haired boy was trembling hard now, no longer bothering to open his eyes and keep tabs on Raito. No, his captive was plainly lost in pleasure.

He broke their kiss, leaning in until his lips could caress the other boy's ear. "Do you like how I taste, Ryuuzaki? I love…your mouth. It's treacherous. Also, I like the way you feel in my hands. You're so excited. You want this so much. Why do you always struggle?"

A couple of inarticulate noises were his only response.

"Come on, I want you to lose control for me," he murmured into Ryuuzaki's ear, one hand sliding around to caress the other boy's backside.

L's breath caught in response to the new stimulus, so Raito continued with it, fondling and squeezing. His captive shuddered and jerked in response, leaning into his shoulder.

The other boy cried out loudly in release and bit the side of Raito's neck, startling him with the abruptness of it, not to mention the biting itself.

He drew back slightly, cupping Ryuuzaki's face with sticky hands. His companion seemed to be ignoring him in favor of catching his breath, eyes remaining closed, so Raito leaned in to feather kisses over that pale face, dropping them indiscriminately. Mouth, nose, cheeks, eyelids.

Strange how soft that skin was, how it reminded him of cream or milk. He wanted to taste it, run his tongue over it – but he restricted himself to kisses.

L's eyes opened to regard him, some unnameable quality or emotion lurking in their darkness. The look made him pause. The moment stretched out.

Discomfited by the peculiar quality of that gaze, Raito bent his attention on carefully collected the clothing that pooled around them, leaning to put it safely on top of the toilet seat.

He rose and pulled the curtain closed, then turned the shower on warm and rinsed them both off. L was like a doll the entire time, moving when moved, but largely unresponsive. Those large, dark eyes were now staring vacantly at the bottom of the shower stall, barely even blinking.

Raito felt a twinge of worry, but dismissed it. He was doing this correctly. L was tougher than he seemed. There was no other way to break the other boy to his will.

He finished and turned off the water, then removed the handcuff key from his bathrobe pocket and released L. "Come on, Ryuuzaki, time for bed."

The detective responded numbly, rising and going to the sink. They both brushed their teeth, and then L allowed himself to be led to Raito's bed.

"No handcuffs this time, but you're going to stay with me." He expected some token resistance, but there was none at all. Ryuuzaki climbed into bed obediently.

Raito wedged the handcuff key under the mattress and slid in beside him, wrapping his arms about his friend and pulling him close. "There, Ryuu, we'll be lovers tonight. That makes your earlier concessions entirely acceptable, don't you think?"

Only soft breathing answered him. He pressed a kiss to Ryuuzaki's forehead. "Don't hate me," he murmured, already falling into sleep.

* * *

L felt his throat tighten, felt himself close to panic. It was unbearably intimate to be forced to lay in the same bed as the other boy, pressed against Raito's naked body.

_Hate you? __**Hate**__ you?? How could I hate you when you give me what I want and then make it my fault?_

He could still feel the sliding, sheathed fire of Raito between his lips and in his mouth, and every moment was burned into his mind. He could never seem to forget about these things once they had happened, but instead had to endure their replay over and over.

And the shame, the humiliation burning in his stomach. It made him feel physically ill. He had given in, he had given Raito his mouth, taken the brunet's essence into his body without even thinking about it. _Instinctually_.

The shame spiked more sharply when he recalled how his captor's moans and reactions had increased his own arousal tenfold. He had begun to…begun to _seek_ those responses with slight reactions of his own, movements of his tongue.

Then, to make things even worse, Raito had considerately seen to L's pleasure – but he didn't _want_ the other boy to see his responses, his excitement when he was touched by the one person he should feel only disgust for.

But he had been touched, smirked over, probed and explored all the same. This time had been worse than last time. This time he had wanted to scream when those hands had taken him, when those evil lips had murmured sweetly blasphemous things into his ear as he was losing himself.

_Yes, I __**do**__ like the taste of the devil,_ he thought, burning with self-loathing.

And he received a sick and irrational comfort from being held in the devil's arms tonight.


	5. Consumed

**A/N: Ahahaa, at last! This chapter gets a non-con warning. Loving the reviews! I actually want to reply to some of them... :D**

* * *

Raito blinked awake quickly, as he usually did. But something was different.

His eyes focused on the curve of a pale shoulder, the back of a dark head. One of his arms was folded, trapped between his chest and L's back, and the other was casually draped over his captive's bare hip.

He closed his eyes for a moment as a thrill rushed through him, tasting again his pleasure from last night. He had never felt so intensely, never felt so alive. None of his girlfriends had ever made him feel anything close to that, despite their intense desire to please him. No, he had always been..._bored_ with it all.

It was a very good thing that he hadn't killed L out of hand before trying out his kidnapping idea. This...this was the best. His own secret game that the other boy played along with so perfectly.

Raito opened his eyes again, examining the vulnerable curve of Ryuuzaki's neck. The detective truly seemed to be asleep, so he leaned forward and began kissing that exposed skin, gently drawing it into his mouth to taste and lightly bite.

L jerked awake with a gasp, but froze after doing so. "Don't...do that," the other boy said in a flat, quiet voice.

He laughed softly, letting his fingers play over Ryuuzaki's hip. It made his captive flinch. Raito smirked widely, enjoying the discomfort he was causing. "But Ryuuzaki, you were able to sleep without handcuffs last night. Wasn't that much more comfortable?"

The other boy remained sullenly silent, curling slightly away from the heat of Raito's body.

Which was just as well, as he found that he was becoming aroused just by being pressed against L's naked warmth. He slid out of bed, retrieving the key to the handcuffs from under the mattress where he had stashed it last night.

"I'm going to have to be gone for a long time today, Ryuuzaki, so I'm going to lock you in this room instead of cuffing you in the living room. You'll be free to move around in here."

"Thank you," L responded woodenly, not moving.

Raito found that his gaze kept being drawn to the detective's body where it lay amongst the tangled sheets. So white, so fragile. He wanted to consume it, fight his way inside of it, make it accept him as a part of it, however temporarily. His fingers wanted to trace that spine, wanted to bite into any soft place they could find.

He wanted to make L cry as much as any of those things.

Raito turned away with a will. "Is this how you're going to be today?" he asked the silent room, allowing his tone to express disappointment and disdain.

* * *

L felt the urge to turn over and glare at Raito, but restrained himself. "You don't care if I hate you or not," L heard himself snap, sounding angry.

There was a long silence from Raito, and he began to think that he had angered the other boy, that he had said something wrong again. But then his captor came around the end of the bed, crossing into his line of sight. He was confronted with the brunet's beautiful and perfect body once again, and his appreciation of it filled him with a fresh ocean of shame.

"Ryuuzaki, of _course_ I care. After all, it'd be very tedious if you hated me." Raito was smiling, and a faint sickness laced the edges of it.

L averted his eyes to keep from staring – and to prevent the rise of nausea that the smile was causing in him. "It's difficult not to hate someone who imprisons and rapes you."

"Rape is such a _strong_ word. I haven't done anything that you didn't want, and we both know it. I certainly haven't raped you yet – and I have no intention of doing so." Raito's voice was calm and cool, but far from reassuring.

The 'yet' made his stomach lurch sickeningly. _He __**wouldn't**_._ It's just another psychological game, a provocation. _"If I _had_ wanted it, I would have asked. I certainly wouldn't have said 'no, stop' if I had somehow desired such a thing." L tried to keep his tone level and inflectionless, but it was difficult with his feelings being so tumultuous. He had already given the other boy too much to work with.

Raito spread his well-shaped hands. "Why are your words never truthful, Ryuuzaki?" The brunet sighed. "I can see you're going to continue being unpleasant, so I'm going to leave shortly. I'm hoping that you'll be in a better temper when I return." His captor turned away, going to the closet.

He thought a fierce spate of obscenities at Raito's back, extremely disturbed by his insistent desire to look at the other boy's body. Perhaps he was suffering from some form of Stockholm Syndrome. Once he escaped, he would only see Kira as Kira, not as an attractive person. It was the conditions he was being forced to endure, the fear of death and punishment.

That was all it was.

L turned his face into the pillow.

* * *

Raito sighed in disgust as he tapped away at the keyboard before him, pretending to be utterly absorbed although he was in fact quite aware of the other task force members.

He didn't want to be sitting at headquarters, wasting his time chasing the shadow of himself. He would much rather be playing with L...whom he was supposed to be clueless about, just like the other members.

He had gone to the bank first this morning to check the cell phone messages. L hadn't had any at all, which wasn't surprising, but _he_ had been forced to listen to messages for five minutes straight. Misa was lonely and bored and wondered where he had been, and his mother was begging him to spend more time with the family and to help his sister with her homework and her behavior.

Aside from having to do something about those two things, he also had to waste his time here at headquarters and then go back to his actual apartment to water the plants, throw some clothes around and do something with the leftovers from the other night. Perhaps he should even pick up some more groceries just to insure that his refrigerator didn't look so suspiciously empty.

"Yagami-kun?"

He snapped out of his reverie to find Matsuda standing beside him, looking concerned. "Yagami-kun, I think you've been working too hard. You come here and work the case, and then you go home and work on it some more. You look tired. I think you're taking this too hard."

Raito sighed and looked up at Matsuda's puppy face, his own filled with concern. "But with L going it alone, we have to pick up the slack and reinforce his work. It's dangerous, Matsuda-san, and the sooner we catch Kira, the safer it is for L. Don't you miss him? To tell you the truth, I feel a little...a little _lost_ without him."

Matsuda's eyes widened, a slight blush tinging his cheeks. "Yeah, well, you and L are really...on the same wavelength Yagami-kun, right? Two of a kind." Matsuda paused, then rushed ahead. "Except you're a lot cooler, of course – well, not that L isn't cool, too, but you're cool in the popular guy sort of way."

He found it difficult to keep from laughing. "You're right, Matsuda-san. I think that I could call him my best friend." Raito added some soulfulness to his gaze.

Matsuda's blush darkened and he looked the slightest bit disappointed. "Yeah, of course. It's exactly like that. I'm sure you'll be really...happy when he comes back. No one can stand in for L."

What the...? Raito nodded dismissively and returned his attention, but internally he was slightly disgusted. Did Matsuda _like_ him or something? He would definitely have to work the best friends with L angle to keep Matsuda from even entertaining the _thought_.

He kept discreetly glancing at his watch. 4 hours since he had arrived. Long enough. He closed all of his programs and rose, stretching. "Well, I'd better get going."

No one paid any mind as he turned and headed for the door. Instead, they continued to diligently search for any trace of him, little realizing that Kira was in their midst. _Fools._

He became aware of Ryuk drifting along behind him as he walked down the hall and felt irritation cut across his nerves. He had clearly told the shinigami to leave him completely alone during this operation. It only figured that the creature couldn't follow his orders for more than a few days.

Raito maintained his silence until he was out on the street. When no one was close enough to hear him, he said in an undertone, "What is it, Ryuk?"

Ryuk moved up to drift beside him, dead-fish eyes fixed on his person. "How long is this 'operation' going to take, Raito? I'm so _bored_. I thought you were supposed to be interesting, but you haven't even been using the Death Note lately."

"Yes, _well_," he replied waspishly. "These things take _time_. I should think being in the realm of the dead would give you greater patience. You're starting to sound like Misa."

"That's where you'd be wrong. Shinigami have _less_ patience because we have to wait so long. Speaking of Misa, Rem is tired of waiting, too. When are you going to kill that detective?" Ryuk was silent for moment. "I'll never understand humans," the shinigami concluded in a disgruntled tone.

"I'll finish him when I'm ready!" Raito hissed, feeling a surge of resentful hatred towards Ryuk and Rem.

"Rem is harder to convince than I am," Ryuk said pointedly.

"She said she would be happy so long as I kept Misa happy, so there shouldn't be an issue with her." Raito was feeling distinctly pressured today. The pressure had been building ever since he'd kidnapped L, as a matter of fact.

"But you're not spending a lot of time with Misa," the shinigami observed.

"Would _you? _God. You things are going to be the death of me."

"Yes, we are," Ryuk assured him, grinning like a piranha. "At least, _I_ might be."

"_Great_ , that's just fine," he replied bitterly, annoyed. He would have to find a way to out of his deal with the shinigami. He had no intention of dying in such a pointless fashion. "Now leave me alone. Go and tell Rem that I have," he glanced at his watch, "an hour to spend with Misa, but then I have to go and help Sayu with...life? As if I don't have my hands full with my own."

Ryuk laughed in his disturbing fashion. "Yeah, Raito is the _perfect_ role-model."

He glared at the shinigami, but it was already moving away from him. "Why can't this day be over yet?" he muttered under his breath.

Raito slammed the apartment door closed behind him, grateful to be home at last. As he carefully removed his shoes and aligned them against the wall, it struck him as vaguely ironic that his false home with Ryuuzaki had come to feel more like a real home than his own apartment or his family's house had ever been.

At least he no longer needed to have the key to the handcuffs in his mouth at all times. The metallic taste of it displeased him greatly, not to mention that it wasn't perfectly sanitary. He hoped that he would eventually be able to trust Ryuuzaki to roam the entire apartment without the need for handcuffs.

Raito made a face at the torn linoleum of the foyer, but dismissed it as an inconsequential annoyance as he made his way to the bedroom door, eager to see what L was up to. He unlocked the door as quietly as possible and slipped his keys back into his pocket, easing the door open.

L was sitting up in bed, a book in his hand, but his gaze was fixed on Raito. "You're home rather late," the detective observed calmly. But there were lines of tension around the other boy's eyes.

_Your poker face does you no good with me, L,_ Raito thought smugly. But the thought that his friend might not want him to be here displeased him. Time for a change in tactics.

He sat down on the other bed with a dejected sigh, staring at the floor. "You don't want me here. I suppose I could go back to Misa's place. She _did_ ask me to stay, but...I thought you'd be lonely."

Ryuuzaki made a disdainful sound. "Raito, I know that you did not return here for _my_ benefit. You've already said that you find Misa boring."

Raito resisted the urge to snarl or scowl at his captive. This would be more challenging than he had presumed. "I had assumed that you might miss me a little," he replied acerbically. "Foolish of me, I'm sure."

There was a long, motionless pause from the figure on the other bed. Assessing. Analyzing.

_Fuck you and your rationality_ , he thought fiercely, surprising himself. The contained, aloof and controlled Ryuuzaki always antagonized him. He wanted to tear all of that apart to find the boy that trembled against him.

"I have become accustomed to your presence," Ryuuzaki conceded.

"Sometimes I desperately hate you," Raito said coolly, raising his eyes to glare at the dark-haired boy.

Those wide, dark eyes stared blankly back at him, but he saw the toes curl slowly in discomfort. "Then why don't you kill me already? Or is there some reason that Raito-kun abstains?"

_You dare to __**taunt**__ me!_ he raged internally, leaping to his feet to loom over the other boy menacingly. He grabbed the front of Ryuuzaki's sweatshirt in one fist, dragging the detective up towards him. "Maybe I _should_ kill you, as worthless and annoying as you are!" he snarled into that face.

Something in his captive's eyes shuttered, turned away from him. "You will do whatever you like, Raito..._kun_." That void gaze wandered across the room, fixing on the wall intently.

Raito drew back his hand and slapped Ryuuzaki across the face with measured force, intending to hurt but not damage.

Instead of being chastised, the other boy gave him a slight, maddening smirk, eyes returning to meet his. "You're so predictable, Yagami-kun."

Fresh rage fountained in him. _He is __**deliberately**__ provoking me, trying to enrage me past all reason. For what purpose? _"You have a death wish, don't you, L? Well, I'll not oblige you. But I can do something _else_."

Anxiety suddenly undermined Ryuuzaki's resigned expression, breaking it apart. "I won't let you!" his friend snapped, pushing hard at Raito's chest and trying to pull away at the same time.

Raito laughed, catching those evasive hands in his. "What are _you_ thinking? I only want to _talk_ to you, Ryuuzaki. I'm going to bore you with an account of my day. If this is what a little freedom does to you, perhaps I should take to cuffing you again."

Suspicion took up residence in the dark eyes that scrutinized his face. "Talking?"

"Yes. My mouth moves, your mouth moves. We exchange information. Typical human past-time." He laid the sarcasm on heavily, disdainfully.

"Tea?" the detective prompted, still guarded.

"If you stop acting like a moron, perhaps."

* * *

L slowly relaxed as he stared up into those burning amber eyes, uncertain. The topmost thought in his mind was that he sincerely wanted Raito to release his hands. The second thought beneath that was that he'd like to punch the other boy for implying that _he_ was the one with the perverted, depraved mind.

He was determined to successfully resist his captor's next assault, no matter if he ended up physically wounded or not. If he didn't draw that line _now_, Raito would leave him nothing to stand on. The brunet was power-hungry, dominating, possessive and controlling. It shouldn't have surprised him that those qualities would extend into the sexual realm. Anything useful would be exploited. And he was very aware that his own vulnerability was human interaction and touch, and that his 'friend' was quite aware of it, as well. That was the reason for their sexual encounters, he was certain.

More and more, the word 'friend' sounded like a mockery to him. He wouldn't _allow_ Raito to 'make nice' in order to get close to him anymore.

Raito slowly pulled L forward off of the bed, helping him to stand. "What's the matter with you, Ryuuzaki?" Gentle fingers brushed L's cheek.

He shuddered slightly, bringing his own hand up to wipe away the feeling of that touch. That touch reminded him of Raito in his mouth, Raito's voice murmuring for his capitulation. The weighty look of lust and hunger in those eyes.

L pulled out of Raito's bracing hold and walked away, heading out into the living room to wait for his companion. He couldn't stand being in that bedroom anymore. It was full of his own weakness, filled with humiliation.

He sat down on the couch, staring thoughtlessly at his feet in order to watch Raito in his peripheral vision. The other boy had followed him out and was in the kitchen now, busily preparing tea.

Was this the right way to deal with this situation? While the other boy had been gone, he had been thinking about which strategies he ought to adopt. He knew immediately that he couldn't live with any sort of surrender. Concessions for the ultimate victory, yes, but not surrender. Anyone surrendering to Kira would be completely and utterly taken over, consumed within moments.

Because he had been surprised previously, Raito had been able to take advantage of him. If he refused to let his guard lapse, that wouldn't happen, as their strength was about equal. He could do this. In fact, compared to some of the things he'd accomplished, this ought to be a simple matter. He'd been thrown off balance in the beginning, but that wouldn't happen again.

Raito brought the tray out and set it down in the middle of the coffee table, sinking almost gratefully to his knees before it. The brunet silently prepared L's tea, never raising his eyes for a moment until it was time to offer the tea, and then it was only in the briefest flash of dark amber before that gaze was refocused upon the wall.

L was surprised to note that the other boy looked exhausted. He hadn't noticed it during their confrontation, but it was apparent to him now.

"Ah, Ryuuzaki. I have no idea why my family has begun to look to me for stability. It isn't as if my father is absent. It's more like they no longer consider him to be involved, someone to be relied upon. Perhaps if he were still on the task force, he wouldn't be like that, but ever since his health began to deteriorate..."

L blinked, having no other response.

"I thought that Sayu was better than this, more clever than this," Raito continued, frowning down at his untouched tea. "My family is in an uproar over this, and it's such a trite, cliché complication. Sayu is apparently pregnant, and has been too promiscuous to even say who the father might be. Father was completely withdrawn throughout the entire affair. He just sat there smoking his pipe." His captor sighed, taking a sip of his tea at last.

L unconsciously stroked the smooth side of his teacup with hesitant fingers, feeling a faint but compelling pressure in his mind. As if there were something that he ought to do in this situation. "What do they expect you to do about it?" he offered at last.

Flat amber eyes rose to meet his. "Provide a positive role-model, I suppose. Which is quite amusing. Not only am I a boy, but if Sayu failed to heed the example that her parents set for her, what am _I_ supposed to do?"

"Your parents," he corrected Raito absently.

The brunet gave him a perplexed look. "Yes, right, my parents," came the exasperated confirmation.

L wondered if Raito purposefully distanced himself from his family to escape being emotionally bound to them.

"Regardless, it's ridiculous that I should be called over to discuss such an idiotic matter with her. She _knows_ that the entire family disapproves. She _knows_ that that's the way a whore would behave. So what else could we possibly say to her?" Raito recaptured his teacup in deft fingers, taking another bracing sip.

Idly watching the way his captor's hair feathered as his head tilted downward, L couldn't help but be somewhat amused at Raito's high-handed moral stance in regard to Sayu when Raito himself was behaving no better.

"What are you smirking about?" the other boy snapped, glaring at him briefly before going back to sipping his tea.

_How did he know I was...?_ "I was just in agreement with you over the absurdity of the situation, Raito," L replied smoothly, hunching slightly over his own tea as he cupped it in his pale hands.

L could feel the suspicion of those amber eyes burning over him like hot needles. He focused all of his attention on peering into the tea and watching fragments of tea leaves drifting about. "Raito, did you know that you can read your fortune in the tea leaves after--"

"Ryuuzaki." Raito's tone was cutting. "Spare me. Do not say stupid things to me about fortune-telling."

"Raito is cruel and impolite," L muttered sulkily. But internally, he was even more amused at having successfully provoked the brunet.

"The same applies to you," Raito replied airily. "Now shut up and listen when I'm speaking to you." The airy tone had been exchanged for one of steel.

"Yes, Raito. Whatever you want." L made his eyes wide and innocent as if he had not just taken a mocking tone with his companion.

Without warning, Kira's predatory eyes flared back at him. "Oh, _really?_ Whatever _I_ want?"

_**MISSTEP.**_ L felt his fingers spasm and clench even more tightly around his teacup. He hadn't meant it _that_ way. Yet if he protested, it would be encouraging Raito/Kira. If he agreed, the same. Struggling to remain motionless, he stared back into those hellish eyes blankly. He realized that he was holding his breath. That was no good.

The leer slowly expanded across Kira's face, and L felt his own face flush in response to that familiar look. He had to do something, and _quickly_. A dozen options flashed through his mind, and he opted for the simplest and most direct one. He fumbled with his teacup and allowed it to crash to the table, splashing the rest of his still hot tea across the table and into Raito's lap.

Raito leapt up immediately, enraged. "God DAMN it, Ryuuzaki! What is _wrong_ with you--" Raito interrupted himself by fleeing to the bedroom, apparently intent on immediately removing his wet slacks.

L allowed himself to smirk. He could hear the muffled cursing from the bedroom. If that didn't distract the other boy from assaulting him, nothing could.

The brunet re-emerged clothed in a robe, looking even more weary than before. He spared an eloquent glare for L before detouring to the kitchen for something to mop up the rest of the spilled tea.

"You know, Ryuuzaki, sometimes you're more trouble than you're worth," Raito remarked icily, returning with paper towels. He set to wiping up the tea on the table, not deigning to meet L's eyes.

"Why did you bother to kidnap me then, Raito?"

"Because you're more troublesome when you're loose, obviously," his captor growled.

"So why didn't you poison my tea instead of merely drugging it?" L pressed, becoming more disturbed by the moment. Why _did_ Raito keep him like this?

"Because I knew this would be more entertaining," Kira replied with a sneaking, creepy smile, eyes meeting his at last.

"Really," L said blandly, struggling to maintain his composure. "This is your idea of fun."

The smile widened. "_Yes_."

"Hm. I find chess more entertaining. Where is that portable chessboard of yours, anyway? The one you used to bring to headquarters sometimes?" His reply was level enough, but inside he was beginning to panic. Was there no way to regain control of this situation?

* * *

Raito was fighting to contain himself, but he couldn't help smiling when he saw the precious stress lines appear around L's eyes, the flicker of disquiet in their depths.

_I know what you're afraid of, L. Don't worry, I'll be fulfilling your fears shortly._

He didn't respond to the chess remark, which seemed to perturb L even more. A few tense moments passed between them, cracking like stressed glass.

"How is Misa?" L asked suddenly and incongruously, making another stab at conversation.

He blinked slowly. "Frustrated, apparently. She keeps trying to undress me and I keep saying no."

L made a noncommittal noise and glanced away, frowning slightly.

"You like her, don't you? I could tell her to go on a date with you, Ryuuzaki, and she would do it. Would you like that? Is that what you want?" His smile was cruel and mocking.

The dark head bowed opposite his lifted slowly, and dark eyes glared at him reproachfully. "No, that is _not_ what I want, Yagami-san."

Raito felt his jaw lock. Despite his lack of conscience, L's disapproval bit into him oddly. "Chess it is, then," he finally managed to say shortly. He retrieved the portable chessboard from its storage place under the couch and set up the board and pieces between he and L quite methodically. As he did so, he felt his robe slipping down off of his shoulders, but did not trouble himself to fix it. He had caught the end of a stare or two recently, and showing L some skin in an innocent fashion could only work for him.

As they played in relative silence, he contemplated the problem of the shinigami. Rem was beyond his current ability to do anything about at the moment. As for Ryuk, he would likely have to offer Ryuk something, at least. The only way to live as long as he intended might very well be to give up the Death Note and achieve power in some other, more difficult way. Much as the idea galled him, the Death Note was now more of a hindrance than anything else.

But simply giving up the Death Note wouldn't be enough to satisfy Ryuk. He had to offer life, and not all of his own. He did not think that he would be able to escape having to offer at least a portion of his own life. It was also possible that he would have to offer someone else's life as well in order to rid himself of the shinigami and Death Note entanglement.

He raised his eyes to contemplate L, who remained unaware of his scrutiny. As L chewed on his thumb thoughtfully, his free hand hovering over the pieces, Raito's mind did much the same over L.

He could offer a portion of _L's_ life to Ryuk as well. Would Ryuk accept that? For that matter, he could tell the shinigami to take them both at the same time, whenever that time might be. After all, why would L need or want to live on without a worthy adversary and companion? It would even be for the best. He could not leave L behind, withering, aging and lonely after he had died, leaving his own legend behind in the world.

_Don't worry, L, I'll have him take us together. _ He felt a welling of friendship? and satisfaction at the thought. It was a squeezing ache in his chest.

Feeling much relieved, he bent his attention back to the chess pieces before him, feeling the muscles of his shoulders begin to relax.

The game went on for at least another hour, and Raito thought it a good sign that L was smiling his strange little smile occasionally towards the end.

"I'm about to conquer you," L teased, looking like a pleased child. The dark, wide eyes lingered briefly over Raito's exposed flesh.

Raito merely smiled back, not minding his imminent loss. After all, he would not lose the more entertaining and intriguing game that would be taking place shortly after this one concluded. The heat coursing through his body had made up his mind quite thoroughly at least thirty minutes ago. L's wrists, throat and mouth had begun to look unbearably delicious to him.

_Do you like what you see, L? _ He had become quite certain this evening that the detective did, in all actuality, desire him.

It seemed mysterious to him at first, but after a moment's thought, it was not so surprising. After all, wasn't he the only person that had ever gotten this close to the other boy? The only person that had touched that pale, nearly anorexic body? Of course L would desire him. He was also quite aware of how attractive he was. That, combined with being the only known person to match L's intellect, made him the only choice.

He had made a show of yawning periodically once he had come to his decision, so when he announced that he was tired and ready for bed, L did not look the least bit suspicious.

"Come, Ryuuzaki. Let's get ready for bed."

They both rose and went through their nightly routine, Raito trying to remain calm and lethargic throughout the entire excruciating process. When all the preparations had been made, L glanced between their two beds, looked at Raito briefly, then cautiously sat down on his own bed.

"Yes, I'd also prefer sleeping in our separate beds," he affirmed casually, as if perfectly content to allow L that freedom from him. "It really is tiresome to share the same bed. But I still have to cuff you so that you don't kill me in the night." Raito tried to look stern and distrustful as he produced the handcuffs from his robe, leaning down to put them on L.

L peered up at him closely, abyssal eyes probing for anything dangerous in his expression. Apparently they found nothing, for L allowed one wrist to be cuffed and only pulled back when Raito went for the other. "But can't I have one hand free?" the detective asked anxiously.

Raito pretended to consider, but lunged forward and managed to enslave the other hand, the chain looped around a bar of the headboard, as always. L struggled wildly against him for a moment until he realized that the damage was already done.

"What is this for? What is this _for?_" his captive asked frantically, jerking against the chain and staring up at Raito with an expression that was nearly naked panic.

He wrapped his arms about L and bore him the rest of the way down to the bed, inhaling the scent of his prey with relish. Soon he would possess this body as much as was possible. "Hush, Ryuuzaki, don't be so frightened," he crooned slyly, seeking the heat of the other boy's throat. "I saw you looking at me. You find me attractive. This is only natural. You should welcome it."

It also served the purpose of punishing L for his insolence. He wasn't going to be as gentle as he ought to be. The thought of hurting the detective and taking him over against his conscious will made Raito's blood burn with joy and passion.

L turned his head away from the kisses helplessly, making little choking noises of distress as his throat worked.

"Oh, no. No," Raito soothed, gently stroking L's cheek as he smiled sharply. "What are you thinking in that brilliant mind of yours?" He allowed his thumb to trail over that trembling bottom lip, his mouth following. As his tongue slid past Ryuuzaki's lips and opened his captive's mouth wider to accommodate him, he thought in the back of his mind that it felt like coming home. He had missed the deep, decadent warmth of this mouth.

_How can he seem so alluring and desirable to me when he's only a frightened, skinny intellectual? _ Raito thought perplexedly, brows creasing as his desire surged almost uncontrollably.

L's eyes were firmly closed.

"Look at me," he murmured, steadily working the other boy's jeans open distractedly as he kept his eyes on that closed, distressed face.

Warned by the twitch of one of L's facial muscles, he was prepared when his captive tried to knee him in the side. He blocked, then bit the side of that pale throat very hard. L cried out in pain, jerking violently against the cuffs.

"That's your reward when you're spiteful and uncooperative," Raito said calmly, free hand locking and tightening around L's throat to make his point. A full set of teethmarks was obvious where he had bitten the dark-haired boy.

Resentful dark eyes glared up at him now, fixed and angry.

"Oohh, I don't believe I've ever seen this side of you before, _darling_. It turns me on even more." He grinned, eyes widening with excitement at the emotion the object of his desire was unable to conceal.

He dragged off the annoying jeans and underwear, leaving L only in his long-sleeved shirt. Contrary to whatever else the detective might be feeling, he was also obviously interested in what they were about to do.

"Stop _staring_, you--" L's breath hissed out in restrained anger, swallowing whatever he had been about to say.

He flipped the other boy over with brute strength, pushing him forcefully down into the bed. L grunted in pain as Raito's elbow ground into his back, which Raito used to distract him as he leaned over to quickly grab the lubricant from the night table drawer.

"Fuck..._Yagami_..." L ground out, struggling for leverage.

"Oh, don't worry, I will," he replied contemptuously. "And you'll beg for it."

L struggled even more energetically at that, but Raito forced his legs apart, making sure to pin them with his own as much as possible.

"You are such an irritant to me, L," he breathed, trying not to sound as if he were panting in excitement as he squeezed some lubricant out onto his fingers – which he was. All he could think about was dominating that body, at long last. And thus L's soul.

L flinched and gasped as Raito slowly slid one finger into him, setting up a gradual rhythm. "Stop, _stop_," L grated out desperately, frozen.

"Hmm," he responded thoughtfully, biting his lip as he stared at the erotic sight of L's exposed sex and extreme vulnerability. And his penetration of that vulnerability.

He added another finger and L's hands were clenched around the bars of the headboard, knuckles white. "Don't!" the other boy pled hoarsely, body trembling.

"That just makes me want to do it more," he whispered back, leaning forward to kiss L's lower back. "You should know that." He sank his teeth into the pale flesh of one buttock, fingers never ceasing their slow invasion and violation of the person he liked the best.

The detective made a startled sound and jerked, but was unable to do anything more than make the occasional small urgent sound.

He ran his tongue lightly over the skin that he had just bitten; a mockery of soothing. And added a third finger.

"_Please_ , Raito!" L gasped out. "Please. What do you want? _What do you want?_ What can I do to change your mind? I can...I can do what we did last time again. Just not _this_." The other boy's voice was ragged and completely without pretense. Raw.

He closed his eyes in pleasure, body aching even more with his need. It was almost better than sex. _Almost._ Only...he knew that sex would bring even more delightful noises from L.

"Unfortunately for you, I only want to be inside of you right now." He watched as his captive's head turned to the side where it lay on the pillow, mouth open to allow harsh breathing. That dark eye regarded him mutely through jags of bangs, wide and unreadable.

Raito slowly untied his robe with his free hand, still working L with the other, and allowed the fabric to fall.

* * *

L had never known complete despair until this moment. He had never truly believed that Raito would actually rape him. But it seemed he had underestimated his captor yet again. These were probably Kira's fingers that filled him unbearably, and yet every so often brushed a pleasant, intense place within him. It was a pleasure he didn't want.

He watched as Raito's beautiful body was exposed, proud and full of desire. Those eyes were locked on him, aware of his gaze.

The fingers withdrew and he heard the snap of the lubricant being opened and closed, and then faint wet sounds as his captor prepared himself.

"Don't do it," he whispered one last time, closing his eyes tightly.

Raito's only answer was low, husky laughter.

L swallowed as he felt firm hands grip his hips and draw him up, one slipping around in front to stroke him with almost painful force. He bit the pillow, grinding it in his teeth. He would not moan. He would not give Kira any satisfaction.

He felt a slow, increasing pressure at his entrance as Raito pushed forward. The other hand distracted him somewhat, but not enough to keep him from flinching at the sudden pain of being stretched beyond his capacity, the sudden and unpleasant strangeness at being inevitably filled with more and more of the devil, the beautiful devil that unmanned him and dehumanized him.

L felt a groan begin deep in his chest and work its way up his throat until it was audible as Raito completed penetrating him, body resting flush against his. He was dimly aware of the brunet gasping and murmuring his false name, fingers of the bracing hand biting harshly into his hip.

He would not say that it hurt. It would make no difference.

Raito suddenly drew back and thrust into him forcefully, making him cry out loudly in pain and slight pleasure. "Are you thinking you're going to keep your stoic silence, L? _You're not._ I won't allow it." That voice was cruel and taunting, but so beautiful. Liquid and heavy, like honey.

L shut his eyes more tightly in misery. His shoulders were feeling pulled and painful since he could not properly get his elbows beneath him to support himself, and his body burned like fire as Raito pummeled it heedlessly.

As he endured, a disturbing thing happened. Intense and sickening pleasure gradually replaced some of the pain, making it impossible for him to remain silent. Every time Raito thrust into him, he had to suppress a cry of pleasure. He began to anticipate the penetration, to _crave_ it.

L was utterly horrified. He tried to chase down the feeling of pain, focus on it, but his awareness instead fixated on the hand that stroked him so determinedly and almost brutally, lubricated fingers greedy and too clever.

He was breathing so hard that the sound dominated the room, only punctuated by the other boy's gasps and cries. The sound of their breathing mingled together in between.

_Why did you have to do it __**this**__ way? _he thought violently at Raito.

"You feel so good," his captor gasped harshly into his ear, pace increasing.

L cringed at the jolt of pleasure that cut through him at that, both at the voice in his ear and the sentiments. He didn't want to admit it, but hearing Raito so overcome and unscripted was going to put him over the edge. And the filthy, secret part of him that welcomed the invasion by Kira made no small contribution.

He cried out and his body spasmed, the final waves of pleasure so violent and intense that they were almost painful. The blaze choked him. As the proof of his pleasure filled Raito's lovely hand, he knew a black and desperate self-hatred. He couldn't help but hate his once-imagined _friend_, as well.

If he were only able to lie limp like a boring doll and offer Raito no reward, no provocation. But it was impossible. He had to react to the other boy, because he...because he just couldn't help it.

L cried out in startlement and pain as Raito's teeth clamped down on the flesh between neck and shoulder, driving into him with a flurry of thrusts so forceful that he had to resist being pushed into the headboard.

Raito's cries rose loud and strident, embarrassing and arousing to hear.

He felt himself actually blushing and wished that he could cover his ears or get away from this carnal, lustful, sexual and tempting devil in the shape of a boy. He'd had no idea that the brunet could be so vocal.

Finally, the other boy collapsed on him, skin damp and burning, drained of all energy and sexual drive. "Beautiful," Raito whispered against the back of his neck.

"What?" L asked tremulously, still shaken.

"I could get used to doing this," his captor murmured, hands languidly stroking over L's sides and the backs of his thighs. _Possessively_, even.

He felt a chill course through him, and it wasn't solely because of Raito's ministrations. The threat of this happening again filled him with terror. He couldn't allow it to happen again. No matter how guarded he was, it did him no good against the brunet.

Raito slowly rose and went to the bathroom to clean up, leaving L alone to take stock of his traitorous, throbbing body and contemplate the horror of satisfying the other boy in the same fashion again.


	6. Breaking

The morning felt much the same as any other had that week...aside from the fact that with _this_ morning, Raito had finally fulfilled his goal of possessing L physically. It made his mood buoyant and benevolent as he prepared his tea.

L was still asleep - or imitating sleep. Whichever it was, he decided that he would allow it, and allow the detective to be without handcuffs again for the day. It was necessary, really, considering the oddly beaten behavior of his companion for the last day or so. At first Raito had taken it for a facade, but L wasn't the type to create such seemings. On the off chance that his captive was actually in serious psychological distress, he would have to be more careful.

Ratio lingered in the kitchen, sipping his tea thoughtfully as he continued to consider the boy that was asleep in the bedroom. After they had finished last night, L had been almost completely unresponsive, even when Raito had uncuffed him and cleaned him up. There had only been a touch of blood on the dark-haired boy's thighs - nothing to be traumatized by. Yet L's eyes had remained dull and unfocused.

Having dominated L with sex, Raito thought that he ought to be satisfied and done with the entire charade. But the urge, the desire he'd felt previously, remained unsated. It was irritating. What more could he possibly wring out of the detective, aside from death? What other game could they play together?

Raito had _had_ L's body..._but not his feelings._

With that sudden thought from the back of his mind, glee surged through him. There _was_ a game he hadn't played in earnest with his captive, there _was_. To become dear to L, to make L love him and need him - that would be such an exciting game to play. A challenging one.

To obtain the emotional regard of another, kindness and charm were typically the key elements, weren't they? That, and making it seem that the affection was reciprocated. But he also needed to maintain his control over his captive. To strike the perfect balance between the two poles would be a thrilling exercise. Once he succeeded in earning L's affection, it would be much less difficult to get what he wanted from the other boy. And what he wanted...was a _reaction_.

Raito set down his empty teacup and took L's out of the barren cupboard, pouring a measure of steaming green tea into it and drowning it with sugar. He grimaced distastefully as he watched the sweetness dissolving into the tea, tainting it. With a shrug, he picked up the cup and went to the bedroom door, opening it quietly.

L was motionless where he lay in Raito's bed, dark eyes half open and staring at the ceiling. Slowly, those eyes moved to refocus on him, registering his presence. That pale face remained expressionless as their eyes met.

Raito walked slowly to the side of the bed, concerned. "I brought you some tea, Ryuuzaki. Why don't you sit up a bit?" He helped the detective into a sitting position, noting the wince that crossed the other boy's face. He propped the pillows behind L, trying to make the position more comfortable to maintain.

"Come on," Raito encouraged softly, injecting tenderness into his voice as he held the cup up to those sealed lips. As L's hands came up to take the cup, he left one of his own hands lightly atop the detective's. "Good, that's better," he soothed as the cup was tilted up for a sip.

As if it took all the effort in the world, L dragged heavy eyes back up to meet his and croaked, "Why are you doing this?"

Too kind? Had he been suspicious? Raito adopted a brusque stance. "The way you question everything is both a good trait and a fault, Ryuuzaki," he replied a bit snappishly.

L grunted and took another sip, eyes still locked on his face.

Oddly enough, Raito found that the scrutiny made him uncomfortable. It was that _peering_ look, the one that made it seem as if L were able to see through walls, skin and all deceptions down to the true structures and foundations underneath. He felt defensive, and his first instinct was to lash out at L and ask how the detective felt this morning. But it would be too much. Too much damage.

The realization that the great L was so delicate both disgusted and delighted him. _It won't be as difficult as I had initially thought to work my way inside of you._

"What are you thinking right now?" L rasped out, gaze sharpening.

"That I have too many things to do today. Why?" Had something slipped into his expression? He had to be more careful if he wanted his displays of caring to seem authentic.

"I...would swear that Yagami-kun had been thinking something unsavory about world domination or victimizing someone." L's eyes were defiant, only wavering slightly.

_Brave of you, L._ Well, Raito wasn't about to be provoked into ruining his new plan. "I don't think about those things _all_ the time, Ryuuzaki," he replied quietly, averting his eyes. "Sometimes I have other concerns. Lately that is more the case."

"What might those be?" his captive pressed, falling back on his usual poker face that consisted of a blank expression and wide eyes.

"Nothing I want to talk about right now," he said calmly, letting L think he had uncovered something that Raito would rather not share. "I have to go. Do you need anything before I leave?"

"Nothing that you're willing to give," L retorted, expression still blank.

"Well, I suppose you're all right if you're talking like this," Raito murmured, moving away. "I'll bring in something for you to eat and the rest of the tea, and then I'll have to lock you in."

"Fine."

* * *

L had focused on being as unresponsive to Raito as possible while his captor had been in the room. Now that he had been locked in by himself, he was still unable to relax, waiting for the sound of the front door as his sign of safety. He knew that the brunet was still in the apartment.

Finally, he heard the front door close. Only _then_ did he allow the festering anger inside of him to show on his face. He surged to his feet, wincing and gasping at the painful ache that flowered inside of him at the sudden movement. Clenching his fists, he hoped fervently that he would get the chance to bloody Raito's hateful face.

L made his way to the dresser and jerked a drawer open, pulling out suitable clothing for himself. _He_, the greatest detective in the world, reduced to Kira's whore! But even 'whore' implied that he was receiving compensation, which he most certainly was _not_. Regardless, it was absolutely intolerable and loathsome. To think that Raito had gone _so_ far - he couldn't fathom any other motive but destruction. Raito was waging psychological warfare upon him in the lowest form imaginable, trying to break his mind. Here he had thought that there was some slight respect for him in the other boy's mind, but he knew better now.

The tight ache in in his chest surprised him. How could this unpleasant feeling be related to his disillusionment in the vague notion of some friendship between the two of them? He should have known from the beginning, but...as he closed his eyes for a moment, the slight kindnesses played behind them in the darkness of his mind. Raito's seemingly unguarded moments. The things that didn't make sense. The brunet's reactions to him. Or was it merely part of some greater plan to lower his own defenses?

_What a waste you are, Raito. _The thought filled him with something like intense disappointment, but the feeling was also akin to how he felt when he occasionally realized how alone he was in the world. It was...grief? _Yes, how incredible you are, and it is such a waste._

L made a disgusted noise and pulled on his clothing impatiently. He didn't have time for these stupid, distracting feelings. He had to escape. There had to be a way, if he could only purge these petty distractions from his mind and _focus_.

He scanned the room sharply, thinking. Obviously Raito would not be careless enough to leave a key or a useful tool. Even if he were able to pick the lock somehow, he would still have two more to pick before he could escape, and they were all deadbolts. It would take too long, and if Raito should come home and discover what he was up to - he would never get another chance. No, there had to be a more viable and less obvious option.

There were no windows in the bedroom, certainly. Could he make a hole in the wall? He eyed the small bedside lamp disdainfully and decided not. Besides, he was certain that Raito had said previously that no one would hear him if he yelled. Was that the truth? He had certainly never heard anything to indicate that there was anyone else nearby.

That left the bathroom. L moved to investigate it, turning the light on. He found it a bit difficult to face the bathroom, too. The mirror showed him his own weary, alabaster face, and the shower stall was stamped all over with Raito and himself - he couldn't even bear to look at it. The images and feelings were too intense. He could almost feel Kira's eyes consuming his naked flesh, though he was clothed and safely alone.

L quickly knelt to look under the sink, putting everything else out of his mind. A couple of bottles of hair products, some soap, nothing much. None of it was anything that Raito seemed to use regularly. Those products were already out. None of what was under the sink was useful, either. As he rose to open the medicine cabinet, he heard a faint thump.

He froze, dread snaking up his spine as his heart simultaneously began to hammer. Was the brunet back?

The sound came again, accompanied by muffled voices. Now that he was listening closely, he was able to perceive that it came from beneath him. The apartment beneath Raito's had someone in it! He crouched, yelling at the floor and hoping that he would be heard. He paused to listen for a response and heard what sounded like a power drill starting up. They hadn't heard him.

Were they maintenance staff for the apartment complex? What would get their attention down there? L ran through a list of possible problems he could create, and then his eyes focused on the pipe under the sink right in front of him. The cabinet beneath the sink was sunken by several inches, so water could accumulate in the cabinet to leak down to the apartment below.

If he were careful, he could damage the seal between the two pieces of pipe just enough to fill the cabinet beneath the sink without overflowing the ledge of the door. L suppressed the hope that stirred within him. Results first.

In the event that Raito discovered it, he would assume it was a normal failure and not anything that L had done, wouldn't he? Even if his captor only suspected, that would do. So long as there wasn't actual _proof_.

L set to work.

* * *

"If anyone can find Kira, it's you, Yagami-kun," Matsuda said from behind him.

Raito snapped out of his reverie of last night and swiveled his chair just enough to enable him to see the other occupant of the room. "Hm?" He made a show of noticing that the other members of the task force were absent. "Has everyone gone out?"

Matsuda laughed, one hand rising self-consciously to the back of his head. "You work so hard that you don't notice anything else, do you? That's...really admirable. You're really..." the words faltered, a blush rising in Matsuda's earnest face.

_Oh, __**god**__,_ _spare me!_ Raito thought with disgusted irritation, struggling not to roll his eyes. "I just feel so strongly about this case," he replied passionately.

The dark-haired boy edged closer, running a tentative finger along the corner of Raito's desk. "You don't feel strongly about many things, do you, Yagami-kun? Just this case, your family and...L." Matsuda refused to meet Raito's eyes as he spoke.

"That's right," he replied matter-of-factly, waiting for the horrible dialogue to strangle itself.

But Matsuda continued doggedly. "Do you...are you...dating...?"

Raito resisted the urge to clench his fingers over the arms of his chair. "No, I don't have time for that right now." Time to finish this. "Besides," he mused, "the only people I need are L and Misa."

"O-of course. You're so busy, and so amazing. You have everything sorted out in your life, don't you, Yagami-kun? You're that kind of person."

"Indeed," he replied with a smile. "Speaking of which, I really ought to leave and check up on Misa. I leave her alone more than I like these days."

"I'll be here, of course." Matsuda waved half-heartedly as Raito rose.

"We need more dedicated people like you," Raito cast over his shoulder as he escaped headquarters. Abysmal. How obvious did he have to _be_?

Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone? It seemed lately as if everyone had _something_ that they wanted from him, something that they needed to pester him about consistently. L was the only person that wasn't a constant source of irritation to him. He dreaded the day he became bored of the other boy, the day the entertainment of their struggle paled.

He was already beginning to despise the routine of maintaining his false life. Not yet the part of having a secret place with L. He still found _that_ very entertaining. But the monotonous juggling of the task force, the communications, family, Misa and the shinigami was beginning to make him feel violent. And if Matsuda made eyes at him _one more time_...

Raito gritted his teeth aggressively, no other thoughts in his mind as he endeavored to escape headquarters.

Once he was outside, he was able to breathe a little easier and consider a course of action that would soothe and please his captive. Recuperative measures. Unfortunately, the effectiveness of any action would be greatly lessened if he did not keep his hands off of L for at least a day or so. It shouldn't be difficult. After all, the detective was merely an outlet for frustration, and the most satisfactory way of spending his sexual energy. He didn't _need_ to touch him. He could wait.

* * *

L glanced up from making his toes dance as he heard the door to the apartment open and close, putting him instantly on alert. After a few moments, there came the sound of the key in the bedroom door and it opened slowly, Raito's face appearing in the gap cautiously. "Ryuuzaki?" the brunet murmured, eyes seeking him out.

"Do you expect me to be anywhere else?" he replied archly, hands wrapping around his own feet and squeezing without any thought.

"I suppose not,"Raito replied with a slight smirk, entering the room more confidently than he had opened the door.

L watched warily as the other boy drew closer, forcing himself not to recoil as one of those dangerous hands reached out to lightly stroke his hair. "Everything okay at headquarters?" he asked to distract himself.

"_Heh._ Well enough, if only Matsuda would leave me alone."

L felt a sour twinge within him. "What do you mean?"

Those rich and luminous eyes descended to hold his face. "He appears to like me. Why, Ryuuzaki?' Raito's smile sharpened, splitting slightly. "Are you actually _jealous_?"

He batted away the hand that was still lingering behind his head and glanced away. "Don't be illogical, Raito. Please feel free to redirect your _friendship_ towards Matsuda. I'm certain he would have a greater appreciation for it."

There was a long, breathless pause. "I see," Raito finally said calmly.

L glanced up, perplexed at how calm his captor was. But then he saw the glint in Kira's eyes - eyes that were riveted upon him. He felt his throat and stomach tighten with dread, just as uncertain of how to handle himself with this person as he had been a few days ago.

Raito suddenly turned away, heading for the bedroom door. "I'm making tea if you'd like to come out," the brunet called over his shoulder.

He blinked, confused. Where were the repercussions for his behavior? Why was the other boy treating him like a human being today? It made him extremely uneasy, as grateful as he was for remaining unmolested for the moment. L released his feet from the death-grip he had on them and unfolded himself to stand, slowly shuffling out into the living room.

True to Raito's word, he was busily making tea. L watched the graceful dance of those elegant hands for a moment, wishing all over again that his friend had not turned out to be Kira. Why couldn't this be a truly normal evening between friends? He could almost imagine what it would have been like. It made the grief-knot from earlier return to lodge in his chest. He sank down onto the footrest, wilting.

"What's wrong, Ryuuzaki?" Light's melodious voice asked as he continued making tea, tone soothing and tender as it stroked down L's spine.

Involuntarily, he brought his thumb up and bit it sharply. "Nothing, Raito, nothing whatsoever." His voice sounded too flat to be perfectly convincing.

Raito paused at that, lifting his head with a pained smile. "Come now, Ryuu. I know when something is bothering you." The brunet left the kitchen, approaching him and kneeling before him.

L's entire body tensed warily. "Don't forget the tea."

That strange smile was still on his companion's lips. Burnt amber eyes caressed his face intently, invasive and pressing. "You're always lying to me," Raito murmured gently, voice almost a whisper as the other boy reached up to slowly draw L's hand back down, saving the skin of his thumb. His hand was then pressed between both of Raito's and lightly stroked.

L felt panic rushing up his throat and into his brain. He struggled desperately to beat it back, to remain in control of his reactions.

"Be yourself," his captor murmured, lifting the imprisoned hand and laying a languid, sensual kiss across the back of it. "That's what I like about you." Raito turned L's hand in his grasp, mouth wandering over the vulnerability of palm and then wrist, caressing easing into demanding. The sudden prick of teeth and tease of tongue over the delicate flesh of his wrist did him in. He leapt to his feet, darting across the room to put his back to the bar, staring wildly at Raito's back.

The brunet turned around, rising slowly. "Ryuu, what's the--"

"Don't touch me!" L rasped out, horrified to discover that he was shaking.

Raito continued to advance, arms open. "When have I truly harmed you? Be reasonable. Aren't we friends?"

L fumbled behind him and pulled a knife from the knife block on the bar, brandishing it at the bane of his existence. "Don't come any closer! I refuse to allow you to touch me anymore!"

The other boy appeared briefly startled, but was not deterred. "What do you mean to do with that?" Raito asked gently, tone disarming.

"Don't make me hurt you!" L gasped out, eyes unwillingly drawn down to the planes of Raito's chest and stomach that were revealed by the unbuttoned shirt. When had that shirt become unbuttoned?? More proof of his companion's questionable intentions.

"Would you really hurt your friend?" Raito was very close now.

"You're not my friend!" he cried out, slashing the air before him to keep the space around him open.

His captor took the last step, perfectly calm, arms still outspread. "If you hate me so much, why don't you just--"

L slashed blindly with his eyes tightly shut, cringing back against the bar. When he realized that he had felt a slight shock of contact through the knife, his eyes snapped open. Raito stood before him still, but he was staring down at his torso, bleeding from a gash across his abdomen.

He choked and froze, trembling so hard now that it was plainly visible. As if from a great distance, he stared at the blood coursing down Raito's velvety skin, felt the guilt and horror throttling him. He fled into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. With that, he felt the sudden need to rush to the bathroom, at which point he dropped the knife, vomiting abruptly into the sink. He gasped in great heaving breaths, almost sobbing, and covered his face. What if Raito came after him?? Raito would kill him! What if Raito were critically injured and needed help? What if Raito passed out and died while he was hiding in here?

L slid to the floor, still shaking violently, and reluctantly picked the knife up again. He had to be...he had to be ready. "I can't do it," he whispered, unable to imagine stabbing or cutting Raito again. "I _can't_ do it."

Raito would come for him. He curled up around the knife, holding it tightly, and bit his thumb over and over until it bled.

* * *

Raito continued staring down at his injury for a moment more after L slammed into the bedroom, in complete shock. Then he raised his head, gaze boring into the bedroom door. The wound stung fiercely, but it didn't appear to be deep. Still, he would have to treat it, and that meant he would have to leave the apartment.

He scowled as he grabbed a handful of paper towels and did his best to staunch the bleeding. His slacks were ruined, too. He quickly moved to lock the bedroom door to keep the armed and dangerous L away from him.

To think that L would go so far as to _cut_ him...! It hadn't been the least bit calculated. The other boy could have _killed_ him. He smiled wryly despite himself. Wouldn't it have been ironic to be killed by L, of all people?

Raito carefully buttoned his shirt and kept the paper towels pressed to his abdomen, holding them in place under the shirt. After that, he slipped his shoes on and left, intending to make his way to Misa's place for the night. She would treat him and have some clothes for him to wear, as well as being a convenient way to dispose of the evidence of his injury in a place that wasn't his.

He felt a twinge of conscience over pushing L. He'd promised himself to leave the detective alone for a day, but apparently his willpower was unreliable when it came to keeping his hands off of his friend. Before he had realized it, touching that pale hand had somehow led to kissing it, and then he had wanted to taste it and consume it. And it had all happened as naturally as breathing.

The lack of control and intent disturbed him more than he wanted to admit. He continued to brood as he traveled, his awareness of his surroundings dimming.

Before he knew it, Raito found himself at the door to Misa's apartment without much recollection of getting there. He had been almost completely preoccupied with thoughts of L. He knocked reluctantly.

After a few moments, the door opened and Misa squeaked with joy. "Raito, darling! I can't believe you came - I was _just_ thinking about you. I joined this group online for the power of thought, and it has been proven--"

"Misa, I'm injured," Raito interjected coolly. "And please send Rem away if she's here. I can't stand being glared at."

Misa gasped and pulled him into the apartment, brimming with concern. "Whaaat? How did my precious get hurt?"

"I was on my way here to see you and was mugged. I fought the man off, but he had a knife and he cut me..." Raito unbuttoned his shirt as he spoke, pulling the bloody paper towels away.

Misa cried out and ran into her bedroom, presumably to retrieve first aid supplies.

Raito wandered into the bedroom after her, trying to keep his blood from dripping on the floor. He kept seeing L's traumatized eyes, and the way the dark-haired boy had been shaking. _I hurt you too much, _he thought darkly, closing his own eyes. This was probably only what he deserved.

Friend. _Friend. _What did that stupid word mean, anyway? Weren't he and L friends? Raito tilted his head slightly as he considered, well aware that his idea of friendship had never matched the others he knew. He had never had a need for friendship. He still didn't.

He was vaguely aware that Misa was before him, cleaning his injury. He paid her no mind, completely absorbed by the dark, accusing eyes in his mind. _"You're not my friend!" _L had cried in such a heart-wrenching voice. Terrified eyes. Shaking hands. The indomitable and unflappable L losing his mind to such a degree that he couldn't even taunt or challenge Raito.

"Raito?" Misa prompted softly.

The images wouldn't stop coming. L last night, doll-like, dull-eyed and limp. _There had only been a touch of blood - nothing to be traumatized by,_ he had thought so coldly this morning. Always forcing his way in. It wasn't only a game, because it mattered if he lost, if he made mistakes.

"Raito!"

L was the only person he acknowledged. The only human being on his level. Yet he had been treating him like an object, a possession. What if there were lasting damage to that amazing mind?

A touch on his face startled him and he glared down at Misa. "What is it?"

"You...you were so distracted. What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing. Crime will be a thing of the past once I become a god."

_"What I really wish, Raito-kun, is for you __**not**__ to be Kira," _L's voice echoed in his mind.

"Shut _up_," he whispered harshly, putting a hand to his head.

"What?" Misa asked, sounding concerned.

"Nothing, it's nothing," he assured her brusquely. "I'm just tired."

"Misa was hoping...maybe Raito would like to make love?" Misa's hopeful eyes peered up at him from under the blond fringe of her bangs.

The very thought of doing anything with Misa made him ill. "Even though I've just been injured?" he asked with an edge in his voice.

Misa drooped like an unloved houseplant. "Oh, right. Sorry, Raito."

"_Kun_, dammit, Raito-_kun_. If you insist on being disrespectful, I absolutely won't have sex with you, Misa."

"Raito-_kun _is mean!" she exclaimed passionately, turning and fleeing the room.

He would go back tomorrow to make things right with L, to re-establish the rules. They _were _friends. He owed the detective an apology.

Raito sighed deeply, wincing as it aggravated the now bandaged cut. He turned to the nearest wall, moving to lean against it. "What is your name?" he murmured to it, closing his eyes to thoughts of alabaster skin that rejected him.


	7. Inside Out

**A/N: Sorry, guys. Life keeps getting in the way! And I went to the AWA convention this past weekend and was tied up with that. Was anyone there? I cosplayed 'informal' Raito (no jacket) and was handcuffed to my very own L! But only for a bit...con staff thought handcuffs were dangerous. :I There was one other Raito and L pair with handcuffs, but theirs had the long chain and ours the short.**

**I also had some fabulous long reviews recently. Thank you! You know who you are, and I do plan to reply. :) **

* * *

Raito sighed as he dragged himself up the stairs to the apartment. He judged that he had given L plenty of time to calm down - and to be desperate with hunger.

He'd barely slept at all last night between concern for his captive and Misa's annoying presence pressing in upon him. It would be a relief to settle things with the detective, to coax him back into submission. A lighter touch was needed - that much was obvious. He cursed himself for misjudging and exerting too much pressure.

As a peace offering, he had purchased a cake on his way home. Raito smiled slightly as he imagined L's delighted response. He pulled his key out with his free hand, lifting his head to look at the door of his temporary apartment - and froze.

There was a notice taped to the door, and the deadbolt he had installed had been removed, leaving only the usual lock that the apartment complex had a key for. The notice read:

_**EVICTION NOTICE**_

_**Dear Mr. Takano,**_

_**We had to enter your apartment to repair a leak in the bathroom and found it necessary to remove your deadbolt (installed without authorization) in order to gain access to make the repair. The installation of the deadbolt goes against the terms agreed upon in your lease, as do the other modifications that have been made to the apartment.**_

_**We regret to inform you that we must evict you from your apartment due to your violation of the lease. Modifications to the apartment are strictly forbidden (please reference page 2, paragraph 5 of your lease). You will also be billed for the repairs--**_

Raito felt the handle of the cake box slip from his nerveless fingers. "Fuck!" he snarled with a complete lack of eloquence, jamming his key into the door and twisting it. He wrenched the door open and rushed in, looking frantically for any sign of L. "Ryuuzaki? Ryuuzaki!" There was no answer.

He searched every room of the apartment to no avail. L was **gone**. Raito clutched his head in both hands, hands tightening into fists in his hair as the implications raced through his mind. He was dead. _**Dead**_.

He took several deep breaths, trying to calm down. Now was not the time to linger. The apartment maintenance staff could come back at any time, and he had no intention of paying for repairs, nor allowing them the chance to determine that he was not who he said he was.

Raito set to wiping down all the surfaces in the apartment that could possibly take fingerprints, then gathered the few personal articles that remained - primarily in the form of clothing - and threw them into a garbage bag. He hesitated in the kitchen when he encountered their teacups and the tea tray in the cabinet, then decided to wrap them in clothing and toss them into the garbage bag as well.

_Why am I bothering with such ridiculous things? _Raito thought in annoyance, perturbed that he would bother with something so trivial. There were always new teacups and tea trays to be had. It didn't matter that he had found those and purchased them on a whim, smirking in amusement as he imagined L's dismay when he said that they had been chosen specifically with the dark-haired boy in mind.

With a deep sigh of disgust, Raito made haste out of the apartment, secure in the knowledge that there was nothing incriminating left behind. He was confronted with the cake sitting on the landing outside where he had dropped it earlier. With a scowl and another curse, he opened the door again and kicked the cake box into the apartment. That accomplished, he set off down the stairs purposefully, but took care not to appear too hurried. It wouldn't do for someone to see him and take note of him, even if he didn't usually frequent this part of town for anything other than the apartment where he kept L confined.

L, L, L. What was the detective up to?

An even more pressing thought - what was he to do with the clothing he had for L in the garbage bag? Better to discard it in an anonymous dumpster somewhere? Burn it? Or would it be harmless enough to box it up and leave it in the closet in his own apartment? After all, what could anyone say? That Raito had some clothing that looked suspiciously like the sort of clothing that L would wear? And so? He couldn't foresee an issue.

But the most pressing thought of all was what L would do now. The other boy would surely take action against him.

Raito entertained fleeting thoughts of melting away into another city, disappearing and leaving 'Yagami Raito' behind here. But the thought quickly disintegrated when he imagined a lifetime of trying to evade the greatest detective in the world - a lifetime of boredom without being able to speak to the only person he'd ever known who was on his level.

What kind of god was he if he couldn't best L on his own ground? He would have to face this situation and overcome it. Surely he could turn it to his own advantage if he only had the chance. But that depended on L's next move. If the detective outed him as Kira, his life would be over very shortly.

He glanced around casually to gauge the responses of the occasional passersby, but no one gave him much of a glance. He couldn't very well go much further carrying a garbage bag, however. He spotted what looked to be a small shipping store and crossed the street, entering the store and placing his trash bag on the counter.

The young man behind the counter eyed him with surprise. "Wow, what have you got there?"

Raito laughed self-deprecatingly, running his fingers through his immaculate hair and touseling it. "Need to send some clothes back to my cousin. He doesn't live that far away, but be damned if I'm going to drag his mess through public transport and god knows what else. I've called him sooo many times, but the good-for-nothing refuses to come and pick this stuff up." He smiled engagingly, widening his eyes to look more innocent.

The clerk laughed, dragging out a collapsed box of suitable proportions and setting it up with a few well-placed strips of tape. "Yeah, man, I hear you. Just fill out one of those forms there with his address and we'll get it going."

"Thanks a lot." Raito hurriedly wrote his own address, affecting the alternate handwriting style he had practiced, and gave it to the man. After paying in cash, he was back out on the street and on his way home.

He would get cleaned up, and then he would go to headquarters to face L.

* * *

_Fingers slid up the back of his neck, burying themselves in his dark hair before clenching forcefully and dragging his head back. He struggled, but it was hopeless. Lips descended upon his bared throat anyway, and he felt them curving into a taunting, wicked smirk against his desperate skin._

_"Raito," L gasped, pulling against the silken knots that bound his wrists and kept his hands out of the way above his head. _

_As seductive lips learned the arch of his neck and the lines of his collarbones, a naked body undulated sinuously against his, sliding against him in places he preferred to keep clothed and hidden. He shuddered in response, biting the inside of his cheek in an attempt to maintain control. _

_"L...I don't want to learn your name anymore," Raito murmured against his shoulder, hand sliding down the smooth plane of L's stomach. _

_The heat of that hand was a trail of greater warmth against his rapidly heating flesh. "Ah..." he answered, trying to drag his attention from Raito's hands upon his body in order to process the words. "What?" he asked intently when it clicked. "What do you mean?" _

_"I don't...want to be Kira anymore," Raito whispered, teasing the now hypersensitive flesh between L's thighs. The brunet slid a slick finger just the slightest bit into him. Withdrawing. Sliding in a little further._

_"Raito...don't...nngh..." L twisted his wrists repeatedly, trying to control himself against the sweet disaster of his desire and aching helplessness. He could feel the passion building, tightening, constricting his throat as the finger continued its cruel teasing of his body. He wanted--_

L awoke with a gasp, staring eyes focusing on the screen before him. He had apparently fallen asleep in his chair while watching the task force at work via the multiple cameras installed in the room they called headquarters. But the only feed he was currently watching was the one fixed upon Yagami Raito, zoomed in upon the other boy's face.

_Raito._ Just seeing his supposed friend's face sent a pang through his aching body, and he was suddenly and painfully aware of his need. Need caused by a disgusting and pathetic dream. Although he did not sleep that often when he was not with Raito, he was now afraid to sleep at all for fear of the dreams that had plagued him since escaping his imprisonment 3 days ago.

He had not shown himself to anyone but Watari yet. He wasn't ready to face anyone else yet. He was also still trying to decide on the best course of action regarding Raito. Part of him sincerely wanted to reveal the other boy as Kira, despite the fact that the humiliating kidnapping would come out. But the rest of him was well aware that such an action would condemn Raito to death with Kira, thus depriving him of his only...friend. Raito deserved it. It was only right. The brunet had killed countless people, and was definitely mentally unstable.

But...there was no one like Raito. No one. The grief ghosted through him again, and he pushed it away impatiently. Death or tolerance. Those were his only two choices. Getting emotional about it would be useless and stupid. It was difficult not to feel something with that dream still so fresh, with his body throbbing, longing for Raito to--

GOD. L closed his eyes tightly, rubbing them. Bodies and emotions were treacherous. Thus why he had never bothered with them before he had been tricked and drawn into the tar pit known as human interaction. His sterile environment, so essential to perfect thought processes, was destroyed, utterly contaminated. Hormones clouded and choked the proper functioning of his brain.

Why didn't Raito suffer from such a handicap? How did the other boy do it? Those honey-amber eyes were staring quite intently at the screen, fingers moving to type periodically. Focused. Not the least bit distracted or tormented.

Of course not. Of _course_ not. Raito was a perfect killer. Cool, calm, collected and rational almost all the time. Unless Raito was in the midst of one of his flash rages. But _he_ seemed the only person capable of provoking Raito into one of those.

It rankled that Kira could maintain a more professional attitude than he himself could at this point. The dreams were so disturbing and confusing. They almost made him miss being in captivity - which was sick, just _sick_. Was he suffering from Stockholm Syndrome?

L opened his eyes again, switching off the monitor. Staring at Raito's face for hours at a time wasn't helping him analyze anything - and wasn't helping his state of mind, either. He slowly uncurled from his computer chair, getting to his feet to stretch. His arousal reminded him of its presence with a random throb and he sighed. He would have to take care of it before he could focus on anything else. Which was usually best accomplished by staring at a blank wall while he did so, focusing on said wall with all of his considerable will. Otherwise he began to remember dreams, experiences...and heard the echo of Raito's voice taunting him and coaxing him. Crooning obscene things to him.

He turned, weaving his way around the bed in the small room, and reluctantly made his way into the bathroom, shutting the door.

* * *

L tore into his donut half-heartedly, and noted with dismay that he'd barely made a dent in the plate of sweets that Watari had brought to him a few hours ago. Since his captivity, he hadn't had much desire for sweets anymore. Every time he began to crave, he was reminded of how treats had been Raito's reward to him when he had 'behaved' himself.

It had now been _six_ days since his captivity had ended, and yet he had delayed making his reappearance. That would probably end today, as there was nothing further to gain from continuing his...surveillance.

L's eyes widened as Matsuda appeared behind Raito's right shoulder, and the detective leaned closer to the screen. The two had a brief exchange, Raito smiling winningly up at Matsuda, Matsuda lightly laying a hand on Raito's shoulder. A cup of tea was deposited in front of the brunet.

_That _was the other reason he had to re-emerge. To protect that idiot Matsuda from himself. Not that he cared overmuch for Matsuda's safety, but he was damned if he'd allow Raito to have his way with yet another person. He wouldn't allow the sadistic pervert that satisfaction. It was time to scare Raito with his appearance, to take the other boy off balance with the fear of L's knowledge and ability to ruin him.

He had come to the conclusion that Raito was too precious a resource to destroy, and the only way to keep Raito alive was by restricting him and controlling him. Carefully. It could be managed, but only by himself. But would he be able to face that smirk without shaking and having flashbacks? He would have to.

L finished his donut hurriedly, giving the dessert plate a sad look before leaving his private room. The room headquarters was based in was just around the corner.

Raito had even ruined his love of sugar, and for that he owed the other boy. He was going to make certain he caused as much discomfort as possible. He stood before the door with his fingers poised at the keypad, bracing himself. He had to remember what his continued surveillance had revealed from the fourth day onward. That his former captor _was_ just as nervous as he was. He had seen the evidence of it in Raito's surreptitious glances at the door several times a day, at the dark smudges slowly appearing under the burnt amber eyes, even though an attempt had been made to mask them with what he presumed was foundation or powder. Raito was being worn down, too.

L took a deep breath and punched in the code to open the door, wandering into the room as if he hadn't been gone at all. The task force members noticed him one by one, gasping and getting to their feet, looking at him with hopeful eyes. Raito's back was to him, but slowly his liar of a friend began to turn.

"L!" Matsuda exclaimed, sounding both relieved and disappointed.

At that, Raito whipped the rest of the way around, eyes widening as they fixed on his. The surprise was quickly suppressed. He held the brunet's gaze for a tense moment, then scratched his head, glancing around casually. "Yes. I am afraid that my lead went cold, and I was unable to capture Kira." He met Raito's eyes again. "However, I'm very close to doing so, and he will be defeated very shortly."

Matsuda glanced between L and Raito, expression puzzled - likely at the focused intensity burning between them like a laser beam. It seemed to galvanize Raito out of his staring.

"Ah, Ryuu...zaki! We were so worried about you. Thank goodness you're safe, but that's a shame about Kira."

"Indeed," he replied flatly, shifting from one bare foot to the other. "Why don't you get me some tea, Raito...kun?" He had managed to tag the 'kun' on just in time, but the long pause made it sound immensely awkward. He struggled to prevent his embarrassment from burning his face.

Raito smiled with a touch of aggression, Kira sliding through his eyes briefly. "Of course, Ryuu-chan."

Matsuda gaped indignantly. "But...why should Yagami-kun have to do that? Can't you get your own, or have Watari--"

The brunet held up a hand and shook his head. "It's no trouble, Matsuda. In fact, it would be my pleasure." Those eyes touched his face briefly, a courteous smile upon Raito's lips. But those eyes...gleamed with a suppressed amusement. Amusement at his expense.

This would be more challenging than he had initially supposed. But that should only be expected from someone who was his equal. He waved his hand at Raito dismissively and settled into a chair halfway across the room, ignoring Matsuda's surprised look. He was _not _about to sit anywhere near his former captor as he once would have. The more distance, the better.

Was it safe to allow the other boy to touch his food, his beverages? He felt a pang of panic, which he forcibly suppressed. Raito wasn't stupid. He wouldn't do something like that in _headquarters_. There were too many people coming and going, too many cameras.

From the corner of his eye, L caught Matsuda speaking to Raito again, leaning in very close. He suffered the same sharp jag of irritation that he always did when he saw that buffoon courting his former captor. Matsuda didn't have the right, was nowhere near being on their plane of existence and intellectual ability. _What do I care if he gets kidnapped and molested? _L thought churlishly, forcing his eyes back to his computer screen.

It nagged at the back of his neck, prickling and irritating him. He almost jumped when a teacup was set before him by a well-formed, perfectly manicured hand. "There you are, _Ryuu_," an all-too-familiar voice murmured intimately, far too close to his ear.

L reacted without thinking, reaching up and back to grab the neck of Raito's dress shirt. "I expect you to treat me with respect and restraint, _Yagami_," he replied softly, tone threatening. "Your little power-trip is over, and you'd best learn your place immediately or I'll be forced to take action and do something..._unfortunate_." He waited for a moment for any response, Raito's warmth and pleasing scent beginning to filter into his awareness. _Hold, __**hold**__. Don't show any weakness._

"As you say," Raito said quietly, gently uncurling L's fingers from his shirt before straightening and going back to his chair as if nothing unusual had occurred.

He swallowed discreetly, trying to work the tense and anxious feeling from his throat. His mouth had gone dry, too. This wasn't good enough. There had to be some way to demonstrate to Raito that _**L**_ was the one in control now. He rubbed the fingers that those corrupting hands had touched, trying to erase the feeling of the other boy from his flesh.

_If I believed in therapy, I'd be there right now,_ L thought, disgruntled.

If he were clever, he would encourage the disturbing interaction between Raito and Matsuda. It would keep the brunet distracted and out of trouble, making controlling him a more manageable goal. Such a dangerous person. The perfect Kira.

For the first time in his life, he regretted taking a case. L slouched more deeply into his chair. It was obvious that he would have to set up a private meeting with Raito to lay down the ground rules.

There had to be a way that he could work this to his advantage.

* * *

Raito ground his teeth, typing fiercely as he composed a plausible-sounding report on Kira statistics.

This dangerous situation with L was going to be the end of him. There had to be a way that he could work things to his advantage!

He had been anxious for a week, wondering what on earth L was up to, wondering when the police would come to arrest him. He had barely been eating or sleeping. On top of that major concern, he had also been plagued by thoughts of how badly L might be damaged. He had only wanted to crack him a little, after all. Just enough to get inside...

_L's hot, melting inside._

Raito took a deep breath, disturbed at the shock of heat that tore through him when he recalled the intimacies that he had forced upon the detective. When L had pulled him down just a moment ago, and he'd been so close to that pale neck, inhaling the scent of the other boy's choppy, feathery hair...he had almost forgotten where he was. He had been able to _smell_ the vulnerability just beneath the calm, cool surface.

Why did it give him so much pleasure to lose himself in sexuality with such an odd creature? Before L, he had been certain that he would never experience passion with anyone. Had it simply been the situation? The power?

He longed to terrorize L, to corner him, to make him cry out and struggle. It had been too long. He had to do something about this desperate feeling. He would surely make a mistake if things went on this way. He needed to spend the unbearable desire somewhere.

Misa? No, he couldn't bear that. He would be ill. Matsuda had been all over him lately, but he wasn't certain that he'd be able to stomach sex with Matsuda, either. He was also certain that a relationship would be presumed if they had sex, and he wanted nothing to do with that. Nothing whatsoever.

But it was so entertaining to draw those disapproving looks from L. If only he could bear to take Matsuda.

He knew there were establishments that catered to such tastes. Although he kept feeling the need to glance back at L, he refused to succumb to the urge. It was too obvious, and he knew that there were cameras recording their every move twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. As it was he had probably revealed his anxiety of the past week with some careless glance or another.

Raito relaxed slightly as he replayed L's behavior in his mind. There were openings, weaknesses. It was not impossible to take advantage of the situation.

* * *

"Is Yagami wondering why he's here at this moment?" L asked innocently, sipping his tea as he watched the sullen brunet's face.

Raito glanced around the nearly deserted cafe before deigning to answer, remaining perfectly composed on his side of their small corner booth. "That question could be taken any number of ways," the other boy said neutrally, paling amber eyes wary.

_**No**__, I do __**not**__ want Kira to come out right now_, L thought firmly. "I think you know what the usual repercussions would be for your breach of conduct. But I'm willing to be generous."

Those fierce eyes narrowed, pinning him with a look not unlike a predator aware that he was being deliberately taunted with something delectable. "Oh?" Raito prompted, impassive tone belying his focused eyes.

"Yes. I will permit your continued existence...so long as you accept my terms and obey me. **I** will be your law."

The brunet's jaw clenched, eyes shifting away briefly before returning to stare into his once again. "Stop dragging this out and say it already."

"First of all, I think you're already aware that you will not be permitted to act against me ever again. You will be under constant surveillance, no matter where you are. If you try to do so, I will take that as rejection of these terms and our agreement will be null and void. Second, you will do everything that I say. Third, you are not to go anywhere without my permission. As with my first condition, the consequence is the same for any violation."

Raito was scowling by the time he finished. "I don't have any choice, do I? I must agree or die."

L shrugged nonchalantly, although he was rather relieved that the other boy had not immediately rejected the conditions. "Essentially. But there's one more issue on which I'll require your compliance."

His former captor stiffened, immediately on the defensive. "What else?"

"You'll need to give me my phone back, as well as turning over any Death Note in your possession to me." L held his breath, waiting.

Raito's amber eyes widened, color darkening towards their normal burnt amber. "But...Ryuuzaki, there's a...I have a problem." Saying the last seemed to gall his companion greatly.

"A problem? What do you mean?" He couldn't help that his tone was slightly snappish. What problem could there possibly be?

"You're aware of the shinigami. The shinigami of one Note will slay me if I do not make Misa happy, and the other, my shinigami, plans to take my life when I give up _his_ Note. It's part of the bargain."

"_Raito!_ " he exclaimed angrily, clenching a hand around his teacup. In his helpless anger, he had slipped and used the other boy's first name in a familiar fashion again. But to think that Raito had made such a stupid bargain with a supernatural entity that could not be defeated! The knowledge made anger surge within his usually stoic heart. _How the hell am I to save you __**now**__, you prideful fool?_

Raito glared back, leaning forward aggressively. "I was bored! What does it matter?" The brunet raked a hand through his bangs. "Just what was I supposed to do? Put out a personal ad? 'One genius seeks another for companionship. Very bored. Please come soon.' Yes, I'm **certain** that would have worked **so **well." His friend sneered at him, leaned back, and crossed his arms.

L felt oddly touched. Raito had desired companionship? Could he believe that? But Raito's bitter jest struck home. If not for the Kira investigation, he and Raito would never have met each other.

But the shinigami issue. That was not easily solved. "Very well, the fourth condition will be suspended until a solution can be found. Do you accept everything else?"

"Why not? Anything is better than death, isn't it?" Kira's eyes were probing his face, trying to get under the skin.

"Good. Let's go." The phrasing did not make him happy. But then, when had he ever expected Raito to do or say anything that would make him _happy_? There was no chance of that happening.

And yet...he couldn't let go.

* * *

Raito did his very best to drive L insane in a dozen small ways over the next week.

He touched Matsuda unnecessarily just to see the detective hunch over even more, posture tightening with irritation. He made sure to make sensual, stroking motions with his fingers when he placed tea or treats before L. Every chance to press too close, to touch the dark-haired boy, he _took_, seeking the advantage. His special delight was to watch L's eyes glaze over with desire when their faces were too close. L had even begun gnawing on his fingers excessively when he thought no one was watching.

Raito smiled to himself as he recalled._ Oral fixation. We'll take care of satisfying that very soon, Ryuu._

Very soon, something would give...and it would be in _his_ favor. Would it be today? He had been watching L surreptitiously all afternoon, and the detective seemed incapable of remaining still for any period of time, shifting constantly between one awkward sitting position and the next.

L suddenly sighed explosively, breaking Raito out of his musing, and called Watari over. The other task force members paid no mind, but he watched closely as L murmured something into the older man's ear. From Watari's body language as he straightened, the older man did not approve, but he moved off purposefully anyway.

Within minutes, Watari was at Raito's side, leaning down to speak softly into his ear. "L will meet you in room 515. The code is 264753. You will go to the specified room in seven minutes, and he will follow sometime thereafter. You are to wait in that room for him."

Raito blinked in surprise, but was excited that something had _finally_ changed. He would no doubt have his opportunity to manipulate the situation to his liking very shortly. As he glanced up, he caught Matsuda watching him with curious eyes. Caught, the young man blushed, but Raito smiled at him meaningfully before turning his gaze back to his computer screen.

At seven minutes, he rose and stretched, walking casually towards the door. _This had better be interesting, L, _he thought at Ryuuzaki's back.

* * *

L fidgeted the next five minutes after he had watched Raito leave the room, barely able to stand waiting. Nothing was working out the way he had planned. The whole point of this meeting would be to drive home to Raito just **who** was in control now. The brunet didn't seem to realize that he no longer held any cards.

He lunged to his feet and stalked out of the room, heading purposefully for 515. His shoulders tightened in preparation for the confrontation, and he was aware that there was a distinct possibility that they would come to blows. Their disagreements always seemed to end up being physical.

L punched in the code and pushed into the room, glancing around as the door closed behind him. Raito was lounging in the chair in the corner, looking very self-possessed and...sensual. The top two buttons of the other boy's shirt were undone, and his amber eyes were like liquid honey, their gaze coating him with a close and constrictive warmth. It made him feel oddly...threatened. Uncomfortable.

_Remember, **you're** in control now. Not Raito._

"So what is it _this_ time, Ryuu?" Raito murmured silkily, one graceful hand gesturing vaguely with languid grace. "Shall we have tea?" Watari had indeed set up a tea tray on the table between the two chairs in the room. When he didn't answer, Raito straightened, pouring tea into both cups with a calm, steady hand. Without pausing, he spooned a decent amount of sugar into one of the cups, stirred, and offered it to L.

L reached out and took the cup hesitantly, disliking the tone of their meeting even more. "Do not imagine that you will be able to do anything here...Yagami." He took a quick sip of his tea and backed several steps to put it down on the bedside table, never taking his eyes from the brunet for a moment. He would not make _that_ mistake again.

He moved closer until he was looming over Raito, waiting for his arrogant counterpart to set the teacup down. As soon as that was accomplished, he found his hand reaching out to clench in his companion's hair, forcing that head back so that he could see the perfect face. "Don't imagine that you're in control of anything," he breathed as he leaned down, face very close to that of the other boy.

"Will hurting me make you feel stronger?" the brunet asked with a slight smirk, eyes gleaming with barely concealed amusement. Those eyes wandered down to his lips, then lifted to meet his hard gaze again. "I didn't mean to hurt you so much," Raito whispered, expression twisting with something that approximated sadness or regret. Fingers reached up towards his face, but he jerked away before they could connect.

"I don't want your filth touching me," L ground out raggedly, trying to keep his former captor at arms length. But fine tremors were beginning to work their way through his body. _Control, control, __**control**__._

There was a way to show Raito that he was not allowed to be in control. It was simple. Why hadn't he thought of it? After all, the same technique had been used on him. "I think I'll use you," he rasped out, giving the other boy a little shake.

Raito peered up at him, hands freezing, expression caught somewhere between wary and half contrite.

"Do it," L commanded, seizing one of Raito's uncertain hands and laying it on the fastening of his jeans.

The other boy's expression was suddenly haughty and cool. "I don't think--"

"Death?" L prompted, fist tightening in the back of Raito's hair warningly.

A myriad of expressions flashed across the brunet's face, but none of them were decipherable. "Very well." Deft fingers opened his jeans easily, pushing them down with his underwear...and then hesitated. "I've never--"

L jerked his supposed friend's face close to his semi-arousal. "I had barely kissed anyone before you made me do this. You have nothing to complain about. This is only the slightest bit of what you deserve."

Raito's expression was shuttered and still as the other boy touched his nakedness lightly with cool fingers, branding him. He suppressed the gasp that wanted to escape and remained determinedly stoic, gaze remaining fixed on his partner. As soon as that mouth opened ever so slightly, he took advantage just like his captor had and pushed himself into that wet and welcoming place. His pleasure spiked, surprising him, and he almost moaned before he choked on it.

The other boy made a startled sound, trying to move back a bit in response, but he wouldn't allow it. "Take it, Yagami. Didn't you like this so much?" He would enjoy taunting Raito, he knew it.

Slowly, that mouth began to draw on him, tongue stroking tentatively. L fought against the almost irresistible urge to close his eyes, and his knees began to shake slightly. _Dammit, __**dammit!**__ I don't know if I can do this._

Those eyes glanced up into his, resentful – and then widened slightly at something they saw before filling with a sly satisfaction.

_What is he looking at?? What has him so pleased?? _He frowned down into those eyes, trying to seem completely unaffected – until Raito's mouth suddenly did something unbelievable to him and he gasped, his legs nearly failing to support him. Suddenly the other boy's hands were gripping his hips, and that mouth was consuming him, aggressively working his flesh.

L struggled fiercely with his will, feeling that he was steadily losing his internal battle. The pleasure battered him and chopped over the seawall of his control in forceful rushes, destroying his composure. He would not ask Raito to stop! He would...he would..._win_...

_**CONTROL.** _He tightened his fist in the brunet's hair again and tried to focus on thrusting into the devil's sweet, silken mouth. It was nearly impossible to maintain the concentration necessary for this. How had Raito...?

The onslaught intensified, and he couldn't control his harsh panting, even if he could suppress most of the other sounds that were trying to burst free. He felt Raito move and found himself pushed back against the nearby wall, his former captor on his knees before him. At least it was easier to remain standing this way, but...

Before L knew it, the peak of pleasurable torment was upon him, and only the pressure from Raito allowed him to remain standing as his will gave out. His body bowed and shook like a slender limb in a strong storm wind, and he found he had closed his eyes, completely taken by the feelings that were raging through his body. It felt as if his body were about to snap under the strain of Raito's avaricious mouth, giving the other boy all it had. Why did he have to feel this way with _this_ person, of all people?

As the waves of his orgasm subsided, he became aware of the possessive fingers digging into his hips, the lips that teased the flesh of his naked thighs. He gathered himself mentally, attempting to regain the steely determination he had felt only minutes before.

L suddenly felt clothing sliding against his sensitive flesh and jerked, eyes opening to find his companion standing before him, leaning in to taste and tease the vulnerable skin of his throat, the curve of his neck. "Rai...Yagami, what are you doing? I did not tell you to do this." He was disappointed to find that he sounded winded rather than firm.

"Can't I kiss you at all? It has been such a long time since we did this..." Those heavy-lidded eyes met his, warm and almost affectionate.

When he opened his mouth to answer, Raito's lips covered his and drew him into a deep kiss, taking advantage of him before he could blink. L fought against the feeling that he had _missed_ the kisses, the warmth of being touched. The feelings hurt. He didn't want to be taken by them again. Bare flesh suddenly touched his and he broke the kiss, glancing down in surprise.

Raito had managed to unfasten his own slacks and push them down, and of course L's were already around his ankles. One of those devious hands was already sliding past his lower back, seeking. It was the other boy's arousal pressed against his own that had alerted him.

"No, we're not doing this," he ground out, pushing his traitorous friend away with a well-placed shove to the chest. "I've concluded my business with you, and have no further use for you at this time." He quickly drew up his underwear and jeans, straightened his clothing out, then turned to go, ignoring the amazed look on Raito's face.

"Ryuuza--"

L closed the door in Raito's face and hurried away. He would have to keep in mind some way to restrain the other boy...if he ever needed to do this again. But he didn't want to do it again. He probably wouldn't. It was...disturbing.

Hopefully the dreams would stop now that he had faced his demon.


	8. Closer

**A/N: I am _so_ sorry. That was a terribly long time between updates. School was having its way with me, however. But now, more fic! I laughed myself silly writing this chapter. XD Maybe that's not such a good thing....! Please take it with a grain of salt and don't hate me!  
**

* * *

Raito stared indignantly at the door that had just closed in his face, frozen in disbelief. Didn't have any further _use_ for him...? A flash of rage dispelled his shock and he slammed his fists against the door, snarling an unintelligible curse at the detective.

"How dare you," he muttered in a low, deadly voice. "How _**dare**_ you!" He wanted to scream out threats, but he knew very well that the room was probably bugged six ways to Sunday.

Raito tried to breathe deeply, to think calming thoughts, such as having a mental re-enactment of the first time he had taken L. _I have yet to make you __**cry**__,_ he thought coldly, fists tightening where they rested against the door.

Humiliating. That L would speak to him in such a manner, _reject_ him in such a manner! It was not to be borne. _Oh, you'll certainly accept me, L,_ he thought darkly, glaring sightlessly at the door.

He straightened and slowly moved to retrieve his undergarment and his slacks, grinding his teeth as he was taunted by the extreme arousal that L had left him with. He had been fantasizing about parting those thighs and working his way into L's vulnerable center again just when he'd been shoved away and spoken to so dismissively.

_If I would kill you for something, this would be it._

He drew his clothing back on, trying to will the desire away, but he was so aroused that it _hurt_. He couldn't believe the strength of his desire for the detective. And to think that he'd actually been courteous enough to _swallow_, too.

Raito resisted the urge to smash the tea set and trash the room. He would not bash the lamps into the walls. He would be restrained, and he would wait for his vengeance. Sadly enough, L was the only thing that could compromise his control in such a fashion.

Only two things mitigated his rage at the way L had treated him. When he had looked up and seen not gloating, but desire, parted lips and a flushed face tipped down towards him..._that_ had changed the situation completely. There was also the fact that L had practically run out of the room to avoid being touched by him.

There was no doubt that he had something to work with._ I can still put you in a stupor with my lips and hands, oh **great** detective._

After he was finished dressing, he stood motionless before the door, hands clenching and unclenching, considering his options. There was only one safe and easy place to release this sexual energy that L set to raging within him.

* * *

Raito grimaced as he removed his shoes in Misa's foyer, largely ignoring her fluttering delight. "I need something from you, Misa."

"Anything, Raito-kun! What can Misa do for you? Are you hurt?" Her concerned eyes peered up at him.

"Just go and lay down on the bed," he replied brusquely. "I've been thinking about you all day, Misa. I want to touch you." A blatant lie, but it didn't really matter. Anything he said seemed to sound golden to any girl he said it to.

She blushed a deep shade of pink. "Raito-kun! Just...let Misa get changed so that she's pretty-pretty?"

"No, really, there's no need." He grabbed her hand and led her into the bedroom, pressing her down onto the bed. Checking his watch discreetly as he undressed her, he engaged in five tedious minutes of foreplay before he undressed himself and put on the condom he'd had in his wallet. This was all he needed.

Raito closed his eyes, imagining L's dark insomniac gaze tangling with his, their blankness an attempt to disguise the fear in their depths. "It's all right," he whispered to them, pressing in slowly. Nails bit into his shoulder blades and he gasped with L, feeling the thrill of triumph as the watchful eyes slid closed in surrender. His to take. His to hurt. His to _break_.

He withdrew and drove back into that fragile, pale body as hard as he could, relishing the way the detective flinched, yet still opened to him for more. "I'll break you, _break_ you and put you back together around me," he growled, thrusting harder, faster. "You've always wanted this. How dare you resist me...humiliate me..._you_..."

From far away, Misa's voice asked him a question, but he ignored it, his focus deep inside of L's body. Plunging, _plunging_, _**diving.**_ His essence would diffuse throughout the other boy's body, corrupt his blood.

_I want to stay here inside of you, lodge myself so deeply that you can't tear me out without destroying yourself. __**Yes**__, bury all the hooks I have at my disposal into your helpless flesh...and jerk them so that they'll set._

Fists beat weakly at his shoulders. A grin split his face. _That's not enough to deter me, L. You have no choices here._

The end of his endurance came suddenly and his body jerked sharply. He clung to L, gasping harshly, growling, "Ryuu, _**Ryuu!**_" at the very last. He could barely breathe. The throbbing continued for a moment as he lay there, complimenting the pounding of his heart.

The scent of perfume disturbed his moment of peace. And then the feel of softness beneath his head, and silky hair brushing his cheek instead of the expected feathery locks. Reluctantly, he raised himself up on his elbows and opened his eyes.

Misa was staring up at him as if she had never seen him before, expression petulant and betrayed. "Raito-kun was rough...and _mean_. And called for 'Ryuu'." She hit him on the shoulder again. "You bruised Misa! And hurt her...it hurt."

He smiled, doing his best to look apologetic. "Ah...I apologize, Misa. I told you that I've been longing for you."

"Ryuu??" she prompted angrily, glaring up at him.

"_Ryu_. That's...my pet name for you. My little dragon. It's embarrassing, so I had hoped to never let it slip out. You don't mind, do you?" He gave her an embarrassed look.

She didn't appear convinced. "You were mumbling into my chest, and you sounded angry. What was that all about?"

"Misa..." He gave her a quelling look. "Don't you realize how tiring it is to be Kira? My mind never rests. Of course I'm muttering to myself about the injustice in this world, and I can't rest even for the few moments that I steal with my...Misa."

She gave him an uncertain look, pushing his arm out of the way and slipping out of bed. She didn't look at him as she put her clothes back on, so he took the opportunity to get back into his own as quickly as possible.

He had left a note for L that he was going out to get cake, and so he would bring back some inferior cake for his warden. With luck, he would only have been away for forty-five minutes or so. He was damned if he would _ever_ admit that he'd needed to sate his desire for L somewhere.

"I'm sorry, Misa, I have to go."

She was still a moment, her back facing him. "What was that fake name that L was using before?"

Raito tensed, grateful that she wasn't looking at him at that moment. "It was Ryoga Heiki."

Misa turned to look at him then, expression doubtful. "Are you sure? Wasn't it Hideki something? Something famous--"

"No," he said firmly, heart speeding up again. "Why do you even ask? It was definitely Ryoga Heiki. You know that my memory is perfect." Was he feeling...anxiety on L's behalf?

Misa didn't have a Death Note currently. He had both Notes in his private box at the bank. But couldn't Rem still access the Note and write L's name down? Despite the fact that the shinigami would die for doing something on Misa's behalf out of love, he wouldn't put it past the repulsive creature.

Could he have access to a Note one last time to write Misa's name down...? If Rem was forced to take action to preserve Misa, Rem would be neutralized, and...

Raito had the horrible urge to burst into maniacal laughter; he smiled reassuringly at Misa instead. "I'll see you soon, Misa. But I have to get back to what I was doing."

He took his leave and excused himself as decorously as possible, but was quite relieved when he left her to retrieve cake for the ungrateful, defiant bastard who had become his _law_.

_My **law**, are you, you arrogant prick? We'll just see about that. **You'll** be the one on your knees before **me**._

* * *

L forced himself to return to the room of operations after his little rendezvous with Raito, but found it very difficult to remain calm and focused. He felt as if he were still naked; as if everyone could see his nakedness.

Watari was at his side before he realized it, setting before him a small crystal bowl filled with Belgian chocolates. As the older man set the bowl down, he murmured, "Did your meeting go well, sir?"

"It went...reasonably well," L replied awkwardly, refusing to meet Watari's gaze. Except that he hadn't handled the end very well. He had been terrified that if he'd stayed any longer, he would have ended up on the bed or the floor, Raito's lean body bowing and playing his.

Something in his throat tightened at the thought, and there was a stirring low in his body. _You __**don't**__ want that,_ he reminded himself. A memory floated to the surface of Raito's mouth moving, speaking, telling him that he was beautiful. _No, I'm __**not.**__ You're always lying. Nothing you say is the truth._

It had choked him to speak cruelly to the brunet, to humiliate him and slam the door in his face. He knew that he would pay for doing so. The other boy would be absolutely furious, massive pride bruised and bleeding. But what choice was there when his body was responding again, when his will was faltering? He could certainly not allow Raito to have his way.

"Is that so?" Watari asked softly, expression concerned.

L cursed himself when he realized that he had slipped completely into his own thoughts while Watari was standing right there, looking closely at his face. What had the small motions of his facial muscles been revealing to Watari, to Raito??

"Yes, everything is going according to plan," he replied calmly, stuffing a few chocolates into his mouth.

Just then the door opened, Raito sauntering through with something that looked promisingly like a cake box.

L focused on the box instead of the person carrying it, as he knew how he ought to feel about the cake. _Poisoned? Unlikely. I'll stay within range of Watari and the others for a few hours after I have some, just in case._

Raito came right over to him, dropping the box on the table before him as if it were a dead animal. The other boy's expression was condescending and cold, a slight sneer lurking about that passionate mouth. The sight of it twisted L's insides slightly, confusing him. He hadn't seen a look quite like this from Raito in ages.

"There you are, Ryuuzaki. As promised, cake." Kira's eyes roamed over L's face, gaze like a scalpel searching for the perfect place to split the skin.

L shifted uncomfortably despite himself, glancing into the cake box through the small cellophane window in the top. It looked like a generic, store-bought cake that had been made a day or two ago. There was absolutely nothing special about it.

The clenching in his chest returned to haunt him, and he slowly looked up again to meet Raito's gaze against his will. "Thank you, Yagami," he said slowly, tonelessly.

"My..._pleasure_," Raito replied, baring his teeth in a disturbing mockery of a smile. With that, the brunet pivoted on his heel and returned to his workstation.

Matsuda's computer was set up beside Raito's, and the idiot leaned over to comment on how kind it had been of Raito to bring cake.

_Yes, how __**kind**__,_ L thought bitterly, staring at the cake with a sense of loss. It made no sense. Why did he feel this way? Of course his former captor was immature enough to bring him a pathetic cake in retaliation for earlier. But where else had Raito been?

As Kira had stood glaring down at him, he had smelled _perfume_ for just a moment.

* * *

Raito made certain to wait until L had begun eating his breakfast to interrupt him. As L opened his mouth to take a second bite of the cinnamon bun before him, Raito loomed over him, staring down at the top of that dark head with his full intensity.

L paused, slowly glancing up. "Yes?"

There was no one else in the room yet as it was still too early, but there were always microphones. Raito leaned down to whisper in L's ear, ignoring the detective's slight flinch. "If I'm allowed, I will go and retrieve your cell phone for you. I should also see Misa in some attempt to resolve half of the shinigami issue."

L pulled back, dark eyes expressing irritation that was readable only by Raito or Watari. "No Misa. At all." It was a direct command. There was no other interpretation.

He smirked, remaining bent over so that their faces were close, keeping his voice very low. "Oh? And why is that? Are you jealous..._darling_?"

Those obsidian eyes flared with anger, surprising Raito. "I should think it would be obvious, Yagami," the detective hissed. "Why should I allow you to meet up with someone who has provided so much _assistance_ to you?"

Raito leaned in closer, amused as found himself having to compensate for the other boy's recoil. "You've been getting on my nerves lately," he whispered into L's ear, sliding an arm across his friend's prominent shoulder blades. "But you should get used to my meetings with Misa if you're not going to be a better fuck than she--"

Like lightning, L's hand lashed out and cracked across his cheek, forcing him to stagger backwards. Raito stared into the black eyes that spat fire at him, amazed. He touched his own burning cheek, and tasted blood from where his teeth had cut the inside of his mouth.

"Don't even presume to speak to me that way, Yagami. I owe you _nothing_, and you well know it. You're the one who owes _me_. You are never short on nerve, are you?" That typically cool, flat tone was vehement and full of leashed force.

Perhaps that hadn't been the best thing for him to say to L. But he couldn't resist provoking and tormenting the detective. And perhaps if he kept pushing that button, he would get what he wanted. As he studied those eyes, he was reminded again of how beautiful L was when he was expressive. So he said so. "You're at your most lovely when you're expressive like this."

L glared at him as if he were insane, then turned back to his cinnamon bun. "You have permission to get the phone, but you will be observed. No detours. Now get out of of my sight. You're making me sick, and I'll be very angry if I can't finish this cinnamon bun."

_That's nothing to how angry I was when I couldn't finish, **period**, you prick, _Raito thought acidly, turning at least he had his excuse to go to the bank and write something in the Death Note.

* * *

As soon as Raito left, L stopped pretending to pick at his cinnamon bun and covered his eyes with one hand, tucking his face into his updrawn knees. He hadn't been lying when he'd said that he was feeling sick. Being touched by Raito while his strings were being jerked, being classified as an inferior _fuck_, especially when compared to Misa...and that, of course, told him that Raito _had_ been intimate with Misa yesterday, just as he'd suspected.

He wasn't certain which made him sicker – being called sexually unsatisfying by his rapist, or knowing that Raito had been contaminated by Misa. It was bad enough to observe all of the faux-affection Raito exhibited towards Matsuda, but _sex_ was...

L began chewing on his thumb determinedly, welcoming the pain as a distraction from the rapidly escalating disturbance and emotional discord within him. Raito was out of control; not under his control at all. He had to do something. Today. He would order Watari to set up a meeting, and he would bind and blindfold Raito and do his best to hurt and humiliate him. Much as it wasn't his forte, he had to do _something_.

But was he playing into Raito's hands by doing so? Surely his former captor couldn't predict that L would be aggressive and hurtful. Or could he? Did Raito desire even that from him? To be bound and abused by him? He rapidly wiped the images from his mind, too aware of the effect they were having on him.

_I'm __**sick**__,_ he thought glumly. But if he was sick, Raito was most certainly much sicker. Deranged, even. But feeling satisfied with comparing himself to Raito was a major concern in and of itself. When had the brunet begun to seem _normal_ to him??

It was as if his friend had found some heretofore hidden and latent side of him – a side that would have been better off remaining buried and unknown.

He heard the door slide open, and jerked his head back up, snatching his cinnamon bun as if his life depended on it. Watari was already looking at him as if concerned, however, which never boded well for him.

"Sir? What's amiss?" Watari's voice was reassuringly kind but firm, as always.

"Nothing," he replied with studied nonchalance. "Why would you think that anything was amiss?"

Watari set down the coffee decanter he was carrying on the nearest desk, approaching L. "Something has been wrong ever since you returned, even though you will not confide in me. You have also never remained out of contact with me before, which I found very distressing. I had begun to fear the worst. Even though I have been with you for so long, sir, there are still matters with which you will not trust me." The older man's expression was weary and saddened.

L felt the unwanted ping of guilt and hunched his shoulders a little more. "Watari, it's not...it's not that I don't trust you. It's just that some things cannot be shared. You understand that, don't you?"

His assistant's gaze scrutinized him, sharp and dissatisfied, but also discouraged. "No, I don't understand, sir. All I know is that it has something to do with Yagami-kun."

"But you're not here to question me," L gently reminded Watari, hating himself for the wall that he was building between them by doing so.

Watari stiffened slightly, returning to retrieve his tray. "You're correct, of course. Forgive me for intruding, sir." The man who had always been L's caretaker busied himself at the table that had been set aside for refreshment, setting up the morning's coffee.

"I'll need to meet with that person again, Watari. Today. And please provide...no, never mind. Just have it ready and coordinate it to occur early this afternoon. It doesn't matter what time."

Watari's disapproval was palpable in the long, silent pause before his response. "Of course, sir."

L flinched internally, but he wouldn't allow anyone to discourage him from training Raito. It was the only way to keep the other boy alive.

* * *

As soon as Raito reached the safety of the bank's privacy room, he flung open the safe deposit box. L's cell phone was dead since it hadn't been charged recently. No issue there. He tucked it into his pocket. Beneath it lay both Death Notes. He lifted them out gently, smiling to himself.

In his own Death Note, he wrote Misa's name, then the sequence of events: that someone in Misa's agency released all her personal information out onto the internet, that several people with homicidal tendencies saw it, and that one of them would kill Misa. He left the specifics as vague as possible, hoping to give the Death Note more room in which to work. It would be so perfect if events actually went his way.

Raito briefly considered tearing the page out to cover his tracks in case L gained unexpected access to his box, but he had no way to securely hide it where it would not be discovered. He was also certain that he had shaken his surveillance before making his way to the bank, so L still wouldn't know where to look for the notebooks. The false name he had chosen was just as ambiguous as the one he had rented the apartment under, but utterly unconnected to anything else.

He was also quite confident that said surveillance would never confess to L that the target, himself, had temporarily been lost. L, still remaining naïve in some ways, would likely not suspect that such would occur without his knowledge. But Raito knew that most people would never confess a failure to an employer. So that was one less thing to be concerned about.

Unfortunately, even if things with Misa went perfectly, he still had Ryuk to worry about. The shinigami would likely only laugh if Raito tried to offer part of his lifespan and L's, considering that Ryuk could take however much of it he wanted, whenever he wanted it. Even if Raito came up with another plan, he would have to keep it a secret from L; the detective would never sanction anything that involved the Death Note or its continued usage.

Frowning, he replaced the Death Notes in the safe deposit box and closed it up. He would just have to come up with another idea.

* * *

L tried to pretend that he wasn't immediately alert and focused on Raito when the other boy strode in. Raito detoured to the refreshment table and made himself a cup of coffee at a rather leisurely pace, gazing at the spread of food on the table as if considering a sandwich or a bagel.

_**Please.** You don't care about bagels. Stop dawdling already. _The delay was chafing upon his nerves to a surprising degree. Who cared if Raito stared at bagels all day long? He could choke on them for all L cared.

Eventually, Raito pivoted and began to stroll casually his way, in no apparent rush to reach him. Those eyes weren't even on him – they were occupied in returning a convincing smile to Matsuda.

L felt his jaw clench._ He's doing this deliberately. But I don't have to allow the provocation. _He went back to paging through the useless statistics that he held in his hand, never bothering to read them. It was laughable, considering that Kira was right before him. If only the others knew what he knew. On second thought, he was glad that they didn't. No one needed to know the things he knew about Raito. Or about himself, for that matter.

"Ah, you look as if you're deep in thought, Ryuuzaki. Shall I return another day? I have the item that you wanted."

That warm voice melted over his thoughts like caramel, forcing them to grind to a halt. He glanced up at Raito. "Good." He gestured discreetly for Raito to lean down.

The other boy slanted him a perplexed look, but complied.

L reached up as if to cup Raito's ear, but jerked a lock of his hair sharply instead, satisfied to hear the pained intake of breath from his former captor. "I have business with you this afternoon. Watari will give you the details." He released Raito's silken hair.

He hated the way the brunet short-circuited his brain. One way or another, he had to end their charade, their game. Otherwise...otherwise, he could be the one to lose. If the current trend persisted... Much as it galled him to admit it, he _would_ lose.

Raito straightened, expression annoyed. "Indeed." With that, the other boy returned to his workstation – and to Matsuda's cloying affections.

_This time...this time, I'll show Raito clearly, in a way that he understands._


	9. Harder

**A/N: At last, more Death Note fic! I have slacked on homework to write this chapter, so I hope everyone enjoys it! :) As always, thank you for the reviews! I go back and read them to convince myself to write when I want to sleep! **

* * *

Raito made his way back to room 515 on schedule, trying not to feel either hopeful or irritated. If this was going to be a repeat of the _last_ meeting they'd had, he didn't want anything to do with it. L could take care of _himself_.

He stopped in front of the proper door, collected himself, and tapped in the code. If they didn't stop meeting like this, the other task force members were certainly going to wonder what they were up to. The very thought of discovery made him smile, for _L_ would be the one to suffer the discomfort. He let himself into the room somewhat cautiously, knowing that L was here before him this time.

The detective was standing at the foot of the bed, poised as if he had been interrupted in the middle of pacing, dark eyes wary. Raito stared back unabashedly, absorbing the sight of the other boy. This was the only place in which he could look at L for as long as he desired, and he planned to take advantage of it.

"So," Raito began, trying to take control of the situation, "what's on the agenda for today? Because if you think it's another case of dissatisfaction for me, I'm _not_ participating."

L gave him the patented wide-eyed look that gave nothing away, along with a slight smile. "But you don't _have_ any choice, Yagami. That's the crux of it, isn't it? Your mouth is moving uselessly, and I don't care about anything you have to say."

Raito inhaled slowly, deeply, trying to calm the firing of his rage. L knew precisely what to say to him to snap his patience and civility, and he could tell that it was going to be one of _those_ encounters. "Get on with it, then. Do whatever you want to do. You're boring me."

There was just the slightest tightening in that pale face.

Raito maintained his sober expression, but felt mocking laughter trying to bubble up at the reaction. _Tit for tat, __**L**__._

His former captive approached him, pulling something from the pocket of his jeans. Raito felt his brows arch in surprise. "Is that a blindfold, Ryuuzaki? My, my. What _are_ you--"

"Shut _up_," L said harshly, expression fierce. The dark-haired boy reached up and around Raito's head, positioning the blindfold and tying it securely. "You _will_ be quiet."

Raito felt his hands roughly jerked behind his back, and tried to pull away when he felt something like cord or rope being rapidly wrapped aroun both wrists. His arms were yanked aggressively, hurting his shoulders, and he allowed his hands to be tied behind his back, gritting his teeth the entire time. "I don't think I need to tell you how I feel about this, Ryuu--"

He was shoved without ceremony and had a blind moment of panic as he fell, unable to catch himself. Fortunately, he was positioned to fall on the bed, which he discovered a moment later as he found it face-first, but _really_. He was going to make L regret ever being born if things went on like this.

He found himself being unceremoniously rolled over to expose his face. He opened his mouth to speak again and found another length of cloth forced between his teeth, also to be tied behind his head. Raito was rapidly losing confidence in his ability to twist the situation to his advantage.

"Now, you're going to listen to _me,_ for once," L said in a low, angry voice from somewhere above him. "Much as it seems, I know that you are _not_ an idiot when it comes to psychology and the way human beings work. You raped me, which hurt me. You _intended_ to hurt me. As far as I can tell, our entire so-called friendship is just an excuse for you to abuse me. I don't need friends like that. You're a sociopath, and there's no rehabilitation possible. Keeping you alive means expending endless time and energy in keeping you warded and out of trouble. _You_ tell _me_ if you're making it worth my while."

There was a pause in the near-tirade, and Raito realized that he was rather amazed at L's outburst. His mind was racing with the attempt to rationalize, analyze. What had brought such a thing on? But the more he considered those angry words, the more he recalled his regrets over hurting his friend, and their last confrontation.

_I don't know how to __**stop**__, Ryuu. _

"Just what do you think I should do about all of that? I can imagine that you wouldn't be anywhere _near_ as accommodating as _I_ have been. All for the sake of this _lie_ of a friendship." L hit his chest to emphasize his point, startling Raito with the impact.

He tilted his head back and made a sound, trying to indicate that he wanted to speak. _We __**are**__ friends. You're the only person I like._

Calculate, _calculate_. What was the best way to get L's affection at this point?

"Would you tell me that you were _sorry_ if I allowed it? Or would you give me some other equally meaningless bullshit? Either way, I know it would be a lie." The detective's voice was quiet, tone almost one of disappointment or hurt.

Raito felt indignation and regret swell in his chest, but was quickly distracted from it by the unbuttoning of his pants. "I'm going to show you how it feels, Raito," L murmured, leaning in close to his face to speak. He turned his head uselessly towards that voice, looking to be touched. He had found that the other boy withheld such small touches on a regular basis, and it was beginning to disturb him. Both the longing for them _and_ the lack of them.

He tried to seem anxious at the prospect of being raped by his former captive, but really, he was utterly willing. But L didn't have to know that. What he really minded was that he couldn't see, couldn't touch, couldn't _act_. Raito tested the knot at his wrists over and over, imagining he felt some slack, some slippage. If he could wrestle free, he could have the encounter with his companion that he _wanted_.

"Why couldn't you have left things alone? Why did you have to be Kira, Raito?" Was there a bit of anguish in the deepening of that voice?

He had barely enough time to ponder that before he was suddenly slapped, startling every thought out of his head.

"You _are_ an idiot," L insisted at him, voice vehement and tense with some restrained emotion.

Raito felt his pants being dragged off as he fumed over the stinging of his cheek. The dark-haired boy was much more logical when they were arguing. What was going on in that head?

* * *

L was disturbed by the fact that he could almost read intent in the movements of Raito's head, the noises he made. It was merciful that he couldn't hear the words, which tended to wind about his mind and confuse him. The slap he had just delivered had been designed to keep that dangerous mind distracted and off-balance. He didn't need for Raito to be assessing the situation.

Equally disturbing was how very aroused he was by the sight of Raito restrained. The dark blindfold made the brunet's sensual mouth stand out even more than usual, what with those intense eyes concealed. The gag violated that mouth, keeping those lips parted and incapable of forming words. And slowly stripping the other boy and knowing what he was about to do...made the effects of his preparations all the more powerful.

He knew that his former captor wanted to kiss him. Longed for it, in fact. It was part of his joy to deny that. How quaint that Raito loved something as personal as kissing. He filed the knowledge away for later analysis.

Raito didn't look terribly distressed by the idea of being raped, aside from a token head toss or two. But he was fairly certain that his friend had never been under another man before, so perhaps it was simply overconfidence. That would fit in very well with the portrait of the boy _he_ knew.

L slowly unbuttoned and parted his companion's pressed white dress shirt, revealing the tawny skin of that perfect torso. He found it both intoxicating and nauseating to look upon that physical perfection. It was an affront to his senses, an affront to his self-esteem, and yet...to feel its owner so focused on him was a heady sensation.

Raito's body bowed very slightly upward into L's absently stroking hands, and he felt something twist inside of him. "You think you're going to like this, Yagami, but I assure you that you're not." He worked to keep his tone cool and professional.

The other boy's face turned blindly towards his voice, and he admired the way the silken hair feathered to either side of that angelic visage. _It's ridiculous how beautiful you are,_ he thought with disgust, _and how very __**rotten**__. _And yet...did he relish that combination of flavors in a human being? _Had_ to, when he couldn't leave Raito alone any more than Raito seemed capable of leaving _him_ alone. Was that truly why he was doing this? Was it really only about vengeance, or was he deceiving himself as he so loathed to do? The thought made an uncomfortable queasiness skip through his stomach, as if his whole world had tilted and slid slightly.

There was an attitude of _trust_ in the disposition of the brunet's body, the pliableness of the warmth beneath him. The way that face remained turned towards him, never denying or rejecting his presence. Something else wrenched within him, and he wanted to strike his former captor again. _Don't you understand? I'm going to __**hurt**__ you. Pretending to trust me is not going to earn you any mercy!_

L's hands clenched in the sheets to either side of his intended victim before moving to at last divest Raito of his boxers, pulling them down slowly and almost reluctantly. _Losing control. Just doing __**this**__ was losing control. _His heart was racing, thundering in his throat, and the queer ripples of sensation moving through him just from _looking_ were convincing his body that gravity was malfunctioning.

The hands continued as if they weren't his, leaving his companion completely naked and defenseless beneath him. He felt the impulse to put his mouth upon that flesh, to make Raito cry out, to taste, to _consume_, to become a part of the monster beneath him. He battered the subversive desires away from his nerves, trying to think, trying to focus on how best to torment the other boy.

Worst of all was the feeling that the brunet's body was subtly inviting his, calling him. That he would be doing something that was desired, somehow. But since when would the invincible sociopath desire anyone on top but himself? He had to be imagining it.

L took a moment to strip off his own clothing, retrieving the remaining items he needed from the pocket of his jeans before tossing the garment aside. _Don't think, just __**do**__,_ he admonished himself sternly, trying to quiet the fingers that trembled about the lubricant he had brought.

"I'm not going to make this easy for you, any more than you did for me," L said harshly as he lubricated his fingers, moving to close with Raito's body. There was a sharp intake of breath when he slowly pushed into that previously untouched place, easing his finger in as deeply as it would go before slowly withdrawing it and repeating the motion. He found himself hypnotized by watchinig the expressions that fluttered across Raito's face like shadows, the apparently involuntary movements of head and mouth. He experimented then by _thrusting_ his finger into the other boy's heat, and was gratified when his former captor gasped, back arching.

He decided to only go up to two fingers before entering, seeing as how Raito was already very excited and not having too much difficulty with the situation. He definitely wanted to make it at least _somewhat_ uncomfortable, somewhat painful. After a few patient minutes of preparation, he took the final step, carefully putting on a condom - and found that he was also quite excited. He dismissed the irritation from his mind in favor of focusing on his target, who was panting by this point.

L canted Raito's hips up to greet his entry, orienting himself and easing into his counterpart's tight heat at a measured pace. The brunet was moaning, torso twisting and arching, but hips remaining stationary, failing to complicate L's entry. Was that deliberate? Did that sick fool truly _want_ him to do this? His suspicion grew. Anger spiked through his brain, and he thrust the rest of the way in, caution be damned.

The action earned him an immediate response in the form of a loud cry from Raito, whose teeth clenched down on the gag after the outburst. A low moaning continued, however, and he felt some concern that perhaps he had injured his false friend. But wasn't it too late to change the plan? He continued thrusting, guilt melting his anger, pleasure corrupting his logic. It felt...so..._good_. Was this how Raito felt inside of _him? _The very thought of the brunet inside of him made him bite his lip in disturbance and longing.

Raito was gasping open-mouthed now, no longer attempting to control anything. Perspiration was a faint, crystalline sheen upon his fine skin, making his body glow in the room's dim light.

_I want to melt into that,_ came fuzzily through his disorganized mind, as if it were someone else's thought.

L leaned in, closing the distance between their bodies as he began to move more urgently, more purposefully. He buried his face in the damp, heated skin of Raito's neck, inhaling the scent of him like something necessary to sustaining life. The moaning of his companion vibrated against his cheek, reassuring him as all logical thought and higher faculties fled the rising tide of his arousal and pleasure. He was gasping in air as if he couldn't breathe, surely very loud in the ear so close to his lips. Thoughtlessly, he turned his face slightly to take that small bit of flesh into his mouth, to taste it and stroke it with his tongue as their bodies moved together in perfect synchronization.

Raito reacted even more, sounding desperate and close to meltdown. That silken, sensuous voice always seemed to act as an aphrodisiac, no matter what sounds it made. L plunged home one last time, pleasure cresting the critical point, and the other boy's body clenched around his, violently and repeatedly. As hands found his back, fingernails rending his flesh, he thought dimly that he'd like to record the sounds that were coming out of...Raito's...

A cold wash went through his mind as the haze of release began to recede, as his logic returned. Hands. On his back. RAITO'S unbound hands on his back. As he lay there atop the brunet, frozen, those very free hands began a slow, leisurely tracing of his back, sending shivering tendrils of enjoyment through the skin.

One hand left his back to drag the gag down, freeing that poisonous mouth. But it did not immediately speak. Instead, the head turned, neck straining slightly, and lips pressed a gentle kiss upon his temple, his cheek. Waited.

What did this _mean_? L felt panicked, looking at those lips, the free hands. How long had Raito been free? What did his former captor intend?

"Aren't you going to kiss me after all that?" Raito murmured with a faint smile, voice slightly roughened.

"Pleasing you was not part of any plan," L retorted, still staring at sensual, reddened lips. _Wanting_ them, wanting to bruise them and bite them.

GOD, what was _wrong_ with him, and what was with the wild _impulses_?

He felt a creeping warmth towards the sociopath whose body he was still cradled in. Chased it away. Felt it return. Chased it away _again_, but it was like syrup, oozing in around the corners and _sticking_. _**Stupid.**_

"Please," Raito asked quietly.

L felt shock thrum through him, unable to recall ever hearing such a word from his adversary. "Why? You already received one thing that you desired. I had no plans to please you, and yet you went and made a mess all over us. Why should I give you anything else that you want?" His voice sounded cold to him. Irritated.

The brunet was silent for a long, somber moment before speaking. "Why can't we both enjoy these encounters, Ryuuzaki? Our bodies are rather well-suited to each other."

"_Is_ it just something physical, Raito? You wouldn't ask me for anything else, I hope." He made sure that his voice was jabbing, rejecting, when in fact...he was testing.

Another silence. "I ask you for no more than we've already had, Ryuuzaki. Besides," cue the slide into arrogance and an ego the size of the planet sidling up to him, "I should think that this arrangement would be of more benefit to _you_ than me, since you have trouble with this sort of intimacy."

"Do you want the kiss or not?" L snapped. "Kisses will be reserved for rewarding good behavior."

"What am I, a dog?" Raito tossed back. "I'm already doing what you demand of me."

* * *

Raito ground his teeth in frustration and humiliation as he waited for L's reply. This affection was harder to set up and win than he had anticipated, and it stung his pride like acid. L, surely sensing something, was hammering nails into each extension of Raito's goodwill, brutally squashing every affection-seeking probe.

It stung more than his pride, somewhere, somehow, but he couldn't quite tap down the feeling. It was very unpleasant, whatever it was, and it made him feel somewhat helpless, which he despised. Being pinned under L and restrained had not done that, but having his overtures rejected and slapped down _did_.

_**This**__ is why I kidnapped you and made you my prisoner_, Raito thought narrowly, reaching to pull the blindfold down.

A hand stayed his. "Not if you want the kiss," L warned.

He ceased his attempt to regain his sight, also peripherally aware of the fact that aside from their damp bodies remaining pressed together, L was still sheathed within him, and was not altogether...flaccid. He contemplated complaining about it, but kept his mouth shut in favor of getting the kiss. Which peeved him to no end, this _asking_, this _waiting_, these conditional clauses for what he wanted.

Suddenly, he felt breath upon his lips, and his train of thought derailed completely, his attention narrowing painfully to that one stimulus. Lips finally touched his, their surface slightly rough, and he waited eagerly, trying not to surge up and claim that mouth the way he so desperately wanted to. He felt L's tongue lightly graze the inner curve of his upper lip as their mouths began to mesh, began to seal.

_GOD, god, god, god, GOD, _he thought in a frenzy, struggling with himself as he waited obediently for L's tongue to find his. When it did, it was like a shortened, wetter version of the sex they had just had, and it affected him too much. Raito embraced the other boy's offering as much as was possible, kissing back fervently, arms tightening around the body that still rested atop his. His tongue naturally sought to pin L's, sought to force the kiss back into the detective's mouth so that he could violate it and take control.

Why was he so hungry for this body, this _contact_? It was assuredly a weakness. It didn't make any _sense_. No matter what victories he managed to wrest from the detective, he always ended up needing _more_.

L suddenly pulled back, breaking their kiss without any warning. "That's enough," the dark-haired boy murmured, sounding slightly unsteady.

Raito pulled off the blindfold, eyes seeking those of his recent partner. L looked shell-shocked and flushed, which pleased him. The cessation was not for a lack of desire, then. "Would you like to cuddle?" he asked sarcastically.

His friend blinked rapidly, withdrawing, and seemed embarrassed that he had still been inside of Raito. A blush crept over that pallid face. "I think we should get back to work. You don't appear traumatized. In fact, I think you _enjoyed_ this." Those dark eyes stabbed at him, the blush rapidly fading.

"It didn't really hurt," he admitted somewhat distractedly, fascinated by the blush phenomenon. "Is it wrong that I enjoy sex with you, whatever the form? That I like to touch you and be touched by you?"

"It's just sex, and it can be done with anyone," L replied flatly, avoiding his gaze.

Now was his moment. "Frankly, Ryuu, I wasn't happy about what you said earlier. About how our relationship should only be physical. What if I want more than that?" He knew that he both looked and sounded as earnest as spring sunshine.

L had finished cleaning up, and paused in the act of stooping to retrieve his clothing, favoring Raito with a wary, wide-eyed look. "What are you talking about?"

"I want to be _with_ you. A...couple. To tell you the truth, I feel...I only feel complete when you're close to me." Yes, that sounded good.

"Absolutely not," L responded arcticly, eyes narrowing slightly. "Do you take me for an imbecile?"

"What? What's the problem?" he protested, remaining sprawled across the bed and therefore nonthreatening. "We already have sex. We usually get along well enough. Why not?"

"I do not intend to keep having sex with you!" L exclaimed, raising his voice. "You're a criminal and a sociopath! If I were ever inclined to consider anyone for such a position, it would _not_ be you. It would _never_ be you, contrary to your elevated opinion of yourself!" There was real passion in the detective's stance, in his face and voice.

_What an interesting reaction, L. This will take more time than I thought._

A quiet knock sounded at the door, and L froze as if he'd been caught vandalizing government property. "Yes, Watari?" L called out politely.

"Sir, I have some very important news for you. May I come in?"

Stark panic stamped itself across the typically inexpressive features. "_NO_, no, Watari, I will be out in a moment. Please return to the operations room and I will be along shortly."

Raito smirked, half-inclined to call out something, anything awkward. But it would be against his best interests in the long run, so he restrained himself. He was the dirty secret, no doubt about that. It might be something he could utilize later to undermine L.

"Stop lounging and get dressed," the detective said shortly, sparing only a lingering glance for Raito's nude body.

Ah, but still. _Lingering. _"Ryuuzaki. If it bothers you that much, I'm certain that you can find other ways to punish me." And in good faith, he might even bear with it once. Because he had come to feel that he owed the dark-haired boy some recompense for the suffering he had caused him.

"Is that an invitation?" L muttered with a slight indentation of the brows - the minimalist version of an ordinary person's scowl.

"Yes, but I am also your captive, am I not? You can do whatever you'd like with me."

"Indeed, as you did with me. Now stop talking and dress."

Raito complied, keeping his smile to himself. The soreness was negligible, and he hadn't minded the reversal of roles as much as he'd thought he would.

In a way, he was still the one in control. He pulled and L moved in ways he desired. Not always perfectly, but still.

Eventually, he always pulled what he wanted out of the detective, and made the two of them crash together.

* * *

L made haste back to the room they used for headquarters, forcing Raito to rush with him. He did not care what anyone would think at the moment if both of them returned together, only that Watari would interrupt him for nothing less than an emergency. Everything that had just passed with the other boy churned at the back of his current thoughts, queued to be dealt with and thoroughly analyzed later. He dismissed the encounter from his thoughts and quickly punched the code in at the door. As he entered, Raito's lurking presence followed, that awareness causing a brief wash of heat over the skin of his back, and the remembered sensation of nails biting into his skin.

Matsuda leapt to his feet as soon as he saw them. "You won't believe it, L! Misa-Misa was murdered at home by some crazy guy!" On a second glance at Raito, Matsuda clapped his hands over his mouth, seeming to realize that he had just dropped terrible news upon someone who was Misa's supposed boyfriend. "Oh, geez, Raito-kun, I'm so sorry!"

L slowly turned his head to look at Raito. The brunet looked frozen, shocked, but he half imagined he could hear wild laughter inside of that shell of reaction. He could almost _see_ that hateful, leering grin. _You did this somehow, didn't you, Raito?! When could you possibly have...! _He felt betrayed in his intimacy with the other boy, never mind that it was supposed to have been a punishment.

Raito staggered to a nearby chair, collapsing into it. "My Misa is...is _gone_?" Raito gasped out, turning lost eyes upon the collectively helpless task force. No one would meet those burnt amber eyes.

"I'm so sorry," L said woodenly, fuming inside at the deception and the immaculate acting.

"Ryuuzaki!" Raito cried, surging to his feet and into L's arms.

L cringed, arms out to his sides, unsure of what to do with a clinging, faux-traumatized Raito. It was terribly embarrassing to publicly be this close to the person he had just had sex with. He felt the act was written all over his face, every inch of his skin. He only hoped that such wasn't the case and that he was merely being paranoid.

"For goodness' sake, L, comfort the poor guy!" Matsuda blurted out, coming towards them. The idiot held his arms out for the transfer of a distraught Raito, obviously assuming that L would want to be quit of the burden.

And he had every intention of pushing the rottenness away from him and into those eager arms, except...his own arms had come up around Raito while he wasn't looking, and they wouldn't release him to Matsuda. _Possessiveness._ "I think he needs those close to him right now, Matsuda-san, but I'm sure your concern is appreciated. I will return later."

He steered his former captor towards the door, and was met by Watari. "Sir," the older man said quietly, below the hearing of those farther away, "is all...well?" That sharp gaze raked over Raito, who was attached to him much like a leech.

"Enough," he replied vaguely, moving around the older man.

He would eventually have to say something to Watari. But first...he had to find out what was going on, then interrogate the cold-hearted devil he held so closely.

As they left the room and he dragged Raito down the hall back to room 515, he fully expected a loosening of the other boy's arm where it was wrapped about his body, but no such thing happened. The brunet kept his head down, acting distraught, clinging tightly to L the entire time. He peered intently through the gaps in those bangs, knowing it was all a lie, but amazed by how convincing the act was.

He punched in the code for the door as they arrived, and cautioned Raito in a low voice, "You and I will be discussing this _very_ shortly."

His former captor's head lifted, and those hypnotic eyes gave him a look that seemed...not unhappy, but disquieted.

"Stay there," he instructed, giving Raito a slight push to force him into the room. That accomplished, he quickly shut the door and walked down the hall a ways, glancing back repeatedly to keep the door within his sight. He went as far away as was possible while still being able to monitor the door, then pulled out the cell phone that Raito had recently returned to him. He stared at it for a moment, holding it awkwardly between two fingers as was his habit, and felt that it had become contaminated with Raito's essence. With that thought, he opened it and dialed Watari, putting the phone up to his ear and allowing it to touch his face.

"Yes, sir," Watari answered.

"Tell me what happened," he said shortly.

"Apparently, sir, two men broke into Misa Amane's residence early this morning, but at slightly different times. The first man successfully gained entry only minutes before the second man, but the former died of a heart attack before he could attack Ms. Amane. The second man shot her to death, then escaped. The police located and arrested him shortly thereafter, and they say he claims that he found Ms. Amane's personal information on the internet. He stalked her for years, and says that he recently decided to kill her for failing to answer the letters he sent to her through her company. He believes that God intervened and allowed him to find that information on the internet."

"The first died of a heart attack?" L asked, thinking of the Rem shinigami that Raito had mentioned previously.

"Yes, sir."

"The odds that _two_ men inclined to murder would see that information and act upon it at the same time are..." He felt a chill clench around his heart. _When did you do it, you bastard? When did you defy me, when did you circumvent my rules?_

"Affirmative, sir. Profoundly unlikely. An extremely wild coincidence." Watari sounded as if he were waiting for a certain response.

"That sounds like a...Death Note 'coincidence', does it not, Watari? But I have had a certain person under surveillance the entire time, which _should_ have prevented access."

"Sir." A delicate pause. "If I may be so forward, I must say that I am not certain that you should be the one to maintain surveillance upon this person any longer."

L felt his fingers tighten their grip upon the phone. "What do you mean, Watari?" he asked coldly. "Do you feel that my skills are lacking?"

A brief silence. "That is not what I was implying, sir. I have known you for a very long time, and recently, when it involves that person, you are not the young man I know. I think that perhaps you are losing your objectivity where this person is concerned, and that you should consider breaking contact. It may be wise to designate someone else to perform this task."

Not to see Raito? Someone _else_ capable of keeping tabs on his sociopath? There was _no_ way. A feeling akin to panic swarmed through his body when he thought of seeing the other boy only infrequently, or possibly never again. And Raito, being Raito, would surely set out to charm his new watcher, and that person would assuredly not be as clever nor as skilled as himself. A bored Raito was a very dangerous Raito. "Absolutely not," he replied firmly, jaw clenching. "No one else is capable of keeping that person out of trouble, Watari, and I think you know that."

"But, sir...please forgive me, but you're being drawn into his--"

"I am well aware of his tricks, and I remain objective!" L exclaimed in a low, intense voice, irritation pinging his nerves. Despite his sincerity, a voice in the back of his mind whispered, _Liar. __**Liar**__._

_I can do this, _he argued back, shoulders tensing as he waited for Watari's response.

"I disagree," Watari responded solemnly.

"I am an adult, Watari, and I don't want to hear another word about this."

"I'm sure you are, sir, but I hope that you aren't considering a relation--"

"That's enough," he murmured, flipping the phone closed and dropping it into his pocket. His face felt hot, and his temper was certainly raised. He would have to wait a moment before facing Raito again.

Why couldn't Watari simply mind his own business? How much did the man know? He sincerely hoped that it was very little. Even though he had recently taken all of the cameras and microphones out of room 515, he still worried that he would slip and allow Watari access to something. He was not such a fool that he did not expect his almost-father to go poking about in the video records. Even though L took care to quickly erase anything questionable from the recordings, there was always the chance that he would be careless at some point.

Feeling relatively calm again, he made his way back to the room and let himself in. His gaze glanced off of the rumpled bed and found Raito sitting in one of the chairs. L dragged the other chair around to face the brunet, sitting down in it and drawing his feet up. He began the questioning in a conversational tone. "Misa Amane is dead, and it looks quite like the work of the Death Note. The first man died of a heart attack, the second man successfully shot Misa, but was captured fairly quickly. Convenient, isn't it?"

Raito's expression was halfway between pure innocence and somberness, lending it greater authenticity. "It is rather a coincidence."

"Raito," he intoned, leaning forward. "When did you use a Death Note? And when are you going to give them to me? I'm quite certain that you have both yours and Misa's, after all. I firmly instructed you _not _to kill, did I not?"

The other boy's jaw set with stubbornness, but his expression remained the same. "Yes, you did. And I can't give you anything yet, as I explained earlier." The tone shifted to petulance, the expression sharpening. "Unless you _want_ me dead? If so, it doesn't matter. I'm likely going to die by Ryuk's hand. Rem would have killed me had she not been distracted and forced to make a self-destructive choice. Would you rather _that _have happened, Ryuuzaki? If you wanted me dead, you should have attacked me a little more forcefully with that knife. Did you notice the scar you left when you were taking advantage of me earlier? Did you?"

"Stop it," he replied irritably, perceiving what Raito was doing but unable to bar the guilt that crept in. "You deserved more than that for your treatment of me. You're so self-righteous, so damned arrogant and conceited."

"Oohh, and _you_ wouldn't know what that was like, would you, oh _great_ detective?" the brunet mocked him, chin tilting up in challenge as those dark amber eyes glinted at him.

"Yagami, I _do_ believe you're forgetting who is in control here," he shot back coldly.

"_Am_ I?" his former captor murmured, brows arching provocatively.

Alarms went off in L's mind, warning him that he had to take action immediately. He left the chair, looming over Raito. "Yes, you _are_. I hold your life in my hands." Anxiety began to build within him at the necessary confrontation. Never, ever a good action to be forced into, this challenging and confronting of Raito.

The other boy's expression softened queerly, even though the mocking smirk remained. "What are you waiting for, Ryuu? Threats are no good if you can't carry them out. What are you saying? That you'll kill me after working so hard to preserve me?"

L froze, seeing in that face the neutralization of his power, his control. If Raito knew that he wouldn't kill him, he no longer had any way to handle his companion.

Like light shifting, Raito's expression warped into Kira's, triumphant and predatory. "I don't _believe_ that you'll do anything to me." Bold as brass, those eyes stared up into his.

He couldn't retreat. He couldn't kill the other boy. His blood froze, despite the fact that his mind was screaming, racing for a solution, a counter-move.

Slowly, Raito rose from his chair, L's proximity making it a very intimate, face-to-face encounter. The devil leaned forward as if to kiss him, but whispered against his lips, "I know what you want." Those eyes never left his.

"You don't...know...anything," he replied woodenly, overly distracted by the sensation of their lips brushing repeatedly as he formed the sounds necessary for speech.

Those lethal eyes gazed into his point-blank for another moment or two, amused and warm, but never losing their predatory quality. With that, Raito drew back, relaxing. "I'm sure you're right. I'm being overconfident, my dear Ryuuzaki, and you'd no doubt kill me in a heartbeat if it suited you. Isn't that right?" Those eyes cut to him, mocking and sly. Cuing him.

"_Yes_. Yes, I _would_," he replied firmly, feeling thoroughly undermined and exposed. The crisis had been averted by _Raito's_ choice, not his. The other boy had just informed him quite eloquently that Raito was the one in control, not himself. "You are not to use the Death Note anymore. I am quite emphatic about that, so don't misstep again."

"So you _would_ have preferred to have Rem successfully kill me instead?" Raito asked softly, gaze somber.

Sincere or not? L hesitated. "Yes," he lied, returning that gaze frankly.

Those serious eyes flickered, eyelids coming down just the slightest bit before the eyes were averted. "Of course," Raito murmured flatly, smiling just a little.

Something crumpled in L's chest, painfully compressed, and he found himself leaning in to brush his lips over the corner of the brunet's mouth in a fleeting kiss. "Yes," he said more softly against his former captor's face. As he withdrew, he was aware of those eyes considering him with just a hint of surprise flashing in their depths.

* * *

Raito couldn't help but stare when L acted so strangely. He had just been trying to reconcile the unpleasant falling sensation within him in response to that 'yes' when it was tempered by an appended kiss. There had been something strange in the detective's abyssal eyes with the delivery of that kiss, something that had been shuttered and sealed away as soon as he recognized it.

He shouldn't have pushed so hard. He _knew_ that. Panicking L was not going to get him what he desired, even if it entertained him. So a retreat had been in order. Yet he hadn't expected that 'yes' to his death, and it had affected him unnecessarily and unpleasantly. That was what had begun the entire episode - feeling that L would not care about his death. He'd had to know. Couldn't leave it alone, although he knew that 'yes' only made sense.

He had felt the need to show L just how helpless he was, just how much control Raito himself had. _Even when you're in __**my**__ body, you're under my control, _he thought smugly. He had only wanted to rub the detective's face in it, had only wanted to force his friend to give in to him. But apparently, he would have to continue with his circuitous route in order to do so.

Raito turned his attention back to the dark eyes that were silently watching him. "Ryuuzaki."

"Yes?" Wariness.

"Did you consider what I asked earlier?" He smiled engagingly at the dark-haired boy.

"No?" L prompted, expression blank.

"About...more. I mean it, Ryuu. No one could ever be as close to me as you are." As he said the words, he realized that he believed them, and his mind recycled for him the sound of L whispering his name into his ear in passion. How he had savored the tenor of it, the emotional information carried in that whisper. A relationship with L wouldn't be _all_ sham, as he would obtain something desirable out of it, too. Tying his adoring friend to him, endless entertainment with said friend, and access to lots of kissing and the best sex he'd ever had...definite advantages. The adoring part needed work, but...he had begun to _want_ the relationship and all it promised. _L_ could be the fool with the feelings involved, and Raito himself would receive ample compensation.

L shifted, looking slightly discomfited. "Raito." A brief pause, no doubt cursing the slip of familiar name usage. "We've already covered this. There's no call for it. The reason for relationships is emotion, usually love or infatuation, and neither one of us is capable of such. I also do not plan to continue having sexual relations with you, so...I really see no point in such a production. There's no benefit to either one of us."

"You don't like the sex?" Raito prompted, not believing it for a moment.

L glanced at him out of the corner of one dark eye, scuffing at the floor with a bare foot. "Hm. It's not bad, but it's also unnecessary. I could easily do without it."

"Oh, really?" he replied casually, trying not to mock or smirk.

"Yes, really. As a matter-of-fact, I think it safe to say that we're done with that. It's an insufficient means of punishment and behavioral modification, so it's useless."

"I see," Raito replied calmly. But he had to wonder...was L _truly_ serious? Could the other boy go without having sex with him in any way for the duration? He found that impossible to believe, what with those dark eyes becoming more and more voracious when they were fixed upon him. Something he was doing was _working_.

Blank eyes assessed his reaction. "Will Yagami be able to cope with that? We wouldn't want anyone else at risk to be raped."

He narrowed his eyes at L. "No, you're the only person I enjoyed raping, Ryuuzaki. Everyone else will always be willing."

The detective recoiled slightly, expression tensing with a repressed flinch. "How..._pleasant_ for them."

Raito glanced down at his fingernails thoughtfully. "For being raped, you certainly came rather quickly that night."

This time, there was an obvious flinch that he was able to catch in his peripheral vision, as well as a step back. "You're..._disgusting_. _**Sick**_. I should probably have you in solitary confinement." Tremulous tone. Intensity. Slight breathlessness.

He smiled as he lifted his eyes to that pale, tense face, meeting the angry eyes. "_I'm_ sick? I only did what you wanted. What you lacked the _courage_ to offer independently, I took _for_ you."

L looked positively _incensed_ now, with no attempt to blank it. The dark-haired boy turned without a word and left the room, slamming the door. After a moment, a faint beep sounded and a locking bolt shot home.

_My, my, so I'm being __**confined**__. _ Raito felt disappointment at his lack of self-restraint, but more than that, concern that he was going to be terribly bored while waiting for L to give in. For he had no doubt that L would be back.


	10. Faster

**A/N: As usual, there has been a painfully long delay between updates. I'm sure that you all wish me dead! Unfortunately, aside from still being very busy, I also had some serious writer's block. I hope that it will not continue. I hate it so.**

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* * *

  
**

L ground his teeth furiously as he moved quickly down the hall and away from the room Raito was confined in, biting the tip of his thumb unconsciously. _Why_ did Raito always have to be so _impossible_--

"Sir," Watari's voice said.

He glanced up quickly, realizing suddenly that the older man had been waiting at the end of hall for him. Had Watari seen anything suspicious in his behavior before speaking out? "Yes, Watari?"

The older man's expression was inscrutable. "There's evidence from the crime scene that has just been brought to our attention. I'm certain you'll want to examine it. It has already been processed by the police department, which is why we are only now receiving it."

"Where is it?" he asked urgently, moving his thumb away from his mouth.

"In the operations room with the others. They are waiting for you."

L rushed towards the room their headquarters was housed in, Watari falling in behind him. The evidence had to be something very important if it had been brought to his attention. He put the encounters with Raito out of his mind, feeling focused and determined for the first time since his escape.

He entered headquarters in a rush, noting immediately the evidence bag sitting beside his computer. Ignoring all other life in the room, he bore down upon it, pulse elevating as he saw that it held what looked very much like a Death Note. Close by was another, smaller bag that held what looked like white sand.

He opened the bag that held the notebook, carefully extracting it. Carelessly tossing the bag aside, he opened it slowly, holding it with ginger fingertips. Rows upon rows of names were in the notebook, as well as times and modes of death. "This..." he began quietly, mind racing.

They had _searched_ Misa's apartment. They had not found the notebook that he held now, nor anything else incriminating. If this was Misa's Death Note, then she had to have hidden it somewhere previously, retrieving it after the search. Or had _Raito_ hidden it for her and returned it during his recent 'conjugal' visit?

L felt his jaw clench, the pressure his fingers exerted upon the notebook increasing invisibly. The inexplicable and acidic anger that rose up from the pit of his stomach was unexpected. _Not only do you rape me, but you __**consort**__ with __Misa__ and __**betray**__ me by helping her_, he thought darkly.

_Logic. Rationality, _he reminded himself. He struggled with the confusing emotions, feeling that he was trying to bail rapidly rising water out of a sinking rowboat. Technically, Raito might have been uninvolved in this particular instance. Misa _might_ have been alone in hiding it and retrieving it. With Misa gone and Rem presumably no longer a threat...was Raito out of reasons to withhold his own notebook?

L would have to confront and challenge that frightening blend of Raito_Kira_ again in order to find out about that, as well as to ask about the mysterious white sand.

"What do you think?" Matsuda asked eagerly from somewhere behind him.

"I think...that we are very close to capturing Kira."

"When is Raito coming? I thought he'd be with you." Matsuda sounded slightly resentful. Embarrassing in a room full of professionals, to say the least.

"Why would you think such a thing? He said earlier that he wanted to be alone and rest, and I respected his wishes. He did lose his girlfriend, after all." L kept his tone cool and even, not bothering to turn around.

"Because you're...his close friend! Someone should be with him! I should go and--"

"Give it a rest, Matsuda," Aizawa complained. "It's like _you_ want to be his girlfriend or something."

Matsuda stammered desperately in response.

"That's not necessary," L assured Raito's stupid, would-be victim. "I will check on him later. I think it's best that we leave him alone for a short time."

As he had been alternately listening and speaking, he had been scrutinizing the last pages that had been written upon in the notebook. Interestingly enough, none of the names were ones he recognized, meaning that they...were not Misa's known victims.

He closed the notebook, slipped it back into the evidence bag, and sealed it. "Watari, please lock both of these up for me."

"Where are you going, sir?" Watari asked quietly.

"To think. Please don't disturb me until I call for you."

Watari's silence seemed disapproving, as if there were suppressed words of chastisement and criticism behind it.

He would have to deal with the issue of Watari's suspicions very soon. Yet another thing he dreaded, and only slightly less painful than confronting a confident Kira. But for the time being, he would confront only his own safe bed. But first...he would check on Raito, even if only to slap him again.

* * *

Raito turned over on the mussed bed, annoyed at being left to steep in boredom for the last two hours since the detective had stormed out. He stared at the clock on the wall, frowning. If L's reaction was anything to judge by, he had many more hours of boredom to look forward to.

_Stupid. Why do you always have to provoke him?_ he chastised himself.

But the answer was plain. When L always gave him the most delectable responses, how could he ever fail to antagonize him? A smile curved his lips sharply as he replayed the tremulous, excited reaction he'd observed in the dark-haired boy when he'd mentioned the night of the 'rape'. Next time...next time, he would make it so pleasant that L wouldn't be able to resist any longer. He would take the detective's body, his mind...and his soul.

But it seemed he would have to commit more resources than he had initially planned on in order to achieve his goal. What could possibly persuade his reluctant partner? L was completely his to play, no doubt. No one else could compete with him. But...still, there was resistance that Raito couldn't seem to overcome. How could his former captive sense the game that was being played?

_Game._ Raito examined the ceiling intently, arms folded behind his head as he thought. It was an awfully lengthy game that he played with L now, requiring much effort and endurance. What else did he have to do to make it go his way? He didn't want to stop playing. He wanted for the two of them to engage each other much more deeply. Snaring L until there was no escape so that there would always be this entertainment to look forward to, troublesome as it tended to be.

Well, as it should be. Life was so _boring_ without the trouble of L. Could he give up being God for the other boy? Even if he could manage to do that, there was still the issue of Ryuk...and the fact that it was nearly impossible to use the Death Note with the detective on his heels.

Raito sat up suddenly as an idea occurred to him. What if...what if he were able to _choose_ those who would use the Death Note? He could at least ensure that they would be reasonably worthy if they were hand-picked by _him_. In addition, what if he promised his shinigami that he would only choose interesting people to use the notebook, thus being useful in providing a continuous source of entertainment to Ryuk? _That_ might work. Ryuk suffered from boredom as much as he did, after all.

As for giving L the notebook that he himself had supposedly used...he could insert the used pages from his own notebook into Misa's and present it to the detective as being the one that they had both used, claiming that they had traded it back and forth and that there was no other. That would allow him to conveniently retain the one that Ryuk had 'given' him in order to fulfill his proposed bargain with the shinigami.

He laid back again, feeling relieved. At last, he had a plan of action. But first he had to have enough freedom to access and manipulate the notebooks.

Raito heard the lock of the door disengage suddenly and slid out of bed, moving quickly towards the door just as it began to open. Dark, guarded eyes peered through the two foot-wide gap at him. "Raito-_chan_, I have some questions for you," L said flatly. "But I can't seem to stand looking at your face right now."

Raito raised his hands tentatively, reaching towards L. "Ryuu, please. I apologize for what I said earlier. You hurt my feelings when you said you didn't want to be near me."

L's eyes flickered with cold resentment. "Indeed. Do you think I would believe that from a consummate liar like you? Who _would_ want to be near you if they knew what you were?"

Despite himself, he felt a flash of hurt at those words. It startled him. The taunting retort rose unbidden, hot on his tongue. _**You**__ certainly seemed to enjoy it. _But he didn't say it, perceiving the trap. "Ryuuzaki," he said softly, lowering his eyes. "I didn't realize that you despised me."

Raito felt the fluid weight of L's gaze upon him, but concentrated on looking hurt. On _exposing_ the real hurt that he felt, although it went against his every instinct. The silence stretched out, and the pressure of being scrutinized suddenly disappeared. He looked up, surprised to find that L was looking away as if trying to avoid acknowledging the hurt that he was so earnestly attempting to exhibit.

That was when he noticed that Matsuda was lurking in the hallway, barely within his visual range, looking astounded and scandalized.

"Please don't keep me imprisoned anymore, Ryuuzaki," Raito pled, voice loud enough to carry the short distance to Matsuda.

L jerked his head up, staring at Raito perplexedly before turning to look around. _Yes, you know that I'm suddenly acting for an audience, don't you?_

The detective sighted Matsuda immediately. "Please move along. This doesn't concern you."

Raito directed a pleading, doe-eyed look at Matsuda over L's shoulder, but quickly blanked it when his friend turned to glare at him suspiciously.

Matsuda frowned, moving closer. "L, why is Raito-kun in--"

The door suddenly shut in his face, leaving him alone in the gloom. He strained to hear what was going on outside, pressing his ear to the crack of the door, but he could only hear the rise and fall of voices, not the words. L's voice snapped with command, and there was nothing else to hear after that.

Raito sighed, his stomach growling as he stood there. _Please, Matsuda, at least bring someone to __**feed**__ me._

_

* * *

  
_

L stuffed donuts into his mouth with single-minded determination, trying to avoid thinking of continuing his confrontation with Raito. He'd had even more trouble sleeping than usual last night, haunted by the very convincing _wounded_ expression that he had last seen on the brunet's face. It wasn't possible to hurt that sociopath. It wasn't _possible_.

"_I didn't realize you despised me."_

How long had Raito known that Matsuda was there? The 'hurt' reaction had seemed very private and sincere. He didn't think that he had ever seen such an expression, such a _quality_ of expression, on Raito's face without it being twisted and Kira-esque.

Recent memories flashed through his mind, and he re-examined all of the seemingly sincere expressions and vocalizations that he had previously dismissed as expert acting. Did Raito actually feel something towards him? Was it even conceivable, or was he deluding himself and falling into yet another trap? The Bermuda Triangle of the other boy's lips, eyes, and hands. A dangerous nowhere place where senses failed and all hope was lost.

L shook his head and pushed the donuts aside, feeling slightly ill. It didn't help that the other task force members had been eyeing him strangely this morning, as if there were something peculiar about him that hadn't been peculiar before. Matsuda had been slanting him downright hostile looks, no doubt resenting the way that L had spoken to him last night. Such rancor was unwarranted, really, as nothing he did was anyone else's business, not even Watari's.

Unable to endure the irritation anymore, he rose and shuffled out of the room, his feet taking him to 515. He mentally fortified himself before punching in the code and entering. "Raito, if you can be civilized and offer me an apol..." The emptiness in the room arrested his movement, forcing his words to stumble to a halt. "Raito?" he called uncertainly. The room was empty. He stifled the jolt of anxiety that leapt through his body and glanced at the bathroom door. It was open and the room was dark. L flipped on the light and looked inside. No Raito.

Withdrawing, he checked the closet. No Raito. Feeling ridiculous, he even knelt to look under the bed, suspicious that the brunet was trying to trick him into leaving an opening for escape. No Raito.

Panic vibrated from his center, shivering through him with growing force from a fault line somewhere in his chest. "Raito," he murmured to the empty room, mind suddenly blank despite his desperate need to think.

L suddenly spun and bolted out of the room, pulling his cell phone out to send a quick summoning text to Watari. Watari would know what was going on. Surely, _surely_ he had moved Raito for some reason. He took several deep breaths and slowed to a walk, trying to calm his pounding heart. He couldn't hear anything when it was pounding so furiously like that, couldn't _think_.

He entered the nearest control room and sat down to wait for Watari, checking the video feeds by habit. Nothing unusual anywhere in his area, and nothing that needed to be erased, he was certain. He heard Watari enter and turned from what he was doing to face the older man, trying to appear as calm and collected as possible. "Watari. I seem to have misplaced Yagami-kun." He smiled weakly, aiming for humor.

Watari clasped his hands together before him, looking vaguely guilty. "I apologize for the unexpected change, sir. However, Matsuda-san came to me and expressed some concern about your intentions towards Yagami-san and his confinement. I have also been observing you and have had doubts as to your...impartiality. We have had no reason to continue holding that young man against his will, and regretfully...I have to disagree with your treatment of him. I took the liberty of releasing him early this morning."

A roaring began in L's ears, and he could hear nothing else. "You..._released_ him..." He felt he was gasping for air, unable to breathe. Raito, FREE. His mind raced with the possibilities. Was the brunet already on a flight to another country, where he would vanish into obscurity under another name? It could take..._years_ to find the other boy, if Raito remained cautious.

"...very disappointed to find that not only had you removed all video and audio feeds from room 515, but that the expected records were missing. Did you actually tamper with the records, L?"

The edge in Watari's typically benign voice broke through, and the roaring in his head receded enough for him to make out what the older man was saying. It provoked a twinge of shame. "I..." he began quietly, unable to justify his actions. Actions stemming from illogical reasons – based on _feelings_.

"What was it that you wanted to hide? Do I even want to know?" Watari's expression was both disappointed and pained.

L found that he was biting down on his thumb and hunching into his drawn up knees. He withdrew his thumb from his mouth and tried to hold his caretaker's gaze. Blood was burning in his cheeks as he tried to find the words to deny what he had done more than once with Raito. He opened his mouth to speak again, but nothing came out.

"I know that you were always so alone," Watari began gently, reaching out to lightly rest a hand on L's head. "But surely...we could find you someone more--"

He inhaled sharply through his clenched teeth, ducking his head away from that pitying touch. "What makes you assume that I have chosen that person for anything of the kind?"

There was a painful pause. "It has become...very apparent to me. Matsuda-san had no doubts as to the nature of your relationship with Yagami-san."

"But to...to let him _go_, Watari." L wanted to assure Watari that Raito was indeed Kira and that he was not deluded, but to do so would endanger Raito. That truth was not to be shared.

_He's gone. He's __**gone**__. _"How long ago was he released?" L demanded suddenly.

"About two hours ago--"

L shot to his feet, heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Watari demanded, following him.

"To--" _keep him from fleeing the country,_ "--apologize and try to mend things."

"Sir, you _must_ let him go--"

"_No!_" he yelled, breaking into a run. He no longer cared what Watari or the others thought. He had to stop Raito if it was still within his power. The irrational feelings had a stranglehold on him, and he found it difficult to question them, difficult to fight the way they directed his actions. They were so..._strong_.

"You bastard!" he growled under his breath as he exited the hotel, plotting out the quickest route to Raito's actual apartment. He had never been there, but he had looked over all of the brunet's information long ago.

L spotted a taxi waiting at the curb for prospective passengers and waved it over. It pulled up, the rear door opening, and he flung himself inside, slamming the door. He rattled off the address and the urgency, then sat back in the seat to wait, shoulders tense. It wasn't a long ride to Raito's apartment from this hotel, thankfully, but..._two hours ago_.

He chewed on his lip as an alternative to gnawing the tip of his thumb to a bloody pulp, clenching and unclenching his toes anxiously.

_Raito kidnapped me and held me hostage, despite the risk. Wasn't that his twisted expression of wanting to be near me? Or was it just the entertainment of the moment to make me helpless, to make me desire him just so he could reject me? Perhaps what he truly desires is to take everything away from me, to try to break me, his only acknowledged equal._

The thought curdled his stomach and made him angry. The cute, mocking little offers of a 'relationship' that Raito had been making recently infuriated him. The brunet was just taunting him, trying to deceive him, trying to catch him out. So why was he so desperate to stop his former captor from leaving him behind? It was pathetic.

"We have arrived at your destination," the driver announced, interrupting his thoughts.

L dug into his pocket and pulled out what looked to be a satisfactory amount before slapping it into the driver's hand and exiting the car as quickly as possible. He raced across the parking lot and up the stairs to the appropriate door - upstairs again? - before pausing to compose himself. An older woman tending to a plant several doors down gave him an odd look before retreating into her apartment, presumably to avoid him.

He suppressed his profound embarrassment and knocked, breathing deeply to retain his composure so that he did _not_ appear to have raced to Raito's apartment as swiftly as possible.

* * *

Raito smiled at the frantic knocking on his door. He set down the teapot he had been pouring from and went to answer in a leisurely fashion, certain of who it would be. He opened the door and was met with a tousled and breathless L, dark eyes wide, face flushed. The stress lines vanished as those eyes assessed him, scanning his entire body as if to be sure that all of his limbs were accounted for.

His world seemed to narrow to L's face and form. "Well, hello, Ryuu. How did you know that I was making tea? You're just on time."

An uncertain frown marked the pallid face before him. "You expected me?"

Raito smirked bitterly. "Of _course_ I did. You wouldn't want your precious suspect to get away, would you? I also have a goodwill gift for you." He opened the door wide, motioning the detective inside. "You should have brought Matsuda. At least he'd have a nice greeting and maybe a kiss to offer me."

Obsidian eyes shot daggers at him as their owner passed into the apartment. L paused to stand awkwardly in the middle of the living room, seeming uncertain of his welcome. He shot another look at Raito, an oddly vulnerable look. "Why don't you make your proposals for sexual favors and the like to _Matsuda_, then?"

Raito moved towards L, drawing close. "Because he bores me," he murmured, gazing intently into the detective's eyes. Honestly. Seriously. Without a smirk or a smile to detract from his words.

The frown returned, but L glanced away, unable to withstand his gaze. "So where is this so-called goodwill gift?"

"I'll go get it." Raito went into his bedroom to retrieve the recently altered Death Note from its hidden place in his closet. He hadn't had time to return the other, _his_ Death Note, so it was concealed in the false bottom of his desk drawer. Ryuk had come to harass him while he was altering the Death Note; thus he had been able to put his proposal to the shinigami. Much to his relief, Ryuk had accepted, seemingly amused...for the time being.

He re-entered the living room and handed it to a very surprised L, who took it quite gingerly by one corner before opening it and flipping through.

"But...this is..." L began, looking up at him with confusion.

"Yes, we shared this notebook. There was just this one." He lied earnestly, directly.

Those dark eyes were suspicious. "We found another Death Note at Misa Amane's apartment, along with some white sand."

"Ah, that would be Rem's notebook and what remained of her corpse. Shinigami aren't allowed to kill to prolong the life of a human."

L glanced at the notebook he held, flipping through the pages.

Raito knew exactly what the other boy was looking for. Misa Amane's name. And it was there. "You have to trust me," he said quietly. "I only did what was necessary to protect both of us. Misa would have had Rem kill you out of jealousy. I know it."

His former captive looked up slowly, gaze wary and disturbed. "I can't condone what you've done for any reason, Raito. You know that. There was no reason for Misa to be jealous."

He smiled faintly. "Oh, but there was. I called out your name when I used her, Ryuuzaki. I imagined that I was inside of _you_."

L's face flushed crimson, dropping his eyes to stare at the floor with absolute, single-minded concentration.

"I like you best, Ryuu. I've already told you. I was quite serious when I asked you to enter a relationship with me." Raito leaned close, detecting that L was trembling as he did so.

"I should...go," the dark-haired boy forced out with difficulty, looking towards the door with anxious, cagey eyes.

"That's the wrong direction," he whispered against L's neck, making his reluctant partner flinch against him. He firmly captured a wrist as he kissed L's brow, his hot cheek.

"Stop," L choked out, trying to pull away. The Death Note fell from those long fingers, fluttering to the floor forgotten.

"No," he replied darkly. "You came here for this." He forced L's head around and held that increasingly panicked gaze as he slowly opened that mouth with his, pressing in deeply. And then, quite deliberately, he closed his eyes and brought both of his hands up to cup the detective's jaw. He felt the startlement of his former captive, the confusion...and then, the slow response. He teased with his mouth, coaxing, entreating, encouraging. As the minutes passed, L's kisses became more heated, more insistent, and that spare body finally pressed against his.

Raito separated their mouths reluctantly, resting his cheek against that of his companion as his arms came about the dark-haired boy. "Ryuuzaki," he whispered. "Are you certain you have no need for intimacy with me?"

"Are you mocking me?" L retorted, the sting lessened by the breathlessness of his voice.

"No," he replied honestly. "I was hoping that you wanted me, too. That perhaps you spoke in haste before."

"This isn't the Raito I know." Caution.

"I'm trying to be honest, but I _hate_ it, Ryuuzaki." Frustration. "You can bind me. If you agree...we'll do things the way you'd like until you can trust me."

A long silence. "I'll give you one chance to show me that you can be trusted and that I wouldn't be insane to consider your proposal. Tell me why you'd want this."

Raito bit the inside of his cheek, irritated. "I don't know, I've never felt this way before. It doesn't make sense..." _You're the – the only thing that makes me feel alive._ "I'm never bored when you're with me." _I feel like...maybe...being God inside of you is good enough._ He felt his face burn with humiliation and embarrassment.

"Oh, is that all?" L asked mockingly.

"No, you idiot," Raito snapped, pulling away. "Don't make this any more humiliating than it already is. I didn't disappear, did I? I knew you'd come looking for me, and I allowed you to find me. Would _you_ like to share now?"

L crossed his arms, fingers tightening almost imperceptibly where they rested on his long-sleeved shirt. "I have nothing to share, other than to remind you that you are _not_ complying with the terms of our agreement."

"But I gave you the Death Note!" he insisted irritably, trying to probe that blank stare.

"You have not been obeying me in the least, Raito. You've been trying to circumvent my conditions at every turn. I think it's time you displayed some good behavior."

"The tea is getting cold," he murmured, turning away to retrieve the tray and the cups full of tea. As he carried it into the living room, setting it down on the coffee table, he saw L's eyes widen slightly, recognition flashing through their depths.

"That's the—" the detective began before abruptly falling silent.

"Yes, our tea set. I couldn't leave it behind, knowing how attached you were to it." Raito made his tone teasing and his smile charming, but he watched the other boy with sharp, assessing eyes, looking for any vulnerability or weakness to the sentimental gesture.

L's expression froze for a moment before melting slightly into pained disturbance. Those great dark eyes shuttered and dimmed as his former captive reflected upon something. The detective slumped even further and slowly allowed himself to sink down onto the couch, hand reaching out to take the cup of tea automatically, bringing it to his lips.

"I'll never be capable of obeying you, Ryuuzaki," Raito said quietly. "But I will comply with reasonable requests."

L looked up at him over the cup, frowning. "You must."

Raito smiled apologetically and spread his hands. "Then you know what's left." He watched the subtle play of emotions over that pale face, the conflict that L was suffering over him.

"No more killing," L said firmly, eyes narrowed.

"No, my hands will no longer be sullied with death," he agreed, bowing his head graciously. _No, not _**my**_ hands. Not directly. _He collected his cup of tea and sat down in the armchair opposite the other boy – the better to see and be seen, as well as to allow L a false sense of security. As if a coffee table was any barrier.

L sipped his tea continuously, dark eyes rising repeatedly to touch upon Raito's face before sliding away to look elsewhere.

Raito, sick of waiting for his former captive to speak, broke the silence. "I have complied with your terms. Now that I have done so, I insist that you answer me on the matter of our relationship. I'm tired of being celibate."

The dark-haired boy glared at him. "As I suggested earlier, if that's the case, perhaps you ought to preposition someone else for this so-called 'relationship' that you desire."

Raito suppressed the hot prickle of his irritation, the urge to flare up at his obnoxious companion. "I'm interested in good conversation in _addition_ to physical intimacy. You seem to be one of the few people capable of providing such."

"Perhaps. If you come back to headquarters with me and behave yourself according to my expectations, I'll consider it."

Raito gritted his teeth. How was it possible for L to regain his composure so quickly? He knew how to dispel it, but forcing the issue here and now might forfeit everything that he was working to achieve. "Fine, I'll continue playing along...for _now_. But I will have my freedom, and the ability to come and go when and how I choose. No more of your absolute control."

L looked disgruntled at the thought, pausing in his obsessive tea-sipping to gnaw on the tip of his thumb.

* * *

L considered Raito's sincerity carefully as he worried at the oft-abused flesh of his thumb. Looking up into those luminous eyes didn't help his decision. Raito was not just a devil, but _the_ devil, and was capable of convincing anyone of anything when he looked like that. 'That' being his innocent, shining look that shimmered just beneath the surface of his perfect skin. _He hardly seems human, _L thought to himself, disturbed by the impression.

Raito continued to watch him, affecting a nonchalant attitude while doing so. "If you please _me_, I'll make certain that I please _you_," the brunet offered sweetly, smirking just the slightest bit.

The offer could be taken as being applicable to either behavior or intimacy – or both. L held Raito's gaze determinedly, trying not to imagine letting himself go with his dangerous companion. But if he agreed to the farce of a relationship that the other boy wanted, would it allow him to fall into those damning kisses, to relax into that seductive body without being so afraid? So afraid of betrayal, so afraid of pain, so afraid of losing himself to Kira? Raito would never, ever offer any assurances – he knew that.

"No instigating, Raito. If you go back on your word in any way, I'm done dealing with you." Even as he made it through his even delivery, he wondered if the words were true. The way he felt around the brunet terrified him and made him feel as if he were losing all control. As if the only lifeline he had was ripping through his hands and that he was a heartbeat away from falling into an abyss. Raito meant more to him than was proper, than made sense. Watari was right to say that he couldn't deal with the other boy. He played it calm and cool, but he was not the one in control.

"As you like," his former captor murmured demurely, burnt amber eyes flashing up to spear him keenly from beneath lowered lashes.

The look was flirtatious and threatening all at once, and it took his breath away and made his skin prickle with desire. _Damn you, Raito. _"Are you coming back with me today?" he prompted coolly, feigning that he had been unaffected by the raw, wolf-like expression that he had just been broadsided by. Feigning disinterest in Raito's answer.

"I might," the brunet began breezily. "Provided that you won't be hiding from me the entire time." That silken voice had just the slightest edge.

L glared into those challenging eyes. "Raito, I've never hidden from you before, and I'm not about to start."

Raito drew his fingers across his abdomen, right over the place where the scar would be – the scar that L had given him. Raito's expression had softened into something that almost resembled sadness, sadness with a tender edge.

He tried not to flinch in response, recalling well how terrified he had been when he had slashed at the other boy, and how sick he had felt when he'd realized that he had drawn blood and didn't know how serious it was. At that moment, he _had_ gone to hide in the restroom. "Aside from then," he forced out, voice slightly choked. He damned himself for giving any emotion away to the sociopath sitting across from him.

"Do you regret it?" Raito asked softly, so softly that his voice was almost a whisper. The brunet rose, casually setting his tea down, and approached until he was standing in front of L, hips very, very close to L's face.

L leaned back warily, turning his face away and trying to avoid contact. "Raito, don't--"

Graceful fingers slid across L's cheeks, then forced his head back around. One capable hand unbuttoned that flawless white shirt enough that L could see the equally flawless skin beneath – flawless but for the pink scar that cut across the flesh. "Do you regret it?" Raito asked more firmly, his other hand sliding into the back of L's hair to clench there.

L closed his eyes, unable to bear looking at the scar anymore. "I should ask whether or not you regret any of the hurts that you inflicted upon _me_." He braced himself for the inevitable explosion, and perhaps the cuff to the head that might follow. He was prepared to take whatever actions were necessary should Raito choose to abuse his person.

"I...do," Raito replied in a hesitant, roughened voice.

L was so shocked that he opened his eyes, meaning to look up at that face – but the hand in his hair pushed his face against the hips before him, spoiling his chance. "Raito, why won't you let me look at you--"

"You don't need to," the other boy replied, voice smooth and controlled once again.

L closed his eyes again, allowing his face to remain resting against Raito's warm body. Even through the slacks, he could feel the heat radiating from the body that stood so close to him. He thought it amusing that his former captor could be so passionate. So cool, so controlled, so perfect at manipulating everything around him – that was the one thing he didn't regret about the intimacy that they had shared. Intimacy had allowed L those glances into who Raito was when he was unscripted, glances into what his companion _truly_ felt.

"If you regret any of it, then why did you do it?" L asked quietly.

"This conversation isn't very entertaining," the brunet replied flatly.

He waited, motionless against Raito's body, and focused on the subtle shifting of the fingers that were still wound through his hair.

"I don't know," Raito replied finally, sounding irritated.

"You _do_ know," he insisted.

"Because I wanted to get inside of you," his former captor burst out. "I wanted to know you from the inside out."

L was astounded, even as the words sent chills through him. Something so personal was Raito's motivation? He was fixated upon something that wasn't himself?

Raito suddenly went down on his knees before L, a strange, tight expression on his face. "I wanted you to _react_ to me," the brunet breathed harshly, mouth suddenly meeting and mating with his own.

The abruptness of it sent a spike of heat flaring straight through L, scattering his thoughts like shards of violently shattered glass. He was aware of slipping away, of fumbling for his control and his cool through the waves of searing passion that Raito's mouth forced into his. He felt himself being pushed back onto the couch, felt the other boy's long, lean thigh pressing between his even as that mouth devoured all of his sanity. He turned his head away briefly, gasping, and protested, "Raito, you're not supposed to instig--"

The brunet's mouth found his vulnerable throat, working his flesh over with teeth, lips, and apologetic, soothing tongue.

"Raito, st--" L tried again, desperately attempting to block some of the sensations twisting through his body.

Raito forced L's head back around, eyes dark and consuming as they met his. Those lips found his once again, that confident, determined tongue stroking between his compressed lips to explore his mouth again. His will was no obstacle to the monster that pressed him down into the cushions so hard, hips gently keeping a slow, undulating rhythm against his.

"Stop it!" he snapped, pushing Raito off of him and onto the floor. He shot to his feet, body desperate and aching. Any further, and... L stared down at the brunet where he lay sprawled breathless on the floor, looking up with dazed eyes. "I said _no_," he repeated scathingly to that angelic face. "Can't you wait for even an _hour_? I thought that the great _Yagami Raito_ had more self-control than that. That's _pathetic_." His taunts seemed to strike home, for Raito's expression flickered before becoming sober and shuttered, amber eyes glinting maliciously as they glared up at him. Had that been a flash of hurt that he had seen before that expression changed? Was 'hurt' the new baiting emotion for Raito to imitate?

"Oh, you _are_ the expert on self-control, are you not? You kept me from fucking Misa for so long that I suppose I thought that _you_ would do." Raito's beautiful features sneered at him, mocked him, and discarded him, all in one breath.

L clenched his jaw, trying to suppress his reaction to such venomous words, even though they seemed to have taken the air right out of his lungs. He had pricked that ego - this was the inevitable reaction. "Desperate much?" he continued lightly, forcing his voice out past the clenching sickness that he felt.

Raito gathered himself and rose, expression cooling into extreme displeasure as he glared at L with Kira's eyes. "If you're done now, I'm prepared to go back to headquarters. I think I'll invite Matsuda out for tea."

"Do," L replied frostily, trying to act as if the idea pleased him. In reality, however, he regretted his impulsive, distancing words. In his panic at the other boy's proximity and passion, and at his own reactions to those things, he had reached for insults that would give him some breathing space. Something had happened to his control, however, and the rest of it had come spewing out. And right after Raito had perhaps actually been something close to honest, too. He cursed himself mentally. There was nothing that he could do now. He could apologize, but he knew that the brunet wouldn't let it go so easily, and would make him regret ever moment that he breathed.

L collected the Death Note from the floor and made his way straight to the door, letting himself out. Raito came out a few moments later, locking the door, and gave him a look so cold that the skin on his face felt frostbitten. "Shall we go, detective? I wouldn't want to keep the task force from their _precious_ work."

He didn't bother to reply, but the feeling of Raito's displeasure only further agitated the disturbance in his body and mind.


	11. Deeper

**A/N:** I KNOW. I can only write around school, what can I say? It is majorly cramping my existence. I wish I had all the time in the world, but I have very little. I've had half of this written for 2 months, too. Haha. Oh, and the chapter naming scheme is NOT my fault. My beta is a bad influence. XP

* * *

Raito scrubbed himself fiercely in the shower, still burning with anger from how L had treated him. Was that truly how the detective felt? But it couldn't be – not when the physical reactions were always so strong. At least that body was incapable of deceit, even if the face and mouth always lied.

He smirked slightly as he thought that L must feel much the same. He himself was a professional liar, so his companion was surely forced to live in uncertainty as to his motivations and actual feelings. Even he sometimes wasn't certain of where to find the truth within himself.

His smirk faded as his thoughts dwelt upon the truth for a moment too long. He should be happy to have accomplished as much as he had, to have gotten away with as much as he had, but he was still dissatisfied because of the lack of progress where L was concerned. So little vulnerability. So little emotion. Raito _still_ didn't have what he wanted from the dark-haired boy. What more did he have to give, to _sacrifice_, to lure L in?

_The truth._ The truth was...he honestly felt...

Raito slammed the handle of the shower to turn it off and stepped out, toweling off briskly. His dilemma waited just outside the bathroom, lounging on the bed and watching television. What tactic to employ... His glance locked onto his own reflection in the mirror, and he wrapped the towel lightly about his hips, arranging it as provocatively as possible. If he couldn't have what he wanted, he would torment L as part of his vengeance, at the very least. If his presence in a state of undress wasn't enough, he'd simply do something more...obnoxious.

He took a moment to blow dry his hair before leaving the bathroom. Crossing L's line of vision languidly, he moved to recline upon the bed beside the detective, affecting a complete lack of concern. After considering for a moment, he bent his knee slightly, making the towel slide up his leg to reveal his thigh.

L remained motionless beside him, even though their bodies were almost touching. Those dark eyes were fixed upon the television screen as though the fate of the world depended on it. Raito determined all of this through the use of his peripheral vision, knowing that even a surreptitious glance would give away his game of the moment.

He sighed and closed his eyes, putting one arm back and behind his head. By the feel of the air upon his skin, the towel wasn't leaving much to the imagination...

The door to the room was suddenly flung open, startling him slightly. He rolled over on his side to see Matsuda standing there, panting. "Raito-kun! I heard you were back and I wanted to make sure that you...were..."

Raito's state of undress seemed to slowly penetrate the dark-haired man's brain, and a flush suddenly blazed over that puppy-like face. "Oh...you're...you're...I'm sorry, I-" Matsuda's sentence devolved into a fit of stammering.

"It's perfectly fine," Raito interjected kindly, draping one arm over his own hip to draw more attention to the perfect lines of his body. "Ryuuzaki has been utterly boring in the hour I've been back. He hasn't done anything but ignore me, Matsuda-kun! But I know that _you_ would never do such a thing."

Matsuda's dark gaze darted to the motionless L before returning to skim over Raito's lean thighs. "I...no, no, of course not, Raito-kun! If you would like to do...or _go_, I mean...somewhere..." That earnest face was bright red, expression completely flustered...but betraying desire.

Raito felt L shift suddenly beside him. "You don't want to play his games, Matsuda. It's better that you ignore him." The detective's voice was cool and cutting.

Raito rose and slowly approached Matsuda, shaking his head. "Don't listen to him..." He leaned close to Matsuda and said sotto voce, "He's just jealous that you and I are such _good_ friends." A meaningful glance directly into Matsuda's panicked eyes at close range, accompanied by a sensual smile. "I'm certain that you'd be more fun than he is. We should spend more time together, don't you think?"

Matsuda looked as if he were about to faint. "I would...like...that-"

Raito more felt than heard L come up behind him. His bare shoulders were taken firmly in hands that were anything but gentle, fingers clamping down hard. "I think perhaps that Raito is exhausted and needs to rest," L grated out, voice close enough to Raito's ear to make his skin tingle.

He leaned back against his former captive, conforming his back to every curve of L's front. "Are you going to entertain me, then? You're irritable at best, Ryuu." He laid his head back against the shoulder behind him, glancing at the tensely stoic face of his companion. This position would also give Matsuda ideas and display Raito's long, graceful throat in the most tempting fashion.

"He'll see you later, Matsuda," L said dismissively, steering Raito away and back towards the bed.

"Are you sleeping with him?" Matsuda blurted out.

L's hands spasmed upon Raito's shoulders, but the detective didn't pause, nor did he answer.

Raito twisted to look back at Matsuda with his best pained expression. "He doesn't like to touch me. He doesn't even want to acknowledge our relationship, Matsuda-kun. It's so _lonely_-"

Matsuda's eyes widened, expression anguished and hungry. "Raito-kun, I would—"

"GOODBYE, MATSUDA," L announced loudly and firmly, peeling off of Raito to push the intruder out and slam the door in his face. With that accomplished, the dark-haired boy whipped around to face him again, approaching quickly and aggressively. "What is _**wrong**_ with you?" his companion growled, gripping Raito's shoulders and shaking him.

"If you're going to ignore me, I'll do just what you suggested and seduce Matsuda. You don't mind, do you?" He smiled tauntingly into the dark eyes that burned at him.

"Would sex with Matsuda really be that agreeable?" L ground out, crushing Raito's shoulders again.

He knocked L's hands away, irritated at the continued infringement. "At least he'd _appreciate_ it," Raito snapped. "You could watch, if you wanted. Isn't that what you're best at? Maybe then you'd see how it's actually-"

L suddenly took hold of him and shoved him off balance, sending him sprawling across the bed. "I am _sick_ of your antagonism and provocation-"

Raito noticed distractedly that the towel had come undone, revealing one hip completely and barely remaining draped over the other. It was difficult to be aware of peripheral things when the passion in L's face and demeanor took his breath away. "If you won't do it, then I _will_ go and find him," he promised with a sneer, having to force it out.

L came down on top of him, jaw clenched, hands finding and confining his wrists. "Why do you _push_ me this way? I hate it, and I hate _you!_ What the hell do I care if you want to have sex with Matsuda?"

"Why did you interrupt me then, if that's the case?" Raito asked pointedly.

"Because it _sickens_ me to see you act that way," the dark-haired boy panted, eyes narrowing slightly as they continued to swallow only his image.

"What you really want to say is that you don't want me to be with anyone else. Isn't that so? If you accept my offer of a relationship, I'll only have sex with you. But you can't accept my offer only to tell me that we won't have sex." He made his voice gentle. Coaxing.

L closed his eyes briefly, frustration flashing across his face. "You're always trying to manipulate me. I hate that, too."

"Then leave," Raito murmured flatly, unable to look away from the face above him. "You'll never change me, L."

"You won't even _try_," his former captive breathed raggedly, opening his eyes again to continue glaring. The glare had lost its edge, however, softened by other feelings.

"I want to be inside of you," Raito murmured, doing his best to be entreating.

Dark eyes widened and their owner drew back slightly, anxious again.

"What happened to the impassioned anger?" he asked, taking one of L's hands and guiding it beneath the remaining flap of the towel at his hips.

The detective shivered as his fingers found Raito's hard, silken flesh, and seemingly against his will, his fingers stroked over the heat they found there.

Raito gasped and raised his hips slightly, encouraging more exploration. "Ryuu, I don't really care how we do this, but..."

L hunched over and spread Raito's thighs with trembling hands, mouth lowering without warning to enclose the ache that plagued him. He gasped and his hips jerked, hands finding their way into L's dark, tousled hair. L's fingers kneaded Raito's hips as that mouth worked upon him, tongue stroking maddeningly. His body was shaking with reaction, embarrassing him, but it only seemed to urge his companion on.

For L to be doing this for him, after the trauma he had been subjected to...Raito understood that it was an unspeakably precious gift. He couldn't fathom why the other boy was giving in to him in this way, what moved that mind to bend to him.

He tried to keep his hands gentle and unimposing where they rested upon that dark head, not wishing to hurt L in that way at the moment. Something cruel in him rejoiced, however, in the mouth that embraced him willingly. _I will take __**everything**__ from you,_ he thought with delight. Raito looked down to watch and revel in L's sublimation. _I want to pin you down and pound into you until you're crying. I want to drown you in me and force you to take it all in. _His pleasure intensified as he imagined L's face, his then he shook his head slightly, denying the urges._ Stop it! I __**don't**__ want that. That would hurt him._

_...I want to hurt him._

The realization had never quite disturbed him before, but it did now.

He gasped and cried out L's false name as he lost control and was overwhelmed by that determined mouth. When the aftershocks faded and he opened his eyes, L had straightened and was gazing down at him with unreadable eyes, mouth quirked down in some kind of unhappiness.

"What's the matter?" Raito asked gently, reaching up a hand to lightly trace the curve of the detective's cheek. Small gestures were important. _Trust me. See, I care about you. I __**do.**_ _I want to root into you, feed on you, and prevent you from ever living without me._

* * *

"Nothing," L muttered.

What was the matter? The fact that he always ended up enjoying everything he did with Raito. _That_ was what was the matter. Even when he hadn't wanted it. Even when it _hurt_. Those sly eyes were trying so hard to seem sweet, kind, but he had learned enough about Raito now that he could faintly detect the satisfaction and pleasure lurking beneath the seeming. The brunet was loving this, enjoying L's submission like an exquisite meal at the finest restaurant.

Raito was cruel. Cold. Calculating. Selfish. Amoral. Hurtful. Yet a contradiction of all of those things, too – a beautiful contradiction that could still surprise him. Just to catch his former captor out in one moment of impulse, of living in the moment...that was his pleasure. And every time they came together like this, he had the chance to see it.

He wiped his mouth, the taste of Raito still on his lips, and watched those pleased amber eyes follow his movements and dwell upon him. He watched purpose kindle in them. He knew what was coming next.

Raito sat up, moving to pull L's shirt off. He allowed that, as well as being divested of the rest of his clothing. The brunet then pushed him down into the bed, straddling him so that he could roll his hips against L's teasingly.

He resolved not to moan, which only made Raito work harder. The brunet slid down his body, bangs brushing the skin of his abdomen and making his stomach flutter. Raito gently massaged the base of his sex, hot, moist breath slowly enveloping him without allowing contact with the mouth or tongue to relieve his pain. Raito hovered there, breathing on and around him, condescending to brush him with only the faintest flicks of his tongue from time to time.

"Raito!" L exclaimed, exasperated, not to mention embarrassed at the way his body was twitching and thrumming at the agony Raito was putting it through. "Would you _please-_"

That mouth closed around him, its wet heat drawing upon him fiercely and repeatedly. L's breath rushed out in a near-sob as the intensity and surprise of Raito's response flattened him. He remembered this feeling from the last time Raito had almost overcome him. His body was rushing to meet that demanding mouth as he cried out helplessly and thrust into its temptation.

Sensing how close he was, Raito forced his thighs to open wider and intensified the pace and strength of his ministrations, making L want to scream. He had never felt anything as strongly as these things Raito pushed upon him.

Suddenly, just as he was about to break, Raito stopped. L's eyes flew open in disbelief. His body was one screaming, aching, throbbing mass of desperate nerves, and all he wanted was to release the tension into Raito's mouth. He stared in shock as he watched Raito open a tube of lubricant and prepare elegant fingers with the obvious intention of...

"You're not going to...I thought you were-"

"I told you that I wanted to be inside of you," Raito said quietly, leaning forward and reaching towards L's body.

L made to get up, bringing his arms under him. "I'm not sure I'm-"

Raito surged forward and pinned him, thrusting slick fingers into his body before he could even blink.

L gasped as he spasmed, then groaned through clenched teeth, elbows giving out and putting him flat on his back again. Even the feeling of Raito's fingers inside of him was going to-

"I want to feel you clenching around me when you give in," Raito whispered into his ear, withdrawing his fingers and slowly beginning to push into L. "I love that feeling of being buried in your body, of it being incapable of escaping me as it loses control. Of _you_ being incapable of escaping me as I claim the greatest intimacy from you." Every several words, Raito slid further into him, pushed his legs further apart to settle more fully into him and upon him.

He couldn't even _think_ when Raito was doing this to him, much less reply, and those words alone, uttered in such a low and intense voice, would have been enough to undo him. But being pleasurably tortured at the same time made it impossible for him to deny Raito anything, to resist anything.

"_Yes_," L moaned through clenched teeth, uncertain as to what he was agreeing to or answering. He only knew that his body was a whisper away from its goal.

"Do you want me?" Raito whispered into his ear, sending a jolt through him.

"What...do you...think?" L forced out raggedly, unable to catch his breath. Hands cupping his face forced him to open his eyes. Raito's eyes above him were honeyed amber, asking him a silent question behind the voiced one.

"I think you never tell me the truth," Raito said quietly, softly kissing L's lips as he slowly moved against L's body again.

Quite suddenly, L found that he couldn't hold on any longer. The pleasure Raito forced upon him snapped through his body, burning out his consciousness, his ability to think, his ability to _choose_, and he found his arms and legs wrapped tightly about the brunet, urging Raito on with helpless cries and hips perfectly aligned to receive every thrust to maximum effect.

"If I didn't know better...I'd say you wanted this...as much as I do," Raito panted as he thrust again and again.

L found he couldn't speak, not even to argue, as he shuddered in the brunet's arms. It was all he could do to _breathe_. He had wanted this so badly that it made him sick. His body relaxed slightly, finally spent.

Raito's thrusts slowed, gentled, and shortened, but his former captor didn't quite stop, remaining seated deep inside of him. The slight movements were sending jolts of electricity through him, making him twitch involuntarily as the other boy rocked into that place inside of him over and over.

It made him nauseous. It made him feel faint. It made him delirious. It made him want to rewind time only to do it all over again.

Lips touched his again. He opened his eyes, not really wanting to see the face that reminded him of his own sickness, that laughed at all of his failings. "Let me inside," Raito whispered, pressing another, slightly deeper kiss into his mouth. L wished he had enough presence of mind to make a tart remark that Raito was _already_ quite inside of him, but he couldn't say it.

"Don't you have feelings for me?" Raito withdrew enough to ask sweetly.

_Danger._ L could almost see the halo the brunet was doing his best to project. "Should I?" he countered hoarsely, heart clenching.

Raito's body, which had firmed up again, moved more certainly inside his. "Would you let me do this if you didn't?" Those eyes were confident, but deep within...a flicker of uncertainty.

"Do you really think anyone has a choice with you?" L asked a little sharply. "Don't you just push your own desires onto everyone else? Speaking of which, please stop."

"What if I don't want to stop yet?" Raito asked, half-teasing.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. Only _your_ feelings matter to you. How could anyone be with you?"

Raito pulled back, withdrawing abruptly. He paused only a moment before turning away and getting out of the bed. "You're right, of course," he replied shortly, heading directly for the bathroom again.

No argument? No taunting? No anger? L brooded over Raito's behavior as he began to clean up and dress, trying not to be concerned. He wasn't about to cater to the brunet by trying to soothe him.

* * *

Raito clenched his fists as he took yet another shower, trying _not_ to feel anything. L's words had hurt. Humiliation, yet again. The worst part of it all was that it wasn't acting, and that those cold words had taken him by surprise, tearing apart the warmth he had been feeling.

His only comfort was that he had definitely succeeded better this time than he had the last. L was _also_ losing control. He could close his eyes and see that vulnerable face, naked of all defenses.

_So __**that's**__ what you really look like._

Raito replayed their encounter in his mind, patiently pulling out the clues to L's feelings for further analysis.

_Though L tried to avoid the intimacy initially, he welcomed me quite enthusiastically once he forgot himself. I do believe that this is the most that he has ever lost control. So what is it that I am missing? What is it that-_

A light knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, and he heard it open a second later. "Raito-kun _does_ realize that serial killers, even retired serial killers, are not appealing partners, does he not?"

Raito tensed, freezing in his ministrations. L's tone was facetious, but there was the honorific and the barb of the words themselves. "Have you come merely to harass me, or is there some point that you wished to make?" he asked coolly, feeling needled. _I __**have**__ to stop him from getting to me like this._

"A pretty face does not a beauty make," L said soberly, shutting the door.

Fists clenching again, anger surged through him. He was _not_ going to let that go. Raito wrenched the shower curtain aside and rushed out, flinging the door open to deal with L.

L turned around, surprised and wide-eyed.

"Don't you _dare_ give me that self-righteous, hypocritical bullshit about spiritual beauty! I don't _need_ your fucking approval, you OCD, socially dysfunctional prick, and you _like_ being fucked by me! You _beg_ for it! You don't want anyone else, especially not some virtuous and noble fool! You revel in what I do to you!" Raito felt his teeth clench and watched as his hand lashed out to grab the base of nearest lamp, hurling it to floor with all his strength.

L opened his mouth to respond, face flushing with rage.

Raito was faster. Without realizing it, he had closed the distance between them, and his closed fist connected with that defiant face, knocking L to the ground. Before he knew it, he was on top of the other boy, his hands wrapped about L's throat, clenching and shaking. Throttling. "_**You can't live without me!**_" someone screamed, voice cracking into an almost unbearable register. Was that..._his_ voice?

Terror had replaced the rage in the pale face below him, and those long-fingered hands desperately tore at his, trying to force him to release the vulnerable throat that he was so helplessly crushing. With a gasp, Raito released L's throat, suddenly realizing that he didn't want to kill the detective.

L sat up on his elbows, gasping, and struggled to escape the pinning weight of Raito's body.

"No," he breathed, pushing his companion down again. He knew what would happen if he let L go like this. "I'm so sorry, Ryuu...zaki, I...I..." He relaxed, laying his head on the dark-haired boy's chest and listening to the wildly thudding heart. "You scared me," he finished hoarsely, vaguely aware that his throat was going to be sore later from screaming so violently.

No response from his former captive but trembling.

"Please," he murmured, shutting his eyes tightly. "_Please_, Ryuuzaki, I lost control. I thought...you were going to leave me."

"You're _insane_," L choked out, trying to push him off with panicky, ineffectual hands.

"But I...I...can't _stand_ these goddamned feelings that you inflict upon me," Raito ground out, clenching a fist in L's shirt as the anger spiked briefly. He forced himself to release the fabric, to smooth it gently. "You...why do you torment me like this?"

"_Me?_ Torment _you?_" The incredulity and outrage in L's rasping tone was almost palpable. "You...just _choked_ me, Yagami! Just bloody choked me! I don't want you anywhere near me!"

"Then why did you come to my apartment!" Raito belted out in resentful anguish, surging up onto his hands so that he could stare down into the other boy's face. He was stricken by L's appearance, which once again resembled that of a doll that had been roughly used.

The dark eyes that looked up at him had a tremulous, skittish quality. Brimming obsidian, luminous with...unshed tears? "A...mistake," those trembling lips managed to deliver, that voice roughened by the force he had just exerted upon L's neck.

"Oh..._oh_," Raito whispered, slowly reaching out a hand that trembled just as much as L's lips. He tenderly stroked one pale cheek, brushed those bloodless lips. Watched the detective flinch back from every movement, every touch. "I'm so _sorry_," he repeated, _feeling_ the regret and pain, disturbed by how the shaking inside of him matched L's appearance so perfectly.

The feeling that he was always overwhelmed by when he was inside of L, when he saw him vulnerable, when he suspected that L felt something for him..._that_ feeling was bleeding in his chest again, filling him up. The strange _moved_ feeling.

L closed his eyes, expression one of pain. "Are you done trying to kill me? I think it's safe to say that I understand your feelings perfectly now-"

"No!" Raito cried, causing those eyes to flutter open again. "You don't understand anything about my feelings! That was...the _last_ thing I wanted to do!"

The other boy's dark gaze was heavy with grief. "I think you know that this was unacceptable, Raito. There's nowhere to go from here. I don't want you here anymore. Go wherever you want."

_Go wherever you want. _Raito sucked in a shaking breath, stunned. Numbed._ "You won't..." ...forgive me? _No, he knew he couldn't even ask that of L, the person he had already abused so deeply. The person whose pain he had reveled in, delighted in as a delicacy he consumed.

_Aren't we more than this? _he wanted to bite out._ More than the pathetic voicings of the temporary, superficial feelings that humans so often hand out so cheaply to each other? _But Raito knew that he had violated more than one taboo. He couldn't expect that such transgressions would just be pushed aside, especially by someone as logical and self-possessed as L. Even if he had already had the detective's body, mind, and soul in his hands...it wouldn't have been enough to dispel the consequences of such violence to L's person.

L shook his head in response to the unfinished question, averting his eyes. "Leave me alone, Raito. I don't want you to touch me anymore. I don't want to see you anymore. I can't deal with someone like you." Hands pushed more strongly this time and Raito gave way, allowing L to free himself.

Mechanically, Raito rose and donned fresh clothing, trying not to watch as L left the room. After the door closed, he stopped, staring sightlessly at the floor. He couldn't stop hearing the words of complete rejection._ "I can't deal with someone like you." But...Ryuu...**what about these feelings?** "I don't want to see you anymore." I **hate** these feelings._

Raito glanced at the destroyed lamp on the floor as if in a dream, trying to remember exactly why he had tried to strangle L. He hadn't thought of it at all. His hands had simply moved of their own volition. It was strange that he could have such strong feelings for someone, and yet...do something so counterproductive.

Like an arpeggio of misery, a myriad of images and thoughts cascaded through him of the things he would never know, and never again know, with L. The only person he cared about. The only person who knew his true self in any measure.

His hands...strange traitors that they were. He stared at them, unable to comprehend.

A miracle...to feel such misery. He had never known pain before those dark eyes condemned him.

Raito would never achieve his goal now. He had ruined everything by losing control of himself, and all because of the very same feelings that had driven him to possess the detective.

* * *

**A/N #2:** NO, this is not the last chapter! I couldn't do that to Light. ;_;


	12. Life with Matsuda

Raito had planned on not thinking about it for at least a week. 'It' being his little altercation with L.

He had _planned_ on not dwelling on it overmuch. So his attempt to obtain the detective's feelings had failed. It certainly wasn't worth investing further effort. With the way the dark-haired boy had reacted, it was certainly not negotiable.

Raito had only choked L a _little_. Why was a little choking considered more unforgivable than rape? What was the issue? He doubted that he had even left real bruises!

He suppressed the prickle of irritation and leaned forward, staring at himself in the bathroom mirror with perplexed disgust. His hair was perfect and shining, as usual, but his _face_. There were the darkening smudges of circles under his eyes, and he looked pale and even a bit ill. L was even ruining his complexion! It was absurd.

It was absurd, but he had been incapable of purging the matter from his mind for even an instant. It had kept him from sleeping properly. It had deprived him of his usual peace-of-mind, haunting his thoughts mercilessly. He'd made the best of his liberation by finding Ryuk an entertaining replacement for Kira in the week that he had been apart from L. Even so, he couldn't seem to quiet the scratching feeling in the back of his mind. His skin felt perpetually antagonized, as if it needed to be torn off before he would be rid of the raw feeling lurking beneath it.

What was _happening_ to him? Such a loss of control. How did L manage to wrest his control away from him, make him lose his mind so thoroughly?

"Raiiito!" Sayu's voice echoed up the stairs, startling him. "Dinner is almost ready!"

Raito straightened, leaving the bathroom to descend the stairs. "I'm coming," he replied in his best brother-really-cares voice. It was more difficult than usual to summon the facade. All he felt was anger. Anger and confusion.

"I'm sorry that it's just us tonight. Mom called right before you got here and said that they were staying an extra night with Aunt Otoha because she still seemed-"

"Uh huh," he interrupted as he entered the kitchen, unable to bear hearing any more.

Sayu turned from the stove to look at him, dark eyes shining with anxiety. "Raito, can I ask you something?"

Raito smiled encouragingly at his sister, although he was immediately on his guard. "Of course, Sayu."

"That cute little Misa...I know you said that you two weren't together anymore, but what...what happened?"

_Misa_, of all people. "She left, Sayu. You know how it is in the modeling business. She found some fellow in America that was more her type, she said. An aspiring actor."

Sayu's eyes shimmered sympathetically at him. "Oh, Raito! How have you been able to bear it? You must be crushed. How do you cope when someone you care about doesn't want you anymore?"

His answer was prepared. This kind of dialogue was as easy as breathing for him, but suddenly he lost his train of thought, breath catching as everything stopped within him. _How do you cope when someone you care about doesn't want you anymore? _The words lodged oddly in his chest, preventing him from answering Sayu for a long moment.

Raito cleared his throat, fixing his glance on the food simmering in the pan. "You just...walk away, don't you?" His voice sounded very distant, as if it belonged to someone else.

"But what about _your_ feelings?" Sayu cried.

Confused, he looked into her eyes. _I don't __**have**__ feelings, _he almost said. The fact that he had almost spoken those words aloud unsettled him even further. "But...what - but it's over," he managed to force out.

Images from his memories were overwhelming the sight of Sayu's face, his recollections of L completely obscuring his vision. That face, and the knowledge that there was no one else in the world like the detective. There was no one else who knew him.

"I don't want to discuss this anymore," Raito murmured, feeling as shaken as he had just after choking L.

"You're fine with giving up on the person you love?" Sayu pressed, completely oblivious to the pan she was supposed to be monitoring.

Raito took the spoon from her and began stirring the chanpurū, trying to prevent it from burning. Trying to block broken dark eyes from his mind. "It doesn't matter!" he snapped. "What is love, Sayu? What is _love_ but self-deception? Self-interest? Selfishness? It's sex, and shared resources, and utilitarian drives. There's no such thing as love." He ground his teeth, unable to see the food anymore, but continued stirring as if his life depended on it.

" Raito! That's not true. Love _does_ exist! How can you say that?" Sayu sounded hurt. Disappointed in him. He was _slipping_ again.

He couldn't seem to throttle back on the urge to speak nearly enough. He was grinning as he stirred, grinning with Kira's face. "It's just fucking and fighting, Sayu, nothing more than that." Please don't let her try to look at my face, he thought desperately, trying to beat back both his true self and his thoughts and memories of L. The urge to be violent spiked through him. _Stop __**tormenting**__ me, you prick. I'd choke you again right now if you were here. I'd give you something __**real**__ to complain about._

Sayu divested him of the spoon with some effort and leaned to look into his face. Fortunately, he had regained control by that time and was able to smile tightly at her, Kira safely hidden deep inside of him once again.

"Raito, you're scaring me a little," she said gently, resting a hand on his arm.

"I apologize, Sayu. Misa meant a lot to me, and there was nothing that I could do to keep her with me. It has been tough for me since she left. You're right. You know your brother – always thinks he can handle everything with perfect aplomb!" He forced a laugh, patting her hand before removing it from his person.

Sayu frowned at him, perturbed, and turned the stove off. "If you want to talk about it, Raito—"

_I just want to see him once more,_ Raito thought suddenly, fervently, completely oblivious to anything else Sayu might've said in that moment. "I'm sorry, Sayu, but I need some air. I'll be back in a while."

"But Raito, it's ready, and it would just take you a few minutes to—" she began to protest.

Raito ignored her, grabbing his jacket from the rack near the door. He was only thinking about one thing.

* * *

L glanced up to see Matsuda texting with a singular intensity. For no reason he could name, it made him feel vaguely unsettled, but he supposed that even the awkward puppy had to have friends. It wasn't technically breaking any rules since L had lifted the cell phone ban some time ago. After all, he knew who Kira was and where he was likely to be. No surprises there.

_Kira._ _**Raito.**_ L covered his eyes for a moment as if merely rubbing them or wiping his face, but was in actuality trying to block out the sight of Raito's desperate, maddened expression, block out the voice that wildly, jaggedly screamed, _"You can't live without me!" _

_Watch me, Raito, just watch me. I don't need you. I should have done this weeks ago. _The dreams would pass. The ache would go away. They were just—

The door to headquarters opened, startling him out of his thoughts. Everyone was already present, so who could—

The new arrival made a beeline towards Matsuda, raising a graceful hand to the youngest, stupidest detective of the task force, burnt amber eyes warm and charming. L's eyes helplessly followed the arc of that gesture, clung to the familiar lines of that form, staring in amazement at the last person he had ever expected to see.

Regaining his senses, L turned away sharply, peering at his computer screen with burning eyes that saw nothing but Raito's smiling face. His throat had closed up on him, and his heart was hammering with panic. He had no idea what to do with this violation of his space, this deliberate flaunting of the last prohibitions he had left for Raito. A strange, prickling heat washed through his body, leaving him dizzy.

Slowly, he turned his head just enough to slide a surreptitious glance over at the small group greeting Raito. Not once did those eyes glance in his direction. It was as if he didn't exist. Matsuda had latched onto Raito's arm and it seemed like nothing would be done anytime soon to dislodge him.

L turned his face back to the computer screen, clenching his teeth. The room that headquarters had been located in had been changed after his altercation with Raito, and so had the code. The only way Raito could have located headquarters and managed to enter was with inside assistance. _Matsuda. _L did his best to block out the murmur of jovial voices behind him as anger sparked and grew inside of him. There was no way that he could work like this. But there was no way that he could leave, conceding his own territory to the invader.

Hunching his shoulders, he decided to reorganize the folders on his hard drive.

* * *

Raito smiled warmly at Matsuda as he accepted the mug of coffee the young man offered him, maintaining his charm at maximum. He leaned close to speak into the clueless detective's ear. "I really owe you, Matsuda-kun. Ryuuzaki can be so petulant and immature. I wish he were more like you, frankly. You're a man that inspires admiration, after all."

Matsuda blushed darkly, eyes shining and enchanted as they stared into his. "An-anything for you, Raito-kun. He hasn't treated you right from the beginning, you know, and…the offer from before is still open. I'd be happy to, you know, spend time with you."

"You're so sweet," Raito murmured, lowering his lashes as he lightly brushed his fingertips over the back of Matsuda's hand.

The witless wonder became even more flustered, averting his eyes and picking up a random file folder to flip through. "I-I-It's my pleasure. I'll get back to work now." With that, Matsuda fled to the other side of the room, but not without stealing several smitten glances back at Raito.

Raito made sure to catch them and return them, for L's benefit if nothing else. Although an undeniable gravity was trying to drag his gaze to seek out his former captive, he avoided doing so with all his strength, instead moving to take up residence at a vacant workstation not too far from Matsuda's.

_Want to look. Want to touch and __**crush**__._ Like various types of flora, L gave up his best, most intoxicating scent when bruised. Raito fought the urge to lean back in his chair as the heavy syrup of his need and addiction to L filled his body. The desire was pounding in him so forcefully that he wondered if it had been a mistake to return to headquarters. Worse, he didn't even have any real work to do. Regardless, he had to make some attempt so that the others wouldn't wonder. He began researching recent news articles, acting as if he were interested in trying to find trends that might reveal any hint of Kira.

As his fingers darted across the keyboard, his mind was filled with reminiscing and future plans of conquest. _It's not over, L,_ he thought feverishly_. It __**can't**__ be over. I won't allow it to be. Soon you'll see that there's only one reasonable choice._

* * *

L glared at Watari's lack of concern and pointed angrily at camera 3, which had the best view of Raito's angelic face. "I _cannot_ work like this! It has been like this for a _**week**_ now, and I can't take it anymore! Can't you do something?"

Watari arched a brow. "Sir, I regret to remind you of this, but you never failed to reject my advice and assistance with regard to this particular individual previously, so why should you seek it now? You're just going to have to handle it on your own. Can _you_ not ask him to leave? Did something happen between the two of you?" Watari peered at L suspiciously.

L glanced away briefly, doing his best not to recall the humiliation or anything else associated with Raito. If he did, it would certainly blaze across his face and give him away, and he did _not_ wish to provide Watari with any details whatsoever. "No, I'm just…I'm done with him, and I already told him that I didn't need his help anymore. Besides, he's…" _…all over Matsuda_.

"He's what?" Watari prompted, swiveling in his chair to more fully face L.

"Just distracting, that's all," L muttered, glaring resentfully at Raito's profile.

Watari stared pointedly at L before saying slowly, "This is why you should have spent more time around other people."

L sighed explosively and left the monitoring room without another word to Watari, knowing that it was useless. He wasn't even certain why he had bothered to go to him in the first place, other than some misguided feeling of trust or affection for his caretaker. Raito was a problem that would not go away without his intervention. If the brunet had directly challenged or cornered him, it would have been far easier to deal with, but so far the other boy had painstakingly avoided him and had never once acted as if L even existed. It was _maddening_. He had begun to long for that honey-amber gaze to settle upon him, for just one glance, one flicker of reaction to his presence.

_Is __**that **__your game?_ he thought angrily at his former captor. What rankled the most was that it was actually _working_. Even though he knew that it was almost certainly Raito's objective to manipulate and rattle him, he was unable to remain indifferent to it. But it wasn't just being ignored – it was that Raito was positively _doting_ on Matsuda as if they were lovers. Even the other members of the task force had taken note, though nothing had been verbally acknowledged. The display made L nauseous, but there was nothing he could do about it unless he found a way to remove Raito.

The sick thing was that being able to see Raito every day still fed something inside of him – something that had been left starving and frantic after their last encounter. But his sleep was more disturbed, not less. Since returning, Raito was in his dreams and nightmares even more frequently. They woke him up more often than not, leaving him disturbed and restless.

Absorbed in his thoughts, he mechanically went down to the lobby to get a cup of coffee, still not up to facing Raito and Matsuda in person. A cup of coffee would be a perfect explanation for his absence – as if he really needed one. Even his way of thinking had become skewed since the events with Raito.

After collecting his coffee, instead of heading back to headquarters immediately, he decided to take a detour to the restroom. It wouldn't do to settle in – secretly working on his other cases while pretending to hunt Kira – only to have to disturb his train of thought for a restroom break.

As soon as he set foot in the restroom, he knew something was off. The sound of hitching breath was the first clue. The second was what sounded distinctly like Matsuda's voice pleading in a low, breathy tone, "Raito-kun, please…let me!"

L froze, paralyzed by horror. It couldn't be what he thought it was. _Couldn't_ be. He had lost his mind. He was hearing things.

A low, familiar laugh answered that plea, raising the hair on the back of L's neck. "Are you always so eager?" came the gentle taunt.

Without thinking about what he was doing, L lurched into motion, rushing towards the offending stall. As he lifted his foot and aimed a forceful kick at the door, he realized that he was feeling an overwhelming rage towards the occupants of that stall and wanted nothing more than to break in and beat them senseless. He heard the lock break as his foot impacted the door and sent it swinging violently inward, provoking a pained squawk from Matsuda before it bounced back. As the door swung open again, this time more slowly, L was able to see that Raito was pinned against the wall of the stall by the other detective, shirt open and slacks undone.

Raito's languid gaze found L, captured him, and dismissed him, all in a matter of moments. With a sensuous smile, the brunet leaned into Matsuda and said huskily, "It seems we can't continue here. Maybe later, at your place…?"

L had no idea what expression was on his face. Had no idea what his body might have been doing, because he could no longer feel anything. Every atom of his being was focused on Raito, his vision blacked out around the edges. He couldn't see anything else. Couldn't think anything else.

"You're such a whore," L heard himself mutter hoarsely.

Those eyes slid back to him, acquiring a cold, predatory glint. "Oh, and what's with this puritanical attitude? I seem to remember that you're not much different when you're on your back with your legs spread."

Matsuda's expression became uncertain and he edged back from Raito just the slightest bit.

L thought distantly that his blood pressure must be quite elevated by this point. It felt as if the back of his neck and skull were being crushed in a vise. Suddenly, he was much closer to Raito, and Matsuda was pressed back in the corner of the stall as far away from the two of them as he could manage. Blood appeared at the corner of the brunet's mouth, and those mocking eyes seemed startled. Startled by something he had done? Where had the blood come from? Why were they so close? The lips moved, but L couldn't hear anything but the roaring of rage and pain in his mind. He had to shatter that face that took such pleasure in cutting him apart.

_He had to…_without warning, everything went black, and L knew no more.

* * *

Raito held the unconscious L in his arms, finally able to gaze upon him freely. There was peace in just being able to finally embrace the slender, fragile frame. He felt something like tenderness for the detective at this moment, despite the fact that he had just been punched quite hard. Twice. That L could lose himself so completely at seeing Raito with someone else, attack him, and then pass out from the emotional overload was just…too precious for words. It made him smile as he hadn't smiled in weeks.

"Raito-kun…? What..?" Matsuda was still there, looking between Raito and L anxiously and wringing his hands.

"Matsuda-kun, I think poor Ryuuzaki has taken leave of his senses momentarily. I'll take care of him until he wakes up. I'll return to headquarters in a bit, so just go ahead without me."

Matsuda spared him an uncertain look before nodding and leaving the restroom.

Allowing Matsuda to slobber, paw, and fawn at him was worth it, if only for that fractured expression that had been on L's face for too short a time. Raito had obviously won the first battle, but he wanted to see his former captive lose control again and again, more profoundly, just like this time.

Raito strained to hold L upright against himself with one arm while fixing his clothing with the other, taking a moment to dampen a paper towel with soap and water in order to wipe off the skin that Matsuda had contaminated. He then gathered L into his arms for carrying, leaning close to inhale the scent of that dark hair, to press his face into that vulnerable neck. The detective was not as heavy as he had feared. Too light, in fact. He would easily be able to get L to the room that he had reserved here for convenience. It was probably a bad idea, but it was a golden opportunity to force L to listen to him for just a few minutes, and he couldn't resist taking advantage of it, even if the consequences might be unpleasant. What did he have to lose?

* * *

L stirred weakly, groaning. He felt sick and woozy, his mind clouded, and he couldn't remember anything immediately. He was in a bed – he knew that much. A familiar scent, at once welcome and disturbing, filtered into his awareness. There was also an unusual weight upon him.

He had been… and then he'd overheard familiar voices…_Raito._ Raito and Matsuda! He opened his eyes, trying to surge up, but a clang and a jerk at his wrists prevented him. He realized that the weight upon him was a person, a person suddenly lifting his head in startlement—_Raito_. Those eyes fixed on his face, intense and unreadable.

"I just want you to listen to me for a few minutes," Raito said quietly.

L glanced up at his wrists, realizing that he had been unable to get up because he was handcuffed to the headboard. He felt a surge of bitter fear. "Well, here we are again. Amazing how you have to restrain me to take advantage of me when I'm apparently as much of a whore as you are." His tone was sarcastic and biting.

"I shouldn't have said that. I was angry. You always try to deny—"

"_You_ were angry? And how exactly should _I_ feel when you invade my space, disrespect my wishes, and interfere with my work by going for the weakest link?" he shot back venomously.

"Is that why you punched me and fainted?" Raito asked softly.

L looked away from the edge of those eyes for a moment, jerking his wrists against the restraint in frustration. "Get _away_ from me. I already told you that I don't want to see your face. Are you here to give killing me another go? Do I need to get a restraining order?" L could feel his body beginning to tremble at the fury of his emotions and at Raito's proximity. He had to get away.

Raito's gaze sharpened. "I wasn't interacting with you at all. You're the one that kicked the stall door in and attacked me. Why did you do that?"

L gritted his teeth. The brunet's body heat was unbearable. "Because you were about to defile the restroom and I'd hate for anyone else to have to be discomfited by your grotesque display and lack of restraint."

A sly smile crept across Raito's face and the brunet tipped his head down to hide it, but L suspected it was only habit and not a real attempt to disguise anything. Being in this position was unfortunately reminiscent of other things, and even though his mind knew that he no longer had any connection to Raito whatsoever, his body was still responding as if nothing had changed between them. He hoped fervently that Raito didn't realize it before he could extricate himself from the current situation.

"Grotesque, is it?" that voice was warm and liquid, oozing into the cracks in L's resistance. "Is that why you behaved so aggressively? It wasn't that you couldn't stand Matsuda being the one there with me? Didn't you wish that—"

L interrupted harshly. "Matsuda isn't the issue – it's _you_ I can't stand! You disgust me!" He tried to kick Raito off of him and felt his shoe connect solidly with Raito's shin. A moment's satisfaction, at last!

Suddenly, the brunet's eyes narrowed with anger. "You really do have to get a grip on that temper of yours, _Ryuu_. I do so hate it when you provoke me into reactions that we both regret."

"Don't even bring _that_ up—" L warned in a low voice, glaring back into eyes that were beginning to look like Kira's. He would not be intimidated by this person anymore. He would _not_.

Raito straddled L without retreating from his personal space. "I think we need to talk about it since it obviously upset you," the brunet insisted in a steely tone.

"I don't want to talk to you anymore. There's nothing to talk about. If you don't want me to advise the authorities of what I know of you—" L's body was trying to cringe away from Raito's, expecting to be taunted at any moment for his growing arousal. But if the owner of those frightening eyes had noticed the state of the traitorous body pinned beneath him, he was choosing not to acknowledge it at this moment.

That beautiful face leered at him. "Oh, threatening my life again? Honestly, Ryuuzaki, I don't even care anymore. If you have no issue with killing me, then do your best."

L stared up into the brunet's eyes, fascinated with the subtle interplay of emotion that was occurring within them. The other boy didn't care about his own life anymore? Is that what he was saying? Raito, the self-preservationist? L struggled to analyze it, but his senses and ability to think were slowly being overwhelmed by Raito's weight, image, and mere presence.

"What's the matter?" Raito murmured, something strange softening his gaze. "No cutting remarks to make to that? You would say that my life had no worth anyway, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you want to take advantage of my lack of interest in self-preservation in order to defeat me once and for all? For your justice?" As if hypnotized, the brunet had been leaning closer and closer as he spoke, closing the distance between their faces. But those eyes never left L's. Lightly, their lips brushed.

L heard himself make a soft noise as he turned his head away, closing his eyes against his will. Whether it was to escape the situation or because he was trying to deny his desire, he didn't know. But the motion brought him closer to Raito's scent, left on the pillow. This was the bed that Raito had slept in last night. The knowledge shouldn't have mattered, but he became momentarily obsessed with the thought that he was lying in the faint impression that the other boy's body had left only hours before.

He jumped as he felt lips caress his neck, his collarbone. The attention stirred his body more strongly, so he summoned the memory of the brunet screaming at him, of those perfect hands trying to throttle the life out of him. The only things between them were violence and lust. There was no reason whatsoever to respond to Raito in this way.

"Stop," he forced out hoarsely in the faintest voice imaginable. The situation was wrong, but he couldn't seem to summon the outrage he had felt only minutes before, or even the rage he had felt when he had seen Raito allowing Matsuda such liberties. Some small part of his mind whispered that there would be no room for anyone else in that cunning mind while it was preoccupied with him.

Raito paused, raising his head to deliver a gentle, teasing kiss to L's parted lips. Without thinking, he almost tried to capture them with his own before he restrained himself at the last moment. Those amber eyes had darkened, and when they met his, he saw the awareness in them of his own desire, his own damning responses.

"Stop?" Raito prompted softly, brushing his lips over L's more firmly this time, more possessively.

L closed his eyes, trying to summon the will needed to reject Raito more forcefully. _No matter how regretful he is, he still choked me for very little reason_, L reminded himself. Besides, Raito could do this with anyone. The knowledge was a bitter splinter in his throat. "Do you enjoy forcing the unwilling? Is that the best food for your ego? It doesn't matter who it is, after all—" Lips settling fully on his stopped the flow of bitter words. He tried to twist away urgently, knowing that he must not, under any circumstances, allow Raito to kiss him, but the brunet seized L's face in both hands and worked his way past the resistance.

A sick sense of relief flooded through L's body as Raito's mouth moved against his, as the taste of the other boy filled his senses. Every time his former captor pressed forward, even the slightest bit, their bodies ground together, breaking L's defenses down even more. He was going to lose against his desire for Raito unless an outside force intervened. The knowledge inspired shame in him, but all intimacy with the other boy did the same.

_He's making it okay for me to lose again_, L thought bitterly_. I'm helpless, handcuffed, so it's not my fault if I give in to him. It's not my…_

Raito's hand had slipped into L's jeans to fondle him, but their mouths remained sealed together, mercifully cutting off any noises that might have escaped him. How kind of the sociopath to spare his pride just the slightest bit. Being with Raito like this felt too good to him, and it was too easy to give in to the sensations wrapping about his body and dragging him down. The sensations that so neatly masked any feelings he might have.

L was too dazed to do more than feel vaguely puzzled when their kiss was broken. He opened his eyes to watch muzzily as Raito unbuttoned the jeans and pulled them off of L's slender, pale hips, along with his boxers. He felt himself blushing harder as he gazed upon the evidence of his attraction to Raito, as he was gazed upon by Raito before their eyes met. L closed his eyes quickly again, not wanting to be a party to anything between the two of them. He shuddered as he felt that hot breath surrounded him, clenched his teeth as a wet heat slid slowly down his length, holding him tightly. After only a brief moment, he was released.

"Do you want me to continue?" Raito's voice asked, roughened with desire.

L opened his eyes reluctantly, just before Raito began to tease him with small licks and kisses. He jerked each time that mouth connected with his body in any way, unable to maintain the illusion of aloof stoicism. If he failed to answer, surely it would resume.

Raito glanced up at him, then leaned back, sliding off of the bed to rise. L watched with slight alarm, unable to believe that the brunet might actually leave him there, but then the clothing began to come off. That inspired an altogether different variety of anxiety within him, churning with a twisting excitement. Raito was going to take him again. He braced himself, even more aroused than before. His body was aching for what he dreaded as his companion returned to the bed, entirely nude, lubricant in hand.

But instead of picking up where he had left off, his former captor laid himself down on the bed apart from L, yet still in plain view. The bottle of lubricant was opened and applied to Raito's arousal with long strokes of the hands that had just been caressing L. He watched hungrily as the other boy shuddered, able to clearly see that face and those reactions. But the burnt amber eyes remained closed.

"I want to be inside of you," Raito murmured huskily in a low voice, almost whispering. Those hands moved slowly, stroking the brunet's arousal with a sensuality that was painful to watch.

L felt his mouth go dry, unable to tear his eyes away from the beautiful form so close to him, yet so far away. He couldn't touch Raito even if he wanted to, and there was no sign that he himself would be touched again anytime soon. His body was aching unbearably, wrapped up in the other boy's every reaction, every twitch.

Raito bit his lower lip, gasping, and increased his pace. "Ryuu, _please_…take me in even deeper. I want to go right through you." Hips rose to meet the stroking hands now, pace ragged and increasingly desperate. "_Swallow me_," Raito pled urgently, expression twisting into one of pleasurable torment.

L watched with burning eyes, his body tight with the agony of unspent pleasure that was continuing to build, almost past the point of sanity. His breath was rushing in and out in rough gasps, and he was panting hard with Raito as if they were doing this together. But there was no relief for him, only an increasing need to tangle himself with the other boy. The desperate, shameful words were gathering behind his teeth. It didn't matter anymore that those hands had once choked him. All he wanted was for them to descend upon him and relieve him of the torment.

Raito's teeth were obviously clenched now, expression tight and desperate with what looked to be almost pain. "Only…_you_…can…" The rest of that broken sentence was lost in a low, sobbing moan as the brunet lost control, body convulsing and bowing as he shook with the spilling of his pleasure into his own hands and across his flat, tawny stomach.

L held his breath, almost choking on his need. He watched those eyes open lazily, watched as they skimmed over his desire-wracked body. "You're always so good, even if it's only in my mind," Raito said smugly, offering L a vulpine grin welling with satisfaction and sexuality. "Did you enjoy the show, Ryuuzaki? Why, I do believe you're actually _wet_."

L felt his face burn with humiliation as Raito leaned close to examine his frantically aroused body, trying not to quiver as the other boy's breath touched him. He would not speak.

"I might be able to _help_ you if you ask nicely," Raito teased, gaze heavy with innuendo and intent as those eyes bore into his.

"Do what you want," L ground out, struggling with himself not to give in and beg shamelessly.

"Oh?" Raito inquired archly, obviously amused. The brunet bent and lightly ran his ruinous tongue and lips over the inside of L's upper thigh, feathery hair brushing the part of him that needed to be touched the most. The drawing pressure of the wet, lingering kisses was the most devastating.

L choked back his moan and his body broke into unrestrained trembling. He was so very, very close. It was driving him mad. He fought the words trying to take shape upon his lips. He would _not_ beg. He fought his body with every ounce of his will as Raito's ministrations continued, lazily switching from one thigh to the other.

"Oh, I'm impressed. You're still fighting your body so fiercely, Ryuu."

Teasing. _Taunting._ That voice was like an extension of the brunet's fingertips, stroking over him and finding all of his secret, vulnerable places and taking advantage of them mercilessly. He felt lips on his hip and his shuddering intensified. When Raito began to trail kisses across his lower stomach, he knew he was done for. Every brush, every sensation was a burning, shaking torture of monumental proportions.

As if sensing the snapping of his will and endurance, Raito's mouth quickly took him in and began stroking him, pushing him violently over the edge. He heard his own voice rising and falling in desperate abandon, but he was unable to control himself anymore, especially not after finally being given in full measure what he had longed for so fiercely for what seemed like hours.

Even after the tension had left his body, he couldn't seem to stop shuddering. Raito pressed close to him, arms wrapping around him, and kissed his lips lightly as if they had been lovers for years. It disturbed L that all of this felt so natural and inevitable, even down to the way the other boy held him after their lust was spent.

"That was listening to you for a few minutes?" L asked hoarsely as his arms began to ache.

"You didn't want to listen," Raito murmured, nuzzling into the curve of L's neck.

"Why do you insist on keeping up this charade?" he demanded, discomfited by the pleasure and rightness of being close to the brunet.

"It's not a charade," the other boy replied quietly. "I don't want to stay away from you anymore. I…can't." The warmth and weight left L's side momentarily and he heard the bedside table drawer open and close. When Raito's weight returned, he felt those hands at his wrists and was suddenly no longer restrained.

L rubbed his wrists, scrutinizing Raito's earnest, somewhat dark expression. "But I've already told you…" _…that I didn't want to see you ever again. _

_...because I'm not strong enough to stay away from you, even if you hurt me._

Raito shook his head slowly. "No, no one else will do. I don't feel anything at all with them. The only way I can become aroused with other people is by thinking about you. That seems rather pointless, don't you think?"

It took a moment for that to sink into his thoughts as L was still quite disturbed at having realized that he was incapable of remaining apart from Raito if they were in close proximity with each other. He blinked as he absorbed the other boy's confession, and the apparent sincerity with which it was delivered.

L looked down at his hands, rubbing his wrist thoughtfully. He couldn't face Raito right now, couldn't give him any answers or commitments. But he knew that things couldn't go on like this. "What do you want from me?" he asked flatly.

"For us to go back to the way we were before," Raito replied fervently.

The brunet's intensity beat against L's skin; he didn't have to look up to perceive it. It was always battering him and crisping the outer layers of his being. Raito had always been the only person who could break his skin and split him open like this. Wasn't that even more reason to deny his former captor's request, to flee in whatever way possible? If he remained within reach of this beautiful, sad excuse for a human being, it would be his downfall. He would never escape.

"I can't talk about this right now," L muttered, gathering his clothing and getting to his feet. He avoided looking at the bed or Raito as he dressed, not wishing to be confronted with his latest shame. Worst of all, he still hungered for the other boy, still longed to be borne down and inescapably possessed by him.

Raito was strangely silent.

L risked a quick glance as he finished dressing and was surprised to see that those amber eyes were dull and downcast, their owner sitting motionless as if he weren't even alive. He felt a pang of concern for Raito, but his sense of self-preservation wouldn't allow him to say anything more. It could be an act. Couldn't it? He was looking at a professional liar, after all.

He escaped the room before he could be stopped, but really, the damage had already been done. More than ever, Raito was inside of him.

_More than ever. I have to find a way out._


End file.
